faheys forum

Sunday shopping

2011-12-05T21:50:00.001+02:00

I awoke naturally on sunday morning and auer a quick drive I headed into town to take care of my christmas shopping. After a couple of hours darting between shops I was done and felt that I deserved something for my being unusually organised so I arranged to meet Fanj for lunch. As there was some waiting involved I popped into nearys for a quick pint where I learnt the sad news of Gary Speed. My time spent contemplating this was cut short btu the arrival of a gaggle of women who ordered themselves a round of irish coffees and proceeded to complain about the price of parking in various suburbs of dublin.
Fortunately Fanj arrived before long and I was able to depart. We hit gourmet burger to take advantage of their starter and burger for a tenner offer.
Feeling well fed we headed off to meet up with a friend of Fanjs to watch liverpool take on man city which as a liverpool follower I found to be a throughly delightful way to spend the afternoon. Though the most memorable incident of the afternoon was the following exchange between fanj and some girl he knew.
-I heard you had a kid. How'd that go?
-Ah grand.
Which is the most understated description of childbirth I've come across.
Once the match was done I made my excuses and headed home for some tipsy cooking.

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Rediscovering youth

2011-12-03T17:39:00.001+02:00

Myself and the wife did something we would not normally do and went out on a Tuesday night. The reason being that a friend of a friend was playing in the ruby sessions so we went along to give some support.
I use to go to the ruby sessions a lot when I was a student so I was feeling nice and youthful on or way to the dart station. What happened next took me back to my teenage years. Ourselves and a dart arrived in the station at the same time so I decided to forgo a ticket with the intention of buying one at tara. When we got out at tara and were down at the barriers I noticed that the gate guard had his back to us so I took advantage of the this and the fact that the wife had a yearly ticket to tailgate her through the barriers. It was kind of sad how much of a buzz this gave me.
This while episode turned out to be more exciting than the music. We saw three bands. The first two we enjoyed and the last one we found to be a bit moany. It was during the third act that I had to accept that I was no longer a student as myself and the wife made or exit for the lsat dart. Still it was nice to pretend for a while.

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2011-11-21T21:59:00.001+02:00

Friday came and following what seems to becoming a tradition I headed into eamon dorans on the green for a few end of week pints. Though I was disappointed this week there were no free chips or cocktail sausages, which is a bit of a loss on their part as I reckon the sockage provided by them would have enabled me to sink a couple of extra pints. As it was I left the bar shortly after seven and headed home for a pizza. It appeared that I was not the only one to have had a few drinks by that stage as I passed three people who decided there was nothing they could do but relieve themselves on the street. My own bladder was able to hold on until I was home so I was spared the feeling of cold air on my skin.

Saturday began with a bit of shopping before I prepared the way for some varnishing. While I was doing this a curtain pole fell on my head. Increasing my already intense dislike of the house renovation that's been going on for what seems like forever.

After this shock I headed into town with the wife where we finished off some food shopping, she managed to sneak some shoe shopping into the trip, before we headed into the hop house for a bit of a late lunch.

Once home I began the monthly task of ironing my shirts while watching some soccer. Once this was done I was finally able to sit down and put the work behind me. I had some peace as well as the wife was busy getting herself ready for our night out. We had met five years ago to the day so decided it would be best to mark it in some way

In order to do this we headed to the oriental cafe where we had a massive feed. So large was it that about halfway through my lamb I was having serious doubts about my ability to finish that course never mind the dessert that was coming. Thankfully I managed to get through both courses which I washed down with two of their versions of an long island ice teaand a green day. Leaving the restaurant we both felt extremely bloated. I did try and have a pint in the stags head but after struggling with one for an hour I called it a night and headed home for a whiskey and some tom waits which helped the digestion process no end meaning I was soon able to stand up without feeling that my stomach was about to burst.

Sunday was how a sunday should be. I went for a short drive to keep me practised. Had a very large lunch before nipping up to raheny to watch liverpool defeat chelsea in the soccer. Before coming home to nurse a couple of beers for the evening. The only thing I managed to do which had any productive value was agree to take up some boxing classes with my match buddy. Though I left the organisation on him so we'll see if anything actually happens.

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Qualification Pints

2011-11-16T18:06:00.000+02:00

After a fairly uneventul day in work I undertook a realatively eventful cycle home. A few weeks ago I got a new horn for my bike but haven't had occasion to use it before todays cycle, apart from honking at the wife as she walked to the DART station in the morning, however on my trip home I was given plenty of opportunity to use it as most pedestrians on the road decided that it wasn't a day before they stepped out onto the footpath. I also had to contend with a woman who having almost doored the cyclist ahead of me didn't learn her lesson as decided to throw the door open just as I was passing her car. I suppose I should consider the idea that she just didn't like cyclists.

I arrived home feeling chuffed with the fact that my horn was in full working order. My good mood was further uplifted by the fact I recieved a reply to a request I had made to the welfare over the possibilty of a refund. They were kind enough to inform me that I was in fact entitled to a refund and should expect a cheque in the post. This good news coupled with the fact that Ireland were sure to be qualifying for a major soccer torunment that evening put a bit of a thirst on me so I arranged to meet my brother down in the GAA club for a few pints. I figured that this was the only way I would be able to maintain any interest in the match. I'm glad to report that my brother is learning to adapt to life as a college student as about halfway through our first pint, which I had of course paid for, he announced that he had forgotten to get money on the way to the club. The club itself doesn't take cards and so my cold hard cash would have to water us both for the night.

While at the bar one of the coaches of my team came up and felt my knees, presumably with a view to guilting me into turning up for a training session. I explained that I thought there was a ban on winter training. He pointed out that was only for county players. I retorted that if I were to start training in winter it would be equivilant to giving up hope on my inter-county career. I told him I would be back in the new year. Following the game which was really more of a sideshow to the pints thoughts turned to the possibilites of a summer in either Poland or Ukraine. There were a few predicable jokes of there being more Irish in Poland next summer than there are currently Poles in Ireland. Once we had let our dreams out we all headed our seperate ways and went home to the waiting wife.

Early weekend

2011-11-14T00:03:00.002+02:00

After a tough four day week I finished up shortly before five off and headed off for some pre tale quiz drinks and a bit off food. As the table quiz was for the work charities I felt obliged to take friday off after so that I could give the event my all.

We managed to fit in four pints before ambling up to the quiz. We felt sure we wouldn't be late as there was at least one table full of staff there when we were leaving.
The quiz itself was fun but somewhat frustrating as we finished a point outside the prizes. Still I felt I had contributed my fair share and had managed to consume a few more pints in the process so viewed the whole endeavour as worthwhile.

By the time I was stumbling up to the bleeding horse for some post quiz pints I had put the disappointment of missing out on what was probably a poor bottle of wine behind me and was ready to find out how the rest of the night would develop.

I entered the bleeding horse with one gut from the office and ordered a couple of pints forthwith while he stuffed a foam guinness sign into my bag. Once we were refreshed we searched the bar from some of the guys from the dmc, not the dmc that runs but the one that managed documents, and found them sitting in a corner off the bar. They had lost a member due to a bout of fisticuffs but I couldn't get to much information about it only it seemed like something out of nothing.
There were some more pints and a whiskey had over the next few hours which all helped contribute to some bad dancing, deep talks and one conversation that I wanted no part off.
My time there ended with me suddenly deciding that I was hungry and embarking on an ultimately unsuccessful search for a burrito. Once I realised I had failed in this I returned home for a cheese toasty before collapsing into bed beside my slumbering wife.

I awoke with five minutes of friday morning left. After rating myself into the day with some breakfast and a powerful shower I set off to do some fruit shopping. In the five minute walk through the pelting rain that had been coming down heavily since I woke I decided I would be doing as little as possible for the day. When I returned home I found that builders had arrived to finish up a few loose ends. Not trusting my head to take any of the noises they might make I took my umbrella and headed back out into the deluge. I made my way into town where I picked up some items that were needed for the house. While there I got myself a reviving lunch and arrived home feeling a lot more refreshed to find that though the builders were gone my upstairs blinds were being put up. I stayed out of his way and wasted time on the internet until he was gone and was able to undertake a bit of a clean up before making myself a large pot of borsch which I intended to enjoy during irelands qualifying match against estonia. While I enjoyed the soup every bit as much as I hoped my enjoyment of the game exceeded my exceptions. It allowed me to dream of drink filled evenings in june. Feeling a warm glow not normally associated with hungover evenings I made my way to bed for I had arranged to take a hike around howth head at ten the next morning.

The next morning I awoke slightly earlier than I needed to as I was unsure of whether the wife would be joining me and as such whether I would be travelling by car or dart to the arranged starting point. Fortunately the sun was shining so she decided to join me and we were the first to arrive so we waited out the time being nice and warm in the car, I always thought siting in a warm car beats stretching as a warm-up excerise.
When the whole group had arrived we set off for a good solid hike across roads, fields and along cliffs. Loved being out in the sunshine and all that but I still don't feel the need to say hello to everyone I meet along the way, sometimes I felt it necessary to concentrate on my walking.

Following the walk we headed for a well earned meal which was devoured by all at the table. Once that had been done we all headed our separate ways. The wife and I returned home where we did a few more household jobs. Cleaning, shopping and haning paintings before we were able to relax for the evening. Me by catching up on the days rugby and her by testing out her new bath. I guess deciding on who got the better deal there depends on your personal preferences.

Sunday was a little bit more relaxed for us. No alarm to wake us up, unlike the last few mornings. I had a few little jobs do around the house. One of which involved organising the shed which gave me my fresh air quota for the day. I cooked a large meal for us to enjoy over lunch. There was still a little bit of Borsch left which I used as a starter for us. Feeling sort of inspired I decided to have a shot of vodka with pickles and honey as a little apertif. Once my jobs were done, and lunch eaten I took the remainder of the dinner wine and repaired to the front room for a Sunday evening movie. All in all I had to reflect on it as a good weekend. Started off with some fun and gradually wound it down. I was able to sit on the Sunday and reflect that I might be able to get through the next weekend with doing very little on the house.

Mid week relief

2011-11-09T23:00:00.001+02:00

It's hard to believe that I am now half way through my week. Well a looter more than that as I have friday off this week. What's even harder to believe is that I feel I've achieved something this week. Found an after venue for the post christmas party drinks and there have been various developments in work that give me faith that sometimes bad guys get what they deserve, or stupid bad guys do anyway.
I am less pleased about the introduction of a Chris Crinkle in the office this year. I've been two years without one and haven't missed it. Still I was happy with who I pulled out of the hat. Should be easy enough.
The builders continue to work away but they have started on a new job. We seem to have become a bit of an afterthought. They can only spare one guy and he is slowly working his way through our snag list. They tell me they'll be finished tomorrow but they said that yesterday and the day before that. I have told them they were not to come on friday morning as I plan to be sleeping. It's about time I assert some authority in my own house after all.

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Working Weekend

2011-11-07T18:31:00.000+02:00

I finally got back into my house there last week. While this has been a much anticipated development I feel I've yet to be able to enjoy it properly. Since coming back there's been nothing but shifting stuff and setting the place up.
I did manage to slip a few sneaky afterwork pints on Friday afternoon. The wife arrived when I was halfway through the third one, I quickly dispatched the remainder and we headed home. The pub I had wet my whistle in had thrown out some free chips and cocktail sausages which meant that while the wife was eating I was able to get a start on some of the work she had laid out for me. As most of it involved moving things from one point to another the few pints I'd had earlier didn't seem like that much of a drain on me.
The major problem for the evening occured when the wife tried to put on a wash which led to the discovery that the pipes hadn't been fitted properly. It was me who discovered the problem so there wasn't the panic the would have been had the wife witnessed the flood which was intruding on her new kitchen. The place was cleaned up before she knew there was a problem.
I eventually managed to get her to stop working shortly before midnight.
Saturday didn't start as early as we would have liked. When we did get going we were joined by my parents. My mother thought us a lesson in cleaning and she scrubbed and polished the front room, after i had shifted the furniture out. My father tackled some of the ceilings in the various room of the house. My general job was to shift furniture and anything else that was considered to be in the way. I did load all the leftover wood from the job into the shed. We're well stocked for winter at this stage.
Further reinforcements arrived in the shape of Fanj who once changed into his work clothes bagan the painting job in the living room. He emparted some painting wisdom which helped make the job the wife was doing upstairs a little easier. I had tried and failed to meet my wifes high criteria on painting the previous week so I left the two of them at it and concentrated on cleaning the one bedroom that had been done before concentrating on the area of my expertise and prepared a big feed for the workers.
Following a highly satisfying day of work we were delighted to tuck into a big dinner accompanied by a bottle of red. Fanj headed off into the night well worked and fed while the wife seemed intent on beginning to work again. I had to drag her to bed or else she probably would have gone all night.
Despite a well intentioned statement from the wife that she was getting up at half eight Sunday didn't start until almost eleven. We went into the living room where it turned out that Fanj had done something that both myself and my brother had failed to do and met the wifes high criteria for painting. With the house nearly painted I was able to clean and arrange stuff as instructed. It was amazing the stuff that turned up while we were cleaning. We discovered an old phone as well as countless rings for curtains. Probably more rings than we have curtains for. Though it seemed like a never-ending task it was with relief that as we finished up on Sunday night I was able to think that the work was nearly completed. I might even be able to relax next weekend.

Need to keep this up

2011-11-03T19:11:00.000+02:00

Wow it's been a while since I've updated this. I really need to get into the habit of keeping it current. Last time I wrote I was still in the planning extension of my kitchen extension. Well now I'm close to the end. After a month with my parents we moved back in a couple of days ago. The builders told us they would be finished today when we get back but I imagine that there will be little bits and pieces for them to finish off. The whole thing took longer than expected. Once they came into the house things just snowballed. Whether it was finding that our wiring was about fifty years old or chunks of plaster coming off when myself and the wife tried to strip the wallpaper we've ended up moving from a kitchen extension to a complete house renovation.
Last night was frustrating. I left work early with the intention of getting loads done but due to many issues everything I attempted failed. After about two hours of constant failure I gave up and dossed online for the evening. The one thing I succeeded at was getting the internet hooked up. So I spent my first night alone in the house killiing time while my wife was out sipping Mojtios, well she says she only had one but who only has one drink?
Hopefully when I get home tonight the builders stuff will be moved out and we can go and start moving stuff around. I'm beginning to think I may not have a fun weekend for the rest of the year. Thank Thor I've a few things on in December at which my attendance will be expected.
Anyway it seems my wife and I have different priorities with the whole house organising. We agree our room should be tackled first. It's mostly done but the ivergane comes with me wanting to tackle the living room and her more concerned with getting the kitchen clean. Might be best just to agree on a division of labour there. She grew up under communism so should understand the concept.
Right that's enough procrastinating. Time to get to work.

weekend

2011-06-26T20:33:00.001+03:00

A quiet weekend this time. Got a lot going on in July so I kept the head down in anticipation of what's ahead.
Two very different things took up my time. On Saturday afternoon I had to do the shopping for the wifes birthday. Over the years I have developed a technique for this. Rather than spend hours trying to find the perfect gift, which doesn't exist anyway, I spend a few hours wandering around the shops buying things that look nice. I'm not going to say what I got as she occasionally reads this out of a sense of spousal duty but I am confident that she will both like and get use out of the selection of gifts.
Sunday afternoon was spent on the hill. Took up my usual spot on the left side of the goal and enjoyed what was an engaging contest, if somewhat closer than I and my fellow hill inhabitants would have liked. I stood in front of a real mouth for the whole game. I had no choice but to listen to his commentary. Had it been up to him the dubs would have emptied their bench in the first ten minutes and played a brand of football based purely on letting it in. He had a number of personal sayings my favourite of which was his constant referring to the kildare players as "carrot crunchers" carrots famously having been banned from the metropolitan area. Anyway I can put up with anti-cluchie bias and even ill informed commentary but what really got to me were the constant speckles of spit hitting my neck as he exclaimed. Thank God the dubs closed it out as I imagine a defeat would have unleashed Niagara upon me.

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Kitchens

2011-06-16T01:17:00.001+03:00

We are getting our kitchen done shortly. This has meant that I suddenly have to develop opinions on things I neither know nor care much about. Tile colours, bath shapes and the positioning of towel racks for example. I had thought that this sort of thing had died along with the flowers I was required to give an opinion on at the wedding.
So I expressed a preference for dark red tiles in the bath room, not for any real reason just something to add to the conversation, and was surprised by the enthusiastic response I got as they would make the bathroom seem warmer. Why are we getting new radiators and insulation put in if the solution was to bathe the house in these so called warm colours? In fact why do I spend my winter mornings cleaning the fire place when we already have a dark red strip right in the middle of our sitting room?
Still I must preserve as I must do want the extra space for cooking that is going to result from this and the added light would be good. I don't see why I need to be as involved in the little details, I don't have much time or talent for design. Still I'm sure I will hear many more things which baffle me over the coming months leading to much more venting similar to the previous passage.

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An Overview of my Garden

2011-06-13T23:04:00.001+03:00

Got back and gave the garden a bit of a clean up after the a few weeks of neglect. Started off doing a general clean up, cutting grass, trimming bush, etc. Then I scaled back the weeds a bit, there are good number of them so I couldn't get at all of them so I took care of the most obvious ones before beginning my inspection of the vegetable patch. We brought in some onions and garlic before our holiday and now I would say we can bring in the potatoes as their leaves are showing definite signs of yellow. The wife reckons the carrots are ready to be pulled but as the evening was drawing in I began to tidy the mess I had made with my war on the hedges. The vegetables would have to wait until my next free sunny afternoon, which in Dublin surely couldn't be too far away.

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A Few Days in Prague

2011-06-12T20:10:00.001+03:00

I met Augusto by the statues on Mala Strana and we went for some dinner where we discussed life and passion. Augusto ordered a plate of ribs which was so big that it inspired the table beside us to order a portion for themselves.
After sitting outside until we began to feel a chill, the day had been a bit cooler than previous days thanks to the storm the night before, we headed up the road to my favourite bar.
I learnt that it's best not to go there before eleven as aside from a crowd who seemed to be finishing off some sort of a picnic the place was quiet. Four police popped in and took a brief look around but that was as exciting as it got until about eleven when the bar started filling up.
A couple of Czechs set at the table next to us. Enticed by our exoticness and the fact that there was a copy of "The Good Soldier Svejk", which I had leant to Augusto and he was returning unread, they struck up conversation with us. One of them did anyway as the other didn't have any English and we had not much Czech. Still between us all we managed to pass the night away agreeably.
The next morning was the first of the holiday where the wife awoke before me. After a brief breakfast we headed off to do some shopping. I made a stop for a smoothie as I needed the fruity goodness.
After this I lazily followed the wife around the shops as she searched for an umbrella. Once one had been found we headed off for some lunch. After enjoying my delicious meal of mixed pork the wife announced that she intended to go home for a nap. Not feeling tired myself I decide to take a scenic walk home.
Once I had seen the wife safely onto a tram I set off in the direction of the old town square, where I stopped on a bench and watched all the other tourists go about their sight-seeing. Once I had summoned up some more energy I headed in the direction of the river which I walked up in the direction of Charles bridge. Normally I would avoid crossing Charles bridge during the day but I had a message to do on the other side so I weaved in and out of the tour groups and crossed it.
Feeling throughly worn out after my crossing I stopped for a quick beer by the river. I knew that because of my location the beer would be pricey but once I saw how pricey it was I resolved to take my time with it. It was while I was enjoying my beer that I got a text from the wife informing me of our plans for the evening.
Now that I had a deadline to get home I finished my beer before heading up to an Irish bar to see if they would be showing the hurling the next day, which they said they would be. This would give me something to do while the wife met with several of her girlfriends.
That evening we met one of the wifes friends from Dublin who is now back living in Prague but wants to return to Dublin for dinner in an Argentine restaurant. We set out in their wonderful courtyard and enjoyed several beers and swapping travel stories. After dinner we took the same walk I had taken earlier in the day. It was a different walk at that time of night. Not quite as crowded but a bit more noisy. As our friend did not want to cross the river, as it would mean having to use two modes of transport to get home we said our good-byes at Charles bridge.
We awoke too early for my liking the next morning and headed to the train station to catch the train to Hrusice my father in laws home village which is a rather small village about forty minutes from Prague. We had a brief tour of the old summer house and a chat with some cousins before lunch.
Having done everything we had planned to do there we headed back to Prague where we both had evening engagements. I was to call in on some friends of mine and their new baby while the wife was meeting some of her friends for an evening of girl talk. This divergence in plans meant that for the first time I was to get the metro and a bus by myself. Aside from walking the wrong way when I got off the bus at my friends stop I managed it without too much difficulty.
After a couple of hours looking at the peacefully sleeping baby I headed back into town where I headed to the Irish bar in Mala Strana for some hurling while I awaited word from the wife. The bar was not that busy and I was the only person there with any interest in the game. Well there was a group of German tourists who seemed to be intrigued by what was going on but there interest soon waned as they concentrated on their beer.
After the game I wandered up to find the restaurant my wife was in, which would have been a lot easier if she had given me the correct tram station for it. I wandered managed to find them just as they had finished off their food ruining my plans to do a little clean up of their plates. I had a quick beer while the girls finished off their chatting.
The wife and I were heading back to my favourite bar for a couple of last beers in Prague and mentioned this to her friend. When hearing where we were headed we were warned that the two times her friend had been there a fight had broken out. As I've been there plenty of times and always found it to be a most agreeable place I took this warning to say more about the wifes friends luck than the character of the bar.
When we got to the bar we found the barman was in a bit of a mood as a group of about twenty French tourists had arrived with each of them ordering cocktails.
-I don't know they think this is a cocktail bar and not just a pub.
I felt a bit embarrassed in having to order a mojito for the wife but she would not be swayed in her choice. In the end they ran out of ice so we had to go downstairs for her drink.
The bar was fast filling up by this stage and we were joined at our table by three Austrian girls who were studying in Prague. I think the wife was a bit annoyed when she came back from the toilet and found me in conversation with them all but she soon could involved in our discussion which covered the differences between Austrians and Germans, in both culture and language, the differences and similarities between Austrians and Czechs, again in both culture and language, and the difference between Irish and everyone else. I was told by one of them, who had visited Ireland, that I spoke remarkably understandable English. As the night went on our range of topics expanded and I even provided some career advice to one of them who was studying sociology and Russian which I suggested seemed a perfect background for a spy. She seemed quite taken with the idea. After sometime we all decided to call it a night for various reasons, study for them and the need to pack for us.
After a slow start the next day we set off in the rain with our freshly packed bags for the airport. The wife has a friend who works in the airport and when we went to check in we discovered that she had booked us in the front row with the middle seat free, which was nice. We joined her for lunch, one last feed of dumplings, before boarding our flight home.

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Loucen

2011-06-10T00:40:00.001+03:00

We arrived in Loucen and were relieved to find that our accommodation was just around the corner from the bus stop. When we got there the landlady asked if we wanted to eat. Having gathered from our bus journey through the town that there wasn't much in the way of alternatives we agreed. After a quick wash we came back downstairs to the bar for dinner. The storm had resumed outside so we knew we weren't going anywhere else. The landlady recommended the strawberry dumplings but neither of us was in the mood for them. As a second option she suggested the pork knee with dumplings which I went for while the wife went for sausages. After dinner and a few beers in the bar, which reminded me somewhat of hartigans on Leeson street, we retired for the evening.
The storm had passed over by morning time, leaving a bit of a chill in the air, and after the saltiest omelette I have ever had we headed off to Loucen castle where there were ten mazes for us to navigate. Each was made from a different material, truf, hedge, stone and wooden fence being some examples. Some of them were more difficult that others. The pavement maze had us going in circles for some time. All though the wooden fence maze could have done with being a little taller as I was able to see which path would lead to a dead end before I took it. Still it was all great fun, if occasionally frustrating. Though I did feel the designers had run out of ideas with the last maze as they just carved a maze into a standing stone for you to do with your finger.
After looking at the menu of the other restaurant in town we headed back to our accommodation for lunch. After which we caught a bus back to Prague where we would be spending the last few days of our break and where I would be meeting up with my old friend Augusto for some food and drinks that evening.

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Cesky Raj

2011-06-09T15:26:00.001+03:00

I awoke aching following my mountain climbing and monkey park adventures. I honestly could have done with a nice relaxing day by a pool but we were heading off to explore the rock formations of Prachovske Skaly.
After a breakfast which showed up the difference in standards between hotel and hostel breakfasts we set off for a quick walk around Jicins pretty town centre before our bus. There was a cacti exhibition on which we threw a sharp eye over.
For some reason the bus we were to catch left from a different stop and headed a different destination to the one given online so we had to walk the seven kilometres from Jicin to Prachovske Skaly. This did give us an opportunity to visit some points on the battle of Jicin walking tour but I could have happily lived without knowing which manoeuvres took place in which field. We were well warmed up by the time we reached Prachovske Skaly.
The wife had described the area as a rock city so I was expecting houses hewn into the rocks. What it actually transpired to be was a collection of sandstone pinnacles, passages and caves. We walked around it for a few hours. Climbing the peaks to marvel at the views of the countryside from the top and squeezed through the passages, some of which were a tight squeeze even for my diminutive wife let alone a man of my generous proportions. It was all lovely and peaceful though I could have done without the sight of the fifty something year old women walking around in their bras.
Feeling thoroughly worn out we made sure we caught the bus back to Jicin for a late lunch before we caught our bus.
As we headed to the bus station we could see fork lightening in the distance and were delighted to be stepping on bus just as the first drops of rain fell from the sky.
Our final destination was the town of Loucen, a town so small it wasn't on our map, but we were required to change buses. When we asked at the desk of our connecting station which stop the Loucen bus left from we were told that she didn't have any information which begs the question of what she was doing there in the first place. We were able to figure it out for ourselves. We boarded to the bus and headed to Loucen where there was a castle with five mazes for us to tackle the next day.

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Pec Pod Snezkou

2011-06-07T21:53:00.001+03:00

We started the new week by taking what would be the longest journey of our trip. A four and a half hour bus trip up to Pec Pod Snezkou which would be our basecamp for our climb of Snezka. After much needed and well tasty lunch we explored the town with a view to finding the best way up the mountain. This took us about twenty minutes during which time I decided that the town was more set up for winter tourism.
With the town well seen we headed back to our lodgings where we had a few beers in their riverside beer garden. We could a bit of a shock when we found out that it was closing at around six. This gave me some doubts about what sort of nightlife we could expect here.
After a quick wash we headed out in search of a couple of pre-dinner drinks. It looked like everywhere in the town closed early but we did manage to find a bar which was open and was serving food. All be it they had a choice between gulas and pickled sausage but we didn't seem to be in any position to be picky. It was a cosy little bar, the staff were friendly and the food was good. The wife had her usual post dinner mojito but found that this one was the strongest she'd had. About three quarters of the way through she announced that her head was spinning so we moved from the high stools to a low table just to be safe.
A massive storm had blown in by this stage. There was no chance of us leaving the bar until it had passed. We found a deck of cards and passed the night sampling the local beer and playing games while the locals watched cookery shows on Czech tv.
The next morning the storm had passed leaving a bright day behind. We set off to climb Snezka. There was an option to take a chair-lift up but we passed on it. It seemed that we were the only ones who did as we enjoyed a very peaceful trek up the mountain. About half way up there is a second chance to jump on the chairlift and this time the wife decided to avail of it.
I continued on as I would be unable to look myself in the mirror if I only climbed half a mountain. I put "Sabbath Bloody Sabbath" on the i-pod to aide me in my ascent. Once I turned the corner after the chair-lift station I was able to see the summit. I briefly thought the chair-lift wasn't such a bad idea. What had been a manageable gradient was about to get a lot tougher. The remainder of the way looked as steep as North Great Georges Street and about five times as long. Still I pushed on though when "Killing Yourself to Live" came on I viewed it in a different light than ever before.
The wife was waiting at the top and was surprised at my speed, which I took to be a good thing. After catching my breath we took a walk around the summit and looked into Poland. We then took the chair-lift back down which considering the fact that I am not great with heights was probably tougher on my heart than the trek up had been.
Following a well deserved lunch I had a go in a monkey park obstacle course. This comprised of making your way between various stations which had been built up in trees by way of zip lines, tight ropes, and various types of hanging, swinging platforms. It was very tough going especially as at one stage I lost my balance, got my leg tangled up in some rope and had to free myself. It was great fun and I enjoyed it immensely despite the fact that my limbs were shaking as I hauled myself through the last obstacle.
With easily the most physically demanding day of the trip behind us we boarded a bus to Jicin where the wife had managed to secure us a hotel room at a hostel price.

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The Sandstone Gorges of Labe

2011-06-06T17:50:00.001+03:00

We boarded the Berlin train which would take us to the sandstone gorges of Labe. The first seats we set it turned out to be reserved for four Germans. While we had no problems with giving them their seats we thought it would have been a lot easier if they had stood back to let us out of the compartment before trying to crowd in.
We found a new compartment which we shared with a nice American who was doing Europe for a couple of months. We discussed the usual things that travellers discuss. Destinations, beer and sports until we came to our destination. He was travelling onto Denmark so we wished him well with his long journey.
We had six minutes to figure out how to get to our connecting bus which we managed with just a small bit of running. Thankfully the bus took us to the bottom of our trek so we were able to begin without any delay.
We had a relatively easy uphill trek through some woods. Once we were nearly at the top we came to a barrier and were informed we would have to pay if we wanted to continue to the top. Now I don't mind paying for tourist attractions but I did feel it was a bit cheeky to allow you to hike four fifths of the way up and then charge you. We grudgingly paid and continued on to enjoy some speculator views of the surrounding countryside. Once we had our fill of scenery we headed back down.
We were quite fortunate that as soon as we stepped out of the woods onto the main road a bus pulled up thus saving up the three kilometre walk back to town. We got back to the train station with five minutes to spare before the next train to Prague but were shocked to find that the train from Germany was late.

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A Night and a Day in Brno

2011-06-06T15:55:00.001+03:00

After washing the day off us we headed back to Brnos centre for dinner and a few drinks. We had decided to visit a Laos restaurant we had heard about, mainly as we had honeymooned there and wanted to see if they had it. They didn't so I went for a red curry while the wife chose a duck salad. We ate in a lovely courtyard with Asian decorations. It was a nice peaceful place and the waiter was delighted to chat to us about our time in Laos. Unfortunately the ambience was ruined when a British stag party walked in. Feeling thoroughly stuffed we left the place in search of a nice bar. Heading towards the main square we noticed that we seemed to be moving in the opposite direction of the crowd. When we got to the square we found out that we had missed some form of a concert.
Undaunted by our misfortune we continued our search for a bar. We found one place which seemed quite busy so headed in. Once in we scanned its all white interior decor, decided that it was too trendy for us about and walked back out. After some searching we found a bar with a nice beer garden and set down there. While I had been travelling in Bohemia a number of people told me not to drink the local beer in Moravia. I had dismissed this as regional rivalry but after trying a few of the local beers realised that it was just friendly advice.
After we had drunk our fill, my wife was drinking virgin cocktails, we took the long way home. This took us through Brnos old cabbage market, which as we would discover the next day was still home to a fruit and veg market. In the centre of the square is a fountain with a statue of Hercules restraining Cerberus the three headed guard-dog of the underworld. He is surrounded by three women representing the ancient empires of Babylon, Persia and Greece with a woman on top representing Europe. Not sure what the metaphor here is but it doesn't seem too positive.
The next morning we allowed ourselves a sleep in, getting up just in time for breakfast. We they slowly ambled around Brnos old town. The wife decided to do a bit of shopping so I popped into a nearby church. The priest was taking confession but I didn't feel my Czech was not quite strong enough to detail my multitude of sins so I went back out to wait in the sun.
After buying some peas in the cabbage market we walked down to the main square where there was another concert on. We pulled up a chair at a cafe terrace and enjoyed the band who were giving well known hits a soul reworking. Sipping on a nicely chilled Moravian white I thought that I could get quite use to this. Then the band finished and were followed by a traditional Czech band. They sounded a lot like German marching music so we marched on out of there.
The couple of wines had made roused by appetite and we found a decent restaurant near the cabbage market where we had massive feed. Needed of us wanted to leave but we decided that a walk up to the castle would do us some good. This turned out to be a mistake. I was getting a stitch halfway up the hill. Still we made it to the top and enjoyed the views until the storm clouds which had been edging closer all day made their presence felt.
We took shelter under an old arch until a break in the rain allowed us to head to the train station. It was good that we decided to move when we did as shortly after we reached the station it started really bucketing down and we got treated to some serious thunder and lightening.
All of the places we still planned to visit could only be reached via Prague so we would be making an unexpected stop at the in-laws armed with a weeks worth of laundry for them.

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Skalni Mlyn and the caves

2011-06-03T20:10:00.001+03:00

Our first night in Brno was an early one. We got woken the next morning by the sound of the Russian guests in our hostel enjoying their breakfast.
After our own breakfast we headed to the train station to catch the half nine train to Blansko where we would visit some nearby caves. The bus we had taken from the train station the night before had changed its route overnight. This led to us having to jump on a connecting tram and sprint through the train station but we managed to make our train. We had some time to wait for the next bus to the caves. Fortunately after a couple of dull days the sun had returned allowing us to sit on a bench and slowly melt.
When we got to the caves we found that we couldn't go into either cave for another hour and a half. We took a walk through some woods while we waited. As we walked we came to an abyss. There was a small charged to go to the edge which we paid. Once we had gotten to the edge of the abyss we wished we hadn't bothered as the view down wasn't all that impressive. It would have been a steep drop but really not something you should be charged to take a look at.
It was almost time to go into our first cave of the day. After about ten minutes I realised that I didn't really like caves all that much. They're cold, wet and I constantly have to worry about hitting my head. Also the tites and the mites don't do much for me. Despite my indifference to the subject of the tour I will admit that it was put together quite well with atmospheric music played at different stages of the tour and special effects highlighting the rock formations that seem to look like things. Though most of them only look vaguely like they are suppose to.
Having seen two caves we headed back to Brno hoping to sample some of its nightlife.

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Telc

2011-06-03T20:07:00.001+03:00

Feeling somewhat sleepy from my drum and bass excursions the night before I boarded the bus for Telc. I slept through the journey.
Telc turned out to be a small town with a pretty square and a nice waterside walk but not much else. After seeing all we could see there we hopped back on the bus this time heading for Brno, Czech Republics second largest city where we would be basing ourselves for the next couple of days.

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Final Night in Ceske Budejovice

2011-06-02T18:10:00.001+03:00

Once we got back to Ceske Budejovice we brought our bus tickets for our next days trip to Telc. Strangely enough the ticket office wasn't in the bus station but a shopping centre beneath it.
For dinner that evening we went for an Indian, my tastebuds craving something with a little bit more spice than standard Czech fare had to offer. The waiter chuckled when I asked for my vindaloo extra hot and told me not to worry. He was right as the vindaloo turned out to be lip burningly hot.
As we left the restaurant with my mouth still on fire we passed by a place doing two for one mojitos so we popped in to satisfy my wifes never ending thirst for them. The bar was almost empty and you could see why they were doing drinks promotions. For some reason the barman took my wifes order of one mojito each to mean we wanted four in total. After some arguing over the order I threatened to leave without having anything which seemed to settle the issue.
We quickly drank down the mojitos and headed out of the bar to find somewhere with a bit more life. We eventually settled on a blues bar which rarely enough for Czech bars had a none smoking area. The wife decided she would have a second drink which briefly made her hyper and then made her extremely sleepy.
After bringing the wife home and doing some packing I decided that I was still thirsty and headed back out to mighty bar where I'd caught the live music the night before. It was like going to a completely different bar. It was packed out and there was drum and bass thumping out of the sound system. I ordered a beer, leant against the bar and watched the youth of Budejovice enjoy themselves. After some time I fell into conversation with some guys who were kind enough to teach me some Czech phrases I could use on my wife. They also suggested I stay on in Budejovice for a big party at the weekend. The more I demurred the more insistent they became. Eventually I just said I would talk to the wife about it and they left it at that. Finally having had more beers than I had intended and a better time than I imagined when setting out I called it a night.

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Hluboka Nad Vltavou

2011-06-01T19:13:00.001+03:00

The next morning the blue skies which had been overhead for the past few days were draped in grey. Unperturbed we headed out to catch our train to Hluboka Nad Vltavou where there would be another castle for us to admire. We had an eight minute train journey and began following the signs to the centre. After twenty minutes of waking we saw neither a town or a castle. We came to a bus stop and studied it's timetable to see if we could figure out where to go. Luckily as were doing this a bus pulled up heading our direction. As the bus continued on with its journey we realised we would have had quite a walk if it hadn't come along and decided we would get the bus back that evening.
Once we arrived in Hluboka Nad Vltavou we set out on the uphill walk to the towns castle. I understand the defensive reasons for building castles on the top of hills but after spending the week walking up them I found myself wishing Europe had enjoyed a more peaceful history.
The castle itself was white and Disney like in its appearance. Inside it was full of lavish decorations that highlighted the luxurious lifestyles the previous owners must have lived. According to our tour guide the castle had past through several hands as the various owners went bankrupt. My favourite story of the day was about the woman who six husbands. Five of them died in mysterious circumstances and the sixth survived her by the simple strategy of never being alone with her.
After our tour we had a quick walk through the castle gardens where I tried my hand at some archery. I had a few shots with a long-bow and a few with a crossbow. I realised that I wouldn't be called on to defend any castles anytime soon.
We took a break for a lunch of garlic soup and grilled sausage before visiting an art gallery attached to the castle. It had an eclectic collection. The first room housed a collection of various icons, the second a variety of works by Dutch artists and the final room was home to the modernist work of Czech artist Jiri Balcar. My wife showed our opinion of some of his work by telling me that I could have painted it. Still it proved diverting for an hour or so. Once finished here we had some time before our bus and so headed off to the pub to pass the time.
When we got to the bus stop we waited across the road from the stop we had got off at earlier that day. As we waited it occurred to me that we didn't know if the bus we had caught earlier was going to Ceske Budejovice or coming from there. As I mentioned this to my a bus pulled up across the road. She darted across to check its destination and sure enough we were on the wrong side of the road. Still the crisis was averted and we were safely on our way back for our last night in Ceske Budejovice.

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Ceske Budejovice Again

2011-06-01T19:11:00.001+03:00

Following a little power nap we took a stroll down the Ceske Budejovice portion of the volta towards in search of some dinner. We found a traditional Czech restaurant close to the town square which we decided on. In fact it was so traditional they didn't have an English menu so my deciding on what to have for dinner was a joint effort with the wife. In the end I went for steak tartar while she went for potato pancakes. I find it odd in Czech restaurants that they ask you how much bread you want before your meal as it's not something I ever plan out. After a nice meal washed down with a couple of
unfiltered beers we got the feeling that it was time to leave. Something about the way the waitress was putting chairs on tables gave it away.
We headed back down the river towards the bar that had caught my eye the night before. We were walking in the direction of a storm and lightening would flash across the sky every few minutes.
The bar was called Mighty bar and there was a gig going on when we got there. After ascertaining that the band were only going to be on for another we haggled down the price to something reflecting the amount of time we'd be getting.
The bar was small, dark and smoky. The band were a female fronted four piece playing music that leant towards the heavier side of grunge. We both enjoyed the five songs we caught. My wife had been hoping to get a mojito earlier but had been unable to find a bar serving them so she was delighted when she saw a giant sign over this bar saying mojito.
After the band played we fell into conversation with a deadlocked Czech guy who at the end of our chat said he had a gift for me and wandered off to get it. My wife was a little concerned as to what sort of a gift this drunk deadlocked guy would be giving me and I was intrigued about it myself. He came back with a cd of his band and requested that we give it a listen and if we liked it find them on Facebook which seemed like a fair trade for a free cd. Following my wifes one drink and my three beers; three to one being the perfect ratio of drinks between man and woman according to James Bond we headed home to bed.

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Cesky Krumlov

2011-05-31T21:35:00.001+03:00

Following the moving of our bags we head off to find the bus station, which turned out to be on top of a shopping centre. After an uneventful bus trip we arrived into the delightfully pretty Cesky Krumlov. With no particular plan other than to reach the castle and climb its tower we took our time wandering through the towns winding streets.
We came through the towns square and crossed the river volta which continues onto Prague. While crossing the bridge I noticed a restaurant which had tables and chairs right up to the edge of the river bank. I decided that was where I wanted to have lunch today.
Our wandering took us into an old church ground which for some reason was now home to a fairly large model giraffe. After a few more minutes of wandering we found ourselves in the castle courtyard. We crossed the old moat, stopping briefly when we noticed that it still housed some bears. Both of whom were doing there best to chill out in the shade and ignore the crowds of tourists gawking at them. As we continued into the castle grounds we came to a viewing balcony and realised that we had passed by the tour. Ah well we would see it on our way out we decided.
We continued on through the rest of the castle grounds managing to take in the gardens and a small theatre with a revolving stage. Feeling the first stirring of hunger in our bellies we decided we had seen as much as we were going to see in the castle and headed back to the river for lunch. Not before hauling ourselves up the castle towers steep steps and enjoying the panoramic view of the town and its surrounding countryside offered from the top.
It turned out that the restaurant with the nice riverside sitting was a vegetarian restaurant. We decided that this would be a nice change from all the meaty Czech food we'd been having the past few days, even my fried eggs had bits of bacon in them at breakfast.
We had a lovely view for lunch as we watched various canoes and rafts head in the direction of Prague. There was a very amusing ten minutes watching one group who had hit a hidden rock pile in the middle of the river struggle to free themselves which they eventually managed to do to cheer from the bridge where a crowd had gathered to watch.
Our brief stop for lunch developed into a rather long liquid lunch and was only cut short by the gathering of some nasty looking clouds.
To avoid the rain we headed into the marionette museum. The exhibit put me in mind of toy story 2, containing as it did row after row of toys that spent their days being looked at but not being played with. The tour ended with a video of Don Giovanni being performed by marionettes.It looked like a low budget thunderbirds which really isn't saying much. Still by the time we had finished there the rain had eased enough for us to make our way back to the bus station and return to Ceske Budejovice.

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Ceske Budejovice

2011-05-31T14:40:00.001+03:00

We arrived in Ceske Budejovice without incident or delay and quickly found our way to our accommodation for the night.
After washing off the day we headed out to see if we could get some supper.
Our luck didn't seem to be in as the first couple of places we came to were closing for the night.
After some walking we came to the towns main square and found a place that, after consulting with the kitchen agreed to feed us.
For a change I ordered a dark beer to accompany my meal. For the meal itself I ordered some pickled cheese, which I shared with the wife. The wife recommend a mixed meat spread with crunchy garlic bread and so I tried that. It turned out to be an excellent recommendation. The dish consisted of several meats, sausage, bacon and beef, coated in a spicy tomato sauce and topped off with grated cheese. It was every bit as tasty as it sounds. Feeling thoroughly full not to mention a little sleepy from our days excursions we headed back to our room for the night. On the way there we passed an interesting sounding bar and I made a point of letting the wife know that we'd be popping in there on one of our nights in Ceske Budejovice.
After a great nights sleep we stumbled downstairs for a massive breakfast of bread, cheese, ham, eggs, coffee and chocolate moose. I asked for some orange juice which they didn't have. They did offer me a beer but I decided it was too early in the morning to be starting that sort of carry on.
After swapping hostels due to booking restrictions we headed to the bus station to catch the 11 bus to Cesky Krumlov our destination for the day.

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Pilzen

2011-05-30T22:44:00.001+03:00

After yesterdays day trip to Karlstejn we were leaving Prague for a couple of weeks. Our eventful destination was Ceske Budejovice, home of the original Budwesier, but we stopping for the day in Pilzen the home of Sokda.
Feeling a bit weary as we boarded the half nine train we picked carriage with two Americans on their way to Germany. When the ticket inspector came they were informed that while they were on the right train they were on the wrong carriage and would have to change at Pilzen, which seemed like an unnecessary complication to me.
As a result we all vacated the carriage at Pilzen but while they reboarded the train we carried on down the platform into the station. Inside the station we grappled with the combined difficulty of soviet era lockers and unclear instructions. We eventually deposited our luggage after some help from a member of staff and headed out into the city.
We had briefly scanned the map on the train and decided that turning left and crossing the river would be the quickest way to namesti Republika, the citys old square. We crossed the river easy enough and came onto what seemed to be a fairly main street. Again we decided to turn left. After five minutes of walking we cross-checked the street we were on with our guidebook map. The street wasn't on the map so we asked for directions from a passer by who informed us that we were to turn around and keep going straight.
We found the square easy enough after passing by a statue commemorating the soviet Czech "agreement" of 1945 which disgusted my wife.
The square itself was a petty little square though its appearance was marred somewhat by the fact that a childrens was taking place.
We were about to head to a tour of the cities medieval tunnels when my wife spotted a domed tower which interested her so we headed off to investigate. It turned out to be the worlds third biggest synagogue. We would have gone in to take a look but they were charging and we decided we weren't that interested.
We headed back towards the tunnels tour which handily started from the brewery museum. Our plan for the day was to do the tunnel tour before lunch the brewery museum tour after lunch and then stop off at the Pilsner Urquell brewery on the way to the train station for their tour. Unfortunately the timing of the tours didn't quite work out for us so we dropped the Pilsner Urquell brewery. We brought our tickets for our two tours. Along with our tickets for the brewery tour we were given two tokens fashioned as medieval coins. We were told these could be used either as a memento of the tour or exchanged for beer after the tour. When it became clear that I intended to drink both our tokens my wife was graciously given an extra token.
The tunnel was was quite interesting. A maze of tunnels running underneath the city. We were given hard hats for the tour was a good thing as i whacked my head twice in the first two minutes of the tour and a further five times in the remainder.The tunnels originally started out as private cellars for food and beer storage but expanded and linked up for defensive purposes as Pilzen grew in importance. There were various alcoves as you walked along the tunnels which house various items found during historical digs of the tunnels as well as scenes depicting medieval life. This combined with a detailed audio tour provided a detailed insight into the lifestyles of all the classes in 14th century Czech. As a surprise we were given two tokens for the brewery museums bar.
After checking out the brewery bars menu we decide to go to a restaurant from the guidebook U Mansfelda. Definitely the right choice. As well as having a lovely terrace overlooking a quiet square it had an extensive menu covering all the Czech specialties my Czech wife won't eat as well as some non Czech she could enjoy. In the end we shared a starter of blue cheese spread with garlic bread, horseradish and fried chili peppers. She went for a main course of pasta and bacon in a cheese sauce with vegetables while I went for wild boar gulas with an assortment of dumplings.
Both feeling properly stuffed we headed back to the brewery museum for our tour. First I used the two tokens we'd gotten from the tunnel tour. Combined with the couple of beers I'd with lunch I felt in a suitable frame of mind for brewery tour.
The tour was quite well done. Starting with the roots of beer production back Egyptian times, apparently it use to be considered a food, right up to modern day Czech brewing techniques. Along the way you get to play with various old taps, walk through taverns from different periods and view a fine collection of beer mats.
After polishing off my tour beers we decided to go sit by the river until it was time to catch our train. We picked a nice little spot behind the Pilsner Urquell brewery which caused me to ponder the soberity of the fish as I lay out in the sun. Some time later we were disturbed by a dog fetching a ball and realised we should make our way to the train station.
When we got there I discovered that my memory of the code for our locker was incorrect. After a small bit of paperwork our locker was opened and our bags retrieved.
Fully loaded we hopped on our train where we got a compartment to ourselves. My wife stretched out for a nap while i sipped on some beer I'd picked up on the way to the station and watched the countryside fly by.

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Karlstejn

2011-05-30T17:25:00.001+03:00

We got the 11 train to Karlstejn still feeling slightly groggry from the night before. We set across from a woman with a dog and enjoyed a scenic train ride down a river which helped shake away the cobwebs. When we came to our stop we squeezed by the woman and her dog. Any cobwebs that remained were blown away by the half hour uphill walk to the castle.
When we arrived there we discovered that the Czech language tours were half the price of the English ones. We decided we would take the Czech tour and the wife would translate for me.
Delighted with our plan we patiently awaited our tour to begin. However a shiver of anxiety ran through us when we spotted a sign stating that translating was prohibited. We decided that we would hide down the back of the group and my wife would translate on the sly.
Despite their determination to screw the tourists the tour was quite well done providing a little trip to the life and politics in a medieval court.
Feeling thoroughly imbibed with culture we endeavoured to find a restaurant with a nice view to the castle so that my wife could sketch. Unable to find one on the tourist trail we headed to a place near the train station that had attracted my nostrils earlier.
It turned out to be called krcma u ezopa who served up a hearty feed of roast garlic pork with saurkraut and dumpings for me and a slightly lighter game pate for my wife. She decided to follow up her meal with a nice ice-cream and hot fruits dessert. I however was fit to burst and decided that my meal required washing. A few kozel (goat) beers later i was back to feeling comfortably foot.
The wife had been busy sketching while i drank and wanted to go back up the town to compare the colours. So we walked half way back up the hill and found a nice step with a view to the castle which she set on and touched up her colours. Of course i had a thirst on me at this stage and nipped to the nearest kiosk for a can. It was only when i was sitting back on the step sipping on my beer that i realised we were sitting under a bin. We had never looked so down and out before.
She finished her sketch around the time i finished my beer so we headed back for the train where the woman with the dog was waiting for us when we took our seats.

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2011-05-19T00:24:00.001+03:00

Reefeo looked down at the three gnomes.
-Hmm, three gnomes. I'm not sure I could eat three of you but I guess I could get through one and a half and put the rest on ice for later or maybe salt it.
Bikrem and Kezzem looked at each other aghast and then looked at Laurus imploring her to say something. Laurus was speechless, she had been relieved to find her way back here in the dark but Reefeos opening line had knocked this relief out of her. Reefeo let out a laugh as he watched the panic on the gnomes faces. Unfortunately his laugh did nothing to calm the gnomes who had never heard a troll laugh before. His laugh sounded like a rock slide and Kezzem swore that the ground shook a little as he laughed.
-Relax, I'm only joking. Trolls don't really eat meat. We can but it doesn't fill us. Give me a few shovels of granite over an army of gnomes any day.
-Good one, said Kezzem through gritted teeth.
-You don't really mean that, I can tell but when you look back at it you will. So Laurus you brought some friends. Aren't you going to introduce me?
After Laurus had made the introductions Reefeo led them off to the club. It only took a minute for everyone to realise that the little legs of the gnomes wouldn't be able to keep up with the large strides of the troll.
-Right you lot can get on my shoulder, said Reefeo holding out his hand for the gnomes.
The gnomes jumped on and in a quick movement Reefeo had hoisted them onto his board shoulders, Kezzem and Bikrem on one side and Laurus on the other.
As they walked along Reefeo would point out places of interest or tell them tales involving the owners of various buildings and businesses.
-You certainly seem to know a lot about what everybody else is up to, Bikrem pointed out.
-Yeah well people are rather loose lipped around trolls. They think that just because our heads are made of rock that nothing goes in.
-Well I'll try not to make that mistake.
-That's a good gnome. Don't make any assumptions about any creature and you'll be ok. Ah now here we are.
Reefeo descended some stairs leading to the cellar of a building. He pulled open a heavy door and stepped into a dark room.

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2011-05-18T00:13:00.001+03:00

They stepped out into the night air. When they had been out earlier they had all found the temperature to be quite pleasant earlier in the day there was now a chill in the air. The spring nights hadn't quite heated up yet.
Laurus led the way while the other two gnomes followed her. As her knowledge of Flogginton was limited she had agreed to meet Reefeo back on the street where she had first heard his song. She had felt reasonably confident that she would be able to find her way back there but now that she was out in in the dark the streets looked different and she wasn't so sure of her heading. If it were not for the fact that she had company with her she might have back-tracked but she didn't want to give them the impression that she didn't know what she was doing. She kept following her instincts and was very relieved when she turned corner and almost waked into Reefeo.

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2011-05-16T23:16:00.001+03:00

-Yeah I guess if you want to it's no problem.
-Well if you are sure that we are not intruding. Bikrem you going to come along?
-Ah sure why not? It'll be good to do something new.
So it was that after dinner the three young gnomes set out into the night together. They had excused themselves from Applet after the meal in order to get ready, though none of them knew what was appropriate attire for a troll bar. Bikrem and Kezzem wore cleaner versions of what they had worn since they left wildbat. Typical gnomes outfit of trousers and a open necked shirt. They had both brought their good hats with them from home and wore them out. Kezzem wasn't going to bother with his but once he saw that Bikrem intended to wear his Kezzem decided that he didn't want to appear scruffy in comparison. As a matter of fact Kezzem wasn't going to bring his good hat at all. He had always hated wearing it as it meant being careful not to mess or lose it. It was only after the pleading of his mother, who was fearful of what the world would think of her if she sent her son out without a decent hat, that he threw the hat into his bag.
They went down to the bar where they saw Applet deep in conversation with someone. They were unable to tell what sort of a creature it was as he had his back turned to them but he looked too tall to be a gnome or even a dwarf. Whatever they were talking about seemed to be important so the two gnomes decided to leave them alone.
They set down at a table and were just about to order a drink when Laurus came downstairs. Like the boys she had struggled over the decision on what to wear. In the end she had chosen a simple dress of light colours and a shawl to keep her shoulders covered. Bikrem and Kezzems gaze followed her down the stairs as she came to greet them. Having seen her in nothing but travelling clothes for the past few days it was quite a shock for them to see her looking like a young gnomnette about to go for a harvest dance. Bikrem especially seemed quite disconcerted by it as he stumbled over his greeting when Laurus did reach their table.
-So shall we go? she asked, not seeming to notice Bikrems sputtering hello.

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2011-05-15T14:01:00.001+03:00

-Well what about trolls and goblins? Bikrem asked. They aren't exactly stylish, from the glimpses I saw today anyway, but they're still got a reputation for being nasty.
-Old stories from an old world, replied Applet. As you actually meet them you'll discover with trolls and goblins it's just like gnomes. You'll like some more than others.
-Maybe.
-I met two trolls today, Laurus interjected. One of them sacred the hat off me, he was everything you're told a troll is when you're growing up. Big, grey, harsh sounding, intimidating and nasty. The other one was completely different. In both manner and appearance. He was kinda reddish and he seemed to be warm and friendly. In fact he invited me out tonight to hear some troll music. I am suppose to meet him in about a hour.
-How did you meet these trolls? Applet asked with a slight tone of disbelief in his voice.
-Well I was just wandering around and i heard some singing which I followed to the source which turned out to be Reefeo.
-That would be the friendly troll?
-Yes. How did you know that?
-You said if was reddish which would make me think he was from further south and well it sounds like a southern name. Anyway you followed the music? Troll music normally sends me the other way but each to their own I guess. You planning to meet him this evening so?
-Well yes I was planning to. That's not a problem is it?
-So long as you can get up when I come knocking tomorrow you can do what you like.
-You going to ask us along or are you planning this as another solo trip like this afternoon? Kezzem asked somewhat sourly.

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2011-05-11T23:46:00.000+03:00

That evening over dinner, which was a wholesome blend of potatoes, fish and roast vegetables, the gnomes discussed the various activities they had taken part in earlier in the day.
Applet informed them that they would be arising early the next morning. He reckoned that it would be a slow days rabbit ride to Huballan, which was the centre of internet activity. He advised his companions to have an early night.
Laurus was just about to mention her plans for that evening but Kezzem cut across her to ask Applet about the clock he and Bikrem had seen earlier on in the day.
-Ah you mean the one that looks like the numbers are changing as you look at them. It's a clock for all of us. It's suppose to remind us that even though we see things differently we're all on the same journey or something like that. It goes back to the mystical wars. You've all heard about those I assume?
The other three gnomes nodded. Even in a insular place like wildbat the mystical wars were well known. They had been a series of massive wars between the various mystical creatures. They had taken place thousands of years ago and lasted the best part of a century. That time had been characterised by chaos and shifting alliances. Mystical creatures had almost wiped themselves out. Some argued that they had been so busy fighting each other they had been blind to the rise of man, thus causing their existence on the edges of human reality.
-Well the clock was built by the fairies. They wanted to create something which would bind us all together. Remind us of what we had in common. They first tried to create a piece of art but due to all our different tastes they couldn't come up with something that appealed to all the various breeds. The story goes that one fairy came up with the idea that the one thing we all share is time. We might look at in different ways but in the end it affects us all the same. So they built the clock. They must have used a lot of magic in it for it to still be working the way it is. It tells the time in all the different scripts of the different mystical creatures, that's why it seems to change as you look at it.
-So why did they build it in Flogginton? I know it seems big to us but it's not the most important town around.
-It use to be the chief town around. The peace treaty was signed here.
-Why did the fairies take it upon themselves to make this grand gesture? Bikrem asked. I had heard they were the most power hungry of all the races during the war.
-Ah that's just old prejudices coming out. Fairies always get a hard time because they have glamour. Every race was guilty as every other one in that whole nasty affair.

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?

2011-05-11T20:07:00.001+03:00

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2011-05-09T22:04:00.001+03:00

The two gnomes stopped and took in their surroundings. Prior to this they had considered the square back home to be the pinnacle of social space but they were now being forced to reappraise that opinion.
This square was twice the area of the square back home. The buildings on either side made the town hall and commerce buildings in wildbat look like squalid hovels.
While the two gnomes found themselves in more space than when they had been squashed on the streets the square was a hive of activity. They were many creatures wandering round trying to sell various food stuffs from carts or bags carried over their shoulders. Bikrem caught a glimpse of some of the stuff being sold and decided he had no interest in sampling that particular delicacy. It had been purchased by what Bikrem could only guess was a goblin. To Bikrem it appeared to be a dripping mass of flesh served up on a stick.
He turned to point it out to Kezzem but Kezzem had his eyes turned upwards. Bikrem followed his gaze until his eyes fell upon what must have captured Kezzems attention.
One of the buildings in the square, Bikrem presumed that it was the town hall, had the most spectacular clock either of them had ever seen. The hands glimmered and gleamed on the side of the building. Their sparkle contrasting with the plain stonework of the building itself. The numbers of the clock seemed to change as they looked at them. Shifting from the figures they had been thought when they were growing up to unrecognizable scrawls and back again.
-Wow, that's amazing. Any idea how it does that.
-None whatsoever but it's one of the first things I'll be asking Applet when we see him later.
-Do you think he'll give you a proper answer?
-What do you mean?
-Just that sometimes I get the feeling he's not telling us everything. He tends to realise his information selectively.
-I hadn't noticed. I felt I was getting all the information I needed.
-Ah maybe it's just me then. Sure we'll see what he can tell us about this clock later on.

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2011-04-23T02:35:00.001+03:00

They had gone the opposite way from Laurus when they exited their boarding house. They had disbursed their direction briefly after stepping out into the open air before agreeing that there was no point in going back over old ground.
After wandering down windy side streets for sometime they stu mbled onto a main thoroughfare and were suddenly thrust back into the throng that had engulfed them when they first entered Flogginton. However this time Applet was not there to guide them so they found themselves being bumped around by the crowd as they went about their business. They fought their way into the flow of the crowd and continued up the street. Kezzem began to recount a tale one of his uncles had told him of seeing pink fish swim upstream. Due to the buzz of activity that surrounded them as they made their way up the street Bikrem was only able to catch parts of the tale. What he did gather from it was that Kezzems uncle had watched this expedition marvelling at how powerful the collective will seemed. All the fish seemed to swimming the same way because all the other fish were going that way. Kezzem seemed to be comparing their situation with that of the fish his uncle had seen. Bikrem couldn't be sure that's what Kezzem had being saying but the image of the two of them surrounded by pink fish. He chucked as this image flashed before his eyes which seemed to cause Kezzem to slap him on the back. Bikrem was about to hit Kezzem back when he realised that there he was in space. Looking up he realised that the road they had been following had opened into a grand square.

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2011-04-20T00:35:00.001+03:00

When Kezzem and Bikrem came back from their afternoon excursion they two found Applet sitting down with a drink in front of him. Unlike Laurus they made no effort to sneak upstairs instead heading over to him.
They were feeling good after their time wandering around Flogginton, especially as they had managed to find their way home without getting too diverted. They set down on the bench on the opposite side of the table from Applet who didn't seem to notice them. Much like when Laurus had come in he seemed to be lost in the space in front of him.
-Erm, how'd it go with the rabbits?
-What? Applet seemed to notice the two gnomes in front of him for the first time.
-Oh it's all taken care of. There will be four rabbits waiting for us tomorrow and someone to give you a crash course in riding.
-I hope there won't be too much crashing involved, Kezzem butt in causing Bikrem to chuckle.

Bikrem had found his attitude to Kezzem changing as the afternoon had gone on. Originally he had agreed to go along with him as he had hoped their group would include Laurus, then when she was not there he felt he couldn't back out without getting some awkward questions thrown his way.
So he had set out with Kezzem not expecting much from the afternoon and found himself pleasantly surprised at the ease with which they had gotten along. It helped that he found Kezzems comments amusing and there was plenty of things for him to comment on.

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2011-04-18T22:57:00.001+03:00

Laurus provisionally agreed to meet Reefeo but as she wasn't sure what Applet had in store for them she told him not to wait for too long after the allotted meeting time.
She hurried back to the boarding house where she found Applet sitting at a table with drink in front of him staring into space. He didn't seem to notice Laurus when she came in so she made to slip upstairs without him noticing.
If asked to explain herself she would have been unable to say why she didn't want to talk to him at that moment. She just felt that she didn't want to share her experience from the afternoon. She certainly didn't want to discuss her plans for the evening yet. She wanted to hear first what, if anything, Applet had planned for them that evening. She was hoping the two lads would be have some plans of there own so she wouldn't be the only one to object. Then there was also the fact that she wasn't sure how the others would react when they found out she planned to go to a troll bar. She knew that she had gone on this trip to branch out on her own but since they were all out together she felt a certain loyalty to the other two and as a result didn't want to be doing anything that could cause any tension. Ever since the incident with the bird she had developed a sense that they were in this together in more ways than just sharing a job. Maybe they'd want to come. She wasn't sure if it was an open invite. She wasn't sure of anything about the evening. She got a good vibe from Reefeo when she was talking to him but it was hard to dismiss years of gnome stories warning about the evil of trolls. Maybe it was a trick but then again trolls weren't know for the plots in the stories. They were more like hired soldiers.

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XXIII

2011-04-07T00:25:00.003+03:00

The red troll brushed the grey one, Pullem, aside and approached Laurus.
-Don't mind him. He's a northern troll, they're always trying to prove how mean they are. I'm Reefeo. So you're a gnomnette? I've met a few gnomes before but never a female. You're not what i would have expected. No beard for a start. Did you know female dwarfs have beards? It's very strange.
Laurus listened to Reefeo speak. His voice had a soothing quality to it. Pullems voice had been harsh and sent a shiver up her spine. By contrast Reefeos voice seemed dry and warm. Listening to it Laurus felt like she was enjoying a warm sunny day. Reefeo was still holding forth on dwarfs when he abruptly changed subject.
-So what are you doing back here? There's nothing worth seeing back here.
-Erm I followed your singing. I'd never heard anything like it before and I wanted to see where it was coming from.
-Ah that's just troll music. Most of you meaties say it's music for rocks.
-Meaties?
-Sorry, its a bad term. Didn't mean to cause offense.
-No I don't know what it means.
-Really? Well it's just what us trolls call non-rock based creatures. It upsets some of them but then they call us things which are non too nice. Especially fairies. Nasty creatures fairies once you get past their light and sparkle. Ever wonder why you never see them doing any work? Well the internet but that's a new thing. How come you don't know what a meaty is?
-I just left my home yesterday. There's probably lots I don't know.
-Ah I see. Well don't worry about that. There's lots everybody doesn't know. Pullem isn't there lots you don't know.
Pullem had by now gone back to shifting the metal. Looked up and said:
-There is. Most of it I don't want to know but i do know that if we don't get this cart unloaded our boss will make necklaces out of teeth.
-He has a point there. Nice to meet you.
As Laurus was walking out Reffeo shouted after her.
-Hey if you like troll music, there's a show on in The Big Pebble tonight. I'll take you along if you like.
-Sounds good.
-Great. I'll meet you in the town hall square this evening then.

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XXII

2011-04-05T22:51:00.002+03:00

Laurus followed the sound, trying hard to single it out from the other sounds around her. She had never heard anything like it before. It made her skin tingle. She came to a narrow gap between two stalls from which the singing seemed to be funnelling out. She darted into the gap which took into a narrow passage which she followed into a yard and the source of the singing.
In the yard were two trolls who were unloading a cart full of scrap. Unlike the trolls at the city gate, who had been wearing uniforms, these trolls were wearing a ragged pair of shorts and a dirty vest. The two trolls were off similar height and build but while one was a dull gray colour the other was had a reddish hue to him. The singing was coming from the red troll. Now that Laurus was in from the street and cut off from the competing noises she was able to make out what the troll was singing about. He sung as he unloaded the cart and plied the scrap in a corner of the yard. It wasn't the most uplifting songs. It spoke of lost love and distance of home yet despite its melancholy theme it made Laurus want to swing her hips.
-What have we here? the gray troll asked spotting Laurus.
He dropped his load and slouched his way over to Laurus.
-Looks like a dwarf but not quite, he smiled his teeth gleaming and sparking. He was standing over Laurus his massive frame blocking out the light.
-Whatever it is, it's a long way from home.
Now Laurus had been trying not to betray her nerves as the troll approached her but there was something sinister in his voice which made her take a step back and say nervously.
-I'm a gnome.
-A gnome eh? Never had one of those before.
-Leave it out Pullem. It's no wonder us trolls have such a bad reputation when pebble-heads like you go around frightening every new creature you meet.

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Gnomes XI

2011-04-04T00:26:00.002+03:00

Laurus had slipped out without the others as she wanted the chance to explore Flogginton herself. She had been intoxicated by the noise of the place when she walked through the city gate. As they had followed Applet through to their boarding house earlier on she had taken in all the activity that occurred around them with a sense of wonder. Then when she heard the mockery in Kezzems voice as he described the appearance of the goblins he had seen and Bikrems grumbling about the size of the crowd around them she realised that she wanted to discover this place by herself, without other gnomes opinions influencing her experience. Which is why she hadn't even let the door close behind her before she was back out it and on the streets.
Half an hour had past since she hurried out onto the street. She had decided to go back the way they had come from for two reasons. Firstly it seemed that if she was to continue on the main street they had turned off that she would have a better chance of finding something of interest. Secondly she felt it would be easier to find her way back to the boarding house if she kept to the same route rather than setting out on a unfamiliar path.
She took her time as she walked along the streets, making sure to be around of her surroundings. She had passed back from the less crowed side streets which seemed to contain various restaurants and taverns onto the busier market area they had come from earlier. She wandered among the stalls gazing at their wares. She saw several beautiful fabrics which she knew she could turn into something for herself. She had her eyes caught by several jewellery stalls. She imagined herself decked out in all the finery on display. The colours and styles she was seeing would have been considered quite ungnome like. Then when got bored with these stalls she wandered on some more, till she turned a corner and was greeted by the sounds of hammering. She found herself in an area seemingly dedicated to metalworks. She passed stalls offering all sorts of tools or locks, each with their own workshops out the back. There seemed to be more trolls around and in addition to the sound of hammering there were lesser sounds of shouting and perhaps singing. It was not like any singing she had heard before. When a gnome would sing the melody would reflect the peace of a garden or the beauty of a fishing hole at sunset. This was something far together more rough. It almost seemed to scratch at the air itself. Yet there was no denying that there was a rhythm to it and it dragged up something inside Laurus that she hadn't associated with music before. Beguiled she followed the music to what she hoped was its source.

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Gnomes XX

2011-03-29T23:11:00.002+03:00

Applet led the way into the tavern, he directed his three companions to a table while he went up to the bar where the landlady was polishing glasses. After a few minutes of haggling he came back with three sets of keys.
-There's three rooms. Bikrem and Kezzem you two can share. Laurus here's your key. Now the landlady will show us to our rooms. I need to sort out the rabbits and one or two other things. I'm sure you'll want to have a little look around so by all means go out and do that, just try and be back before the kitchen closes here. Dinner is included in the price and I'd hate to have wasted the price.
They were shown to their rooms which were clean and basic. In the boys room Kezzem flopped down on the bed while Bikrem unpacked some of the clothes from his bag and placed them in the closest.
-I don't see why your doing that, we're only here for the night.
-It just makes me feel like I've completed a part of this journey. Also it helps me keep track of what I've got with me.
-Ah but if you don't unpack you don't need to keep track.
-Hmmm. Maybe.
-Well I suppose its not for me to tell you how to manage you stuff, said Kezzem as he sensed a bit of irritation on Bikrems part decided to change the subject. Do you want to go out and take a look around? I think I could get lost very easily here but you seem like a gnome who doesn't lose his bearings easily.
-I'm not use to somewhere like this. It all seemed so hectic out there. I don't know how Applet managed it. He never seemed to have to break his stride. But yeah I'll go look around with you. Will we bring Laurus?
-Yeah. I'll go get her.
Kezzem went to Laurus's door but there was no answer. After enquiring with the landlady he was informed that she had slipped out a few minutes before.
-Sick of us already, he said to Bikrem as they left the tavern.

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Gnomes XVIIII

2011-03-28T00:02:00.002+03:00

Applet began to make his way through the crowd. He effortlessly weaved the thronging masses. For the second afternoon in succession the other three gnomes had trouble keeping up him. Today the problem wasn't the pace he was keeping but the obstacles that popped up in the places that Applet walked in just as the other gnomes tried to follow in his path. Applet seemed to be able an area of space in the crowd just before it would open up and adjust his route accordingly. The other gnomes felt suffocated by the crowd of people all going hither and thither about their business. They kept bumping into people and having to make their apologies.
Gradually Applet took them away from the busier streets and they found it easier to follow him.
-Wow it's so busy, began Kezzem, And all the different creatures. Did you see those two goblins? They were heading down some steps back there. Such strange looking things, so tall and skinny and sharp looking.
- No I missed them, i was too busy trying not to walk into people.
-Well I'm sure we'll we others. Can't believe that we're out of wildbat a day and a half and I've doubled the number of creatures I've seen.
-We're here, said Applet as he came to a stop outside a plain looking building and opened the door to a quiet tavern.

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The Band theory of European Qualifers

2011-03-26T00:06:00.001+02:00

The euro 2012 Qualifers are upon us again and while some may view this as a frustrating interruption on the national league i look on it as an opportunity to appraise the basic power structure of the national teams in Europe and develop a method for determining which games have the most chance of offering up a competitive game.

I believe European national teams to be divided into four bands of quality. I'll briefly go through the different bands.

Band 1
Teams of the highest quality like Spain, Germany and the Netherlands. Say what you like about the current dutch brand of football they went through world cup qualifers unbeaten and have maintained that ruthlessness into the current campaign and a record like that must put them into the top bracket of European teams.

Band 2
This is the band i find hardest to define. It's made of teams who on their day can blow away the best of the rest. It's a band made up of rising powers, declining forces, regrouping troops and teams who never quite seem to make it on the big stage. You can apply those labels as you feel appropriate to the following teams: France, Italy, Russia, England, Portugal.

Band 3
This is the most crowded of all the bands. It's all countries who in the absence of a soft draw view second place and a play-off as the goal of a qualifying campaign. Teams stanzas Ireland, Czech, Slovenia, Sweden, Greece the list could go on and on. All teams who can beat each other and have enough know how to cause the team in the bands above them problems.

Band 4
These teams always annoyed me. Never good enough to compete for the qualification spots but never so bad as you can view them as an easy three points. To me, as an Irishman, band 4 is FYR Macedonia.

Band 5
This is the cannonfooder band. You know the teams. The ones ex-Ireland managers end up taking to new heights.

So how to decide which games to watch in these days of unlimited choice of sporting viewing? Well I've a few simple guidelines below.

Games between teams in the same band such provide competitive match ups. The higher the band the higher the skill of the teams involved. So the best games will involve those between teams in band 1. Generally these games are only seen at the business end of major championships. So the task for football followers is to decide which game to give their time to in crowded weekend schedule.

A number of logical steps are required to pick the most interesting games to watch. Look for games between teams within one band of each other. Obviously a game between a band 1 and a band 2 team would be best. Failing this home advantage can be considered as giving a team a boost up a band so a game with a band 3 team hosting a band 1 team could develop into an intriguing match, especially if the home team must win to maintain their qualification hopes.

So if trying to find a game to watch this weekend, or in future international weekends, heed these observations, pick your game and hope the football gods reign their blessings upon it.

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Gnomes XVIII

2011-03-22T23:59:00.002+02:00

As it turned out the gnomes didn't need to fear the trolls. They may have been a bit gruff but they allowed the gnomes to pass through without doing anything trollism such as eating the gnomes, which had been Kezzems main fear. There was just a brief chat with Applet the trolls waved them through.
The gnomes stepped into Flogginton and were immediately taken aback by the noise which engulfed them once the entered the gates. What had seemed like a distant buzz from the outside had transformed into a cacophony of competing sounds. The shouts of traders at stalks near the entrance gates competed with people offering room and board to those newly arrived travellers. Added to this were the sounds of people going about their business and children as they ran around enjoying themselves.
-We'll go to a place i know to sort out rooms. Follow me closely, don't get distracted.

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Gnomes XVII

2011-03-22T00:20:00.002+02:00

To the young gnomes the scale of Flogginton seemed comparable to the house of the humans near wildbat. Like the walls of Flogginton it had seemed to stretch forever. The difference between the two was that they had never dared to approach the human house. As they approached Flogginton the walls loomed before them, casting shadows which blocked out the evening sun.
The road was quite busy now as a each group that wanted to enter the town had to pass by two burly looking creatures that none of the young gnomes had seen before but without having to ask Applet that they were a pair of trolls. Trolls had a particularly bad name amongst gnomes. Like goblins they would have been seen as dark creatures so the three young gnomes felt some trepidation to discover that their first encounter with an outside authority would involve trolls.

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Gnomes XVI

2011-03-20T18:48:00.002+02:00

The night passed uneventfuly and after a quick breakfast of fried fish they were on the road again. The terrain on this leg of the journey was more suited to gnome travel. There wag a thick coverage for them to take shelter under and the path ahead of them was clear of obstacles.
-You can tell we're starting to get close to towns, the paths are getting clear again. You really are quite isolated up in wildbat. As I'm sure you're already aware.
They all found the going a lot easier than the previous day. Maybe it was the fact that they knew that by the end of the day they'd be in Flogginton but the young gnomes felt full and energy and were all making excellent time.
They took a brief stop for lunch at around noon and then after an hour or so more of walking their path converged with another road at a sign pointing towards Flogginton.
-Another hour or so I reckon, Applet stated.
As they walked on the began to meet traffic on the roads. They were met by hamster-drawn carts of traders coming the other way. The traders were similar to the traders who would come to wildbat, well fed jolly looking dwarfs or serious looking elves. They started to catch up with other foot travellers. Families of dwarfs laden down with luggage making a slow progression to Flogginton would be overtaken by the eager young gnomes. The young dwarfs in these family's had never seen gnomes before and could be heard laughing and saying to their mothers;
-Look at those skinny dwarfs, don't they know how to make dwarf bread?
-What's dwarf bread? Laurus asked Applet when she heard the dwarf children laughing at them.
-Oh it's a staple of the dwarf diet. It's a thick bread with cooked meat baked into it. It's very good, if a tad heavy.
-How come none of the traders who came to wildbat never tried to sell us any?
-They wouldn't really see it as trade item. It's just food and gnomes have their own food.
As they continued on their way they were passed by an elf on rabbit-back. They watched as the rabbit hopped away from them off into the distance and they remembered that they would each be expected to ride one the next day. Seeing it now it didn't seem to as straight forward as Applet had made it out to be. Each one of them could imagine being thrown out of the saddle on the very first hop. They couldn't imagine how the elf had managed to seem majestic and in complete control when he had passed them out. They walked on and were soon in sight of Flogginton. They had never seen anything like it before. There a number of buildings which were far bigger than anything in wildbat. The walls of the town stretched before them as far as the eye could see. There was also a lot more people around. They were no longer able to proceed at their own pace but had to keep pace with t.e rest of the foot traffic.

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Gnomes XV

2011-03-10T22:54:00.002+02:00

-We won't have to sleep rough again after tonight. By tomorrow evening we should be reach Flogginton where we'll have a roof over our heads and a pillow beneath them.
The other gnomes had all heard of Flogginton before. It was the nearest settlement to wildbat drive. Once a year traders would come back from there with various types of goods that the gnomes weren't able to produce for themselves. There had never been any gnomes among the traders. They had mainly consisted of dwarfs or elves. It was always a big occasion when they came to town. They would stay for a night or two depending on how business was going. They tended to keep to themselves though. Making camp on the outskirts of the collective.
-So what's Flogginton like? Kezzem asked. Are there many gnomes there?
-You may find it a bit of a change of pace from what you're use to. There are a few gnomes there. You'll normally find a few gnomes in most of the towns but rarely enough to make a crowd. It's a good place for you to gain an idea of life outside of the gnome collective. It's not as hectic as some of the places you'll visit but it's got a bit of bustle to it.
-How long will we be there for?
-Probably just the night. I hope to get some rabbits to ride for the rest of our journey.
This change of transport came as shock to the other three and Applet must have seen this in there faces for he rushed to reassure them.
-Don't worry they'll be fully broken and I'll show you how to ride them. It's quite easy, you'll be surprised.
The other three gnomes took all independently decided to take this new information in their stride. After the earlier bird attack riding rabbits didn't seem so daunting. They passed the rest of the evening away telling stories, something which Kezzem was a master of, and singing songs, at which Laurus excelled. When it came time for sleep Applet informed them that watch would have to be kept in shifts. He took the first one while the others slept.

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Gnomes XIV

2011-03-10T16:18:00.002+02:00

Applet didn't give the young gnomes much chance to reflect on their journey. There was a good deal of a work to be done before they could relax for the night. They had too build a shelter, get a fire going and prepare some food. As they were all too tired to go foraging for food they made do with the leftover they had from lunch earlier.
Applet was still looking a bit drained from earlier on but as he ate he seemed to recover his energy and began to recount tails from his travels for the amusement of his followers. He sensed a change in mood amongst them following the bird attack.

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Gnomes XIII

2011-03-09T16:10:00.002+02:00

They were soon clear of the meadow and the dangers that exposure brought them. Applet led them into a particularly thick piece of shrub and continued heading south for another hour or so.
By this stage the light was beginning to fade. When they came to a flat well covered piece of ground Applet called the group to a halt.
-I think this we've all had enough for the day. We'll make camp here.
The others took off their bags with relief and collapsed onto the ground in various states of exhaustion.
There hadn't been much talk since Applet had explained what had happened to the bird that had attacked them. They could all sense that he was a bit touchy on the subject and none of them wanted to push him anymore over it.
Another reason for the silence was that the attack brought home to them the dangers they would be facing now that they had left home. Each of the three young gnomes was trying to come to terms with their new reality in their own way.

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Gnomes XII

2011-03-07T22:35:00.002+02:00

Applet landed on the ground with a thud. The other three gnomes ran up to him and were about to help him. He held up his hand up to stop them. He slowly hauled himself to his feet.
-Can I have that stick there Laurus?
-Of course, Laurus replied handing over her stick which Applet took off her and leaned against.
There was a slight graze on his cheek and he looked a little bit paler than he had when he was urging them forward across the meadow a few minutes before hand.
-We should move. There may be more where that bird came from.
-Are you sure you're ok to move on? You don't look the best.
-I'll look a lot worse if I end up in ucd belly of some beast. We move.
This last statement was said with such finality that none of the other gnomes dared arguing with him. They set off across the meadow once more but they proceeded at a much slower pace.
- So are you going to tell us what just happened? Bikrem asked.
-A bird attacked us. I got rid of the bird.
-Well yes we knew that but I was looking for a bit more detail on how exactly you got rid of the bird.
-What do you think happened?
-I think you took it into the ether. Did you leave it there? What happens to it there?
-Ah I knew you were a clever gnome Bikrem, that's why I brought you along. Yes I left it in the ether and as for what happens to it there; it goes to nothing. Non mystical creatures can't handle the shift in reality that entering the ether involves and so they just cease to be.
-Is that a bit drastic? Kezzem asked. Could you not just have sacred it away some how?
-That bird wasn't getting frightened by your best efforts. In fact we just seemed to be making it mad. It was one of us or it.
-Yeah but ceasing to be...
-Is exactly what would happen to you if it had gotten a good hold on you and your end would have been a lot more drawn out and painful than that birds was. It's a tough world out here and you better get use to having to make the occasional tough decision.

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Gnomes XI

2011-03-04T16:17:00.002+02:00

They reached the bottom of the hill and Applet seemed to step up the pace once they were on the flat. He would scuttle along for a few steps, realise that he was losing a gap was opening up between him and his trailing posse. He would stop, look up at the sky wearily while he waited for them to catch up with him. Once they never within a distance that he judged to be close enough he would scamper off again.
Gradually the time it took for Applet to open up a gap which worried him became less while at the same time it took the others longer and longer to catch up with him.
-We need to be keeping a good pace up. The longer we stay out here the more dangerous it gets.
-Applet they're doing the best they can, Bikrem replied. We've been on the go all morning and we're just not as use to being on the move as you are. How about a quick break? You and I can keep watch while the other two catch their breath.
Applet looked long and hard at the three gnomes he was traveling with before saying.
-Five minutes. No more. Bikrem lets the two of us keep watch so.
Kezzem and Laurus set down on the ground and sucked in as much air as they could. Both there faces were burning and Kezzems bread was glistening with sweat. Bikrem and Applet wandered around them in a circle watching the horizon and scanning the sky for any predators that might be out there.
-Hey Bikrem, how come your not as wrecked as we are by all this treking? Kezzem asked.
-Oh well I go for long walks quite a lot. Sometimes I'd even go as far as the big man house near the collective. Sometimes I'd take the walks slow sometimes I'd take them at about the speed Applet has been doing today so I guess I'm just more use to it than you two.
-It would seem so, Applet interjected. Now that's your five minutes. Time to go.
Applet turned around and made as to continue the journey. The others picked themselves up and were about to follow him when a scream from Laurus broke the silence of the meadow.
The other three swung round to see a giant white bird had swooped down and was trying to snatch Laurus up. Laurus was bravely trying to fight it off with her stick but having been taken by surprise she was unable to get a clean swing at the bird. As she tried to steady herself for another swing a flap of the birds wing knocked the stick from here hand. Kezzem was nearest to Laurus and he rushed across and took a swing at the bird cracking it across the head. The bird turned it's attention to Kezzem. He had not been expecting this much resistance from his lunch and was seriously aggrieved to find he wouldn't be getting a swift pick up. He rose into the air a bit and dived for Kezzem who was forced to jump out of the way. The bird turned in the air and was about to make a pass at Kezzem who was slowly making his way back to his feet. As the bird made his descent Applet dived on it's back. The bird squaked loudly and begin to increase its altitude with Applet on its back. Then they disappeared with a pop.
The other three gnomes looked at each other for speechless for a minute. There was another pop and Applet came crashing to the ground.

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Gnomes X

2011-03-02T16:19:00.002+02:00

So the four gnomes headed off down the hill. Applet led the way with Bikrem bringing up the rear. Applet set a brisk pace for them as promised. Every once in a while he was forced to slow down to allow the rest of the group an opportunity to catch up with him. Bikrem felt that he could manage the pace that was being set but was worried about the other two in the group. He used his position at the back of the group to spur them on and provide encouragement if it looked like they were beginning to flag.

They were down the hill and on the flat now. Laurus was glad the way had levelled out. There were a couple of occasions on the descent where she thought she was going to find herself going head over heels and end up rolling down the hill.

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Gnomes IX

2011-02-27T20:19:00.000+02:00

After a enjoyable lunch they all helped out with the cleaning. Kezzem and Applet cleaned the pots and pans in the stream. Bikrem and Laurus repacked the bags. Bikrem had packed some dried fish and bread with him for the trip. It was decided that they would keep the dried foods for as long as possible. Applet informed them that they had a long journey ahead of them and they would not always be gaurenteed a nice fishing spot for every meal. They had caught more fish than the four of them could eat in one go and so wrapped the rest of them in some leaves and placed them in the bag. Finally they cleaned up the area around the fire they had built. Taking care to leave the in as close a state to it was when they had found it.
Once everything had been tidied up they moved out. The post lunch walk begin very much like the early morning as they continued on in an uneventful slightly uphill procession for an hour or so. Eventually Applet came to a halt. The other three drew level with him and stopped when they saw what was ahead of them. The gradual hill they had been going up since lunch now entered a steep decline followed by a large stretch of open fields for them to cross.
-It's very exposed, commented Laurus with a bit of a tremor in her voice.
-Unfortunately it is. It's also the only way for us to go. I got across it to get here. I expect to get back across it.
-Glad you're confident. The one thing we've been told since we were little ones was to avoid wide open spaces. There's far too many creatures which can pick us off.
-Which is good sound advice but as your going to learn the longer you're away from home is that sometimes the good sound advice can't be followed. This is one of those times.
-Well I assume you have a plan, Bikrem butt in as he noticed Laurus still don't look convinced that this was a good idea. He was hoping a solid plan would soothe her nerves. He wasn't too sure about covering that much open ground himself, he estimated it to be about a hour and a half across, but he wasn't going to turn back now. He would however like to hear that there was plan in place to reduce the risk of the crossing.
-Go as fast as we can and hope for the best.
-Really? That was what I was thinking, Kezzem laughed, I was expecting something a bit more detailed from you.
-Erm so was I, the other two chimmed in simultaneously.
-Sorry to disappoint you but there's nothing more I can do than that. I've some stick for ye to use in case of attack if it gives you some reassurance.
-Sticks?
-Good thick Goblin sticks Laurus. Hit something with it and it won't come near you again.

Gnomes VIII

2011-02-11T16:16:00.003+02:00

Applet and Bikrem wandered upstream looking for a good spot for landing fish. Gnomes have a good nose when it comes to picking a good fishing spot. It's something which has evolved in them overtime.
After roughly five minutes of walking they stopped, looked at each other and formed an unspoken agreement that this was the best spot this particular stream had to offer. They unpacked their gear and cast out their lines. They fished in silence, waiting for something to bite.

While this was going on Laurus was attempting to organise lunch while Kezzem tried to help. Laurus had to admit to herself that having Kezzem as a helper was quite the disaster she had thought it was going to be. He followed instruction and was pleasent company to have around while they set up for some lunch. Applet had a small pan and a small pot in his luggage. Both had been tied to the straps on the outside of his backpack. He had a small bottle of oil in one of the pouches. Kezzem was able to provide some bread and a few pieces of fruit. She had also brought along bread and some dried fish. They laid these out. Neither one of them wanted to go through Bikrems baggage so they decided to wait until he returned before seeing what he had brought to the party.

Kezzem busied himself by gathering up kindling and setting it up for a fire. His initial reaction upon hearing that he was going to be left behind with Laurus was off disgust. He could fish as well as the next gnome if his mind was focused on it. Though of course he understood the others reclutance to let another gnome touch their rod. He cursed himself for not bringing his own. In his excitment at the trip he forgot to think about the practualities of survival. If he got the opportunity on the trip he would certainly pick up a rod of his own. When he had realised that he wouldn't be going on the fishing trip he had supposed Laurus would be doing all the settting up as she had guessed. He didn't feel there was anything strange about this. That was the way the gnome world had brought him up. It was natural for him to expect the gnomettes to look after the preparations of the food. Having it made clear to him that not only would he be expected to help out but that Laurus was in charge of the operation was a wake up call. He realised that he was going to have to get out of the traditional gnome mindset and be ready for whatever the big bad world would throw at him. Flexibility, he decided, would be the key to surviving.

As they worked on getting everything ready for lunch. The two gnomes fell into conversation. There was a brief discussion about the mornings walk, this was the furthest away from the gnome collective that either of them had been. Once they had exhausted this avenue Kezzem asked the question both had been wanting to ask of each other since the morning.
-So how did your family react to the news that you'd be taking off?
-Not to good. My mother wept. My fathers face went as red as his gardening hat. He said I would bring shame and humilation on the family. He questioned what sort of a gnomette would want more than was on offer in the collective. Then he provided some answers to that question which I have to admit were none to flattering to have to listen too. If this whole internet thing doesn't work out I'm not too sure I'd be welcome back.
-That is terrible. It must have been hard to have to sit and listen to all that.
-Oh I put forth my arguements for leaving quite foricablly when their scale of their objections became clear. I knew they wouldn't be happy with my leaving but the venemance of their opposition was what surprised me. Well I'm gone now so there's no point dwelling on the matter. How did your folks react?
-Better than yours by the sound of things. My mother was quite upset obviously but they were both broadly supportive. I think they both kind of knew that I wasn't really cut out for anything that was on offer for me back in Wildbat. I'm seen as a bit of a clown there.
-That's not true.
-Ah you don't need to know that. I know I am. Hell I get the sense that Bikrem isn't to happy to have to share the trip with me. It probably makes him feel that he might be going on a fools errand. Anyway I don't care. I'd rather feel like a clown there than spend the rest of my life fishing or gardening and be considered a responsible gnome.
-Good for you. I've to admit that I was surprised to see Bikrem this morning. He always seemed so conventionally gnomey. You could see him being mayor or something like that.
-Yeah he doesn't seem like the travelling type but I guess he had his reasons.
-Don't we all. Care to tell me what yours were?
-Same as you. Not much on offer for me back there and the fact that I'm here now shows that may not be the case everywhere.
At this moment Applet and Bikrem returned with a healthy haul of fish. They had scaled and gutted the fish down by the stream and they were ready to be thrown on the fire which the other two had prepared.

Tenderness

2011-02-08T23:52:00.001+02:00

She sits still, silent and suspenseful

Waiting, wishing, worrying, wanting

Him here, helpful not hurtful

Like lately. Lethal litanies leap from lips, listing

Faults, failures and frustrations. Furiously

Harpooning her heart.

He slowly goes towards the meeting place

Stomach churning, preparing his face of greeting.

Never have his steps been so heavy before

Nor has his head been more weary

Knowing the path that lies ahead

As sure as a condemned man led to die.

Shocked, stunned, silenced,

By excuses, explanations. An explosion

Laying low her logic and love. Leaving

Her heart halved. Hoping for hasty

Retreat to reclusiveness and recovery

He came and spoke his half truth

It wasn’t beautiful but it hurt

He threw the blame upon himself

Though he’s not sure it will help one

Who seems so eager to leave

He feels she needs to grieve to grow.

She walks out with decorum

A testament to tenderness.

Gnomes VII

2011-02-08T23:02:00.002+02:00

The gnomes continued on in relative silence for some time. This was not solely due to the bleak speech Applet had given on war. Silence was the natural state for a gnome to travel in. Watchful silence would be a better description. Being small creatures they were seen as tasty meals by creatures such as foxes. Birds had been known to pluck gnomes off the ground and disappear with them. This vulnerability no doubt played a part in the traditional gnome aversion to travel.
The little group who were travelling out from wildbat drive progressed with little trouble. They travelled through scrub and undergrowth whenever possible. Applet had a blade which allowed him to cut a path whenever the plants got to thick for a gnome to get through.
After a few hours of walking they came to a stream.
-We'll stop here. Get some lunch. Bikrem I notice you've got your fishing rod strapped to the side of your bag. You and me will catch some fish here. Laurus can you and Kezzem start getting stuff ready for cooking. You'll find everything you need in my bags there. I thrust you all brought some food along with you. Lay it out and we'll see what's the best way to dish it out.
-Great, still responsible for meal preparation, sighed Laurus.
-Did you bring a fishing rod? Applet asked.
-No but I know how to fish, I could fish and one of you could do the prep work.
-I don't know about Bikrem but I don't like anyone else touching my rod.
-Oh no. It's just not done, Bikrem agreed.
-Sorry Laurus but you're stuck with the prep work a little longer. Kezzem doesn't seem to mind.
-That's because he thinks he'll just get to sit back while I do everything. Look at the way he's smiling there. He knows I'm on to him.
Kezzem was about to protest but Applet cut him off.
-Don't bother Kezzem. I know what it's like. You get use to the gnomnettes doing everything. It's just the way it is. You need to get out of that expectation. I'll help. Laurus you're in charge. Kezzem help Laurus get ready for lunch.

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I worry that I will love another album again

2011-02-06T04:14:00.001+02:00

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2011-02-05T02:47:00.002+02:00

There's too much self-pity
Hanging in the air.
The howling of a city
Looking for their share.

Though they won't carry the blame
It's a blood debt they seek.
We all played the game
Sowed that what has come to reek

A loss, a debt, a burden. And

There's anger to anger to share
But that's a foundation of sand.
Now there's a need to take care
Or we'll destroy what remains

From the golden age
We'll have no more to maintain
Than a debt
On bankers page.

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Gnomes VI

2011-02-03T16:24:00.002+02:00

The next day the three young gnomes assembled outside Applets home before the sun was up. There wasn't much talk between them beyond the usual greetings they exchanged. Each one of them was focusing on their own situation. Talking over the departing words they had shared with their families and wondering what lay ahead of them. They were just beginning to realise that there was a huge difference between dreaming about heading out from there home and actually taking the first steps out there.

Each gnome had taken on Applets advice to travel light. They had managed to whittle down there possessions to a back-packs load. They were now stood around in an awkward semi-circle waiting for Applet to emerge from his house. Kezzem made a few attempts to start conversation. First with Laurus who he of course he knew well enough. However as she was feeling pensive and tired she didn't have the appetite for his lighthearted frivolity. Kezzem then turned his attention towards Bikrem but Bikrem was a gnome of few words at the best of times. Now faced with a journey that would take him well out of his comfort zone he was in no mood to engage with a gnome who he had always considered to be somewhat of a clown.

After what seemed like an age Applet emerged from his house. He looked over the three gnomes in front of him.
-You're all here. Good we'll be on our way so.
With that he turned and walked headed out of the village.

The three gnomes followed Applet out of the village. It was still quiet as most gnomes wouldn't get up before the sun. Kezzem commented that it was like they were sneaking away.

-Well we sort of are, said Applet. There's no real reason for us to leave this early. I just didn't want a crowd watching us as we marched out. It'd make me feel like I was going of to war.
-Gnomes don't go to war. Bikrem pointed out.
-This is true but I've witnessed races who do set out for glory and it's always the same. A big crowd cheers off a big group of soldiers. Then a big crowd wonders why they're cheering the return of a smaller group of soldiers. It's an awful waste. Be thankful your from a race whose greatest conflict is with fish.

Applets tone for this little monologue was grimmer than when he had been selling the idea of the internet back in wildbat drive. Coupled with this his face had adopted a mask of sorrow as he spoke of people leaving for was. It had the effect of leaving all the others wondering what life outside wildbat drive would have in store for them.

gnomes V

2011-01-31T16:21:00.003+02:00

On the last day of Applets session Bikrem called in. He had spent the previous two days listening to other gnomes grumble about their meetings. A lot of gnomes felt that the meetings had been one sided. The most common compliant was that after an initial introduction Applet seemed to lose interest in the whole process and would leave them to attempt to fill in the gaps.

This didn't strike Bikrem as being an entirely bad thing. It had been leaked out that Applet would only be taking three gnomes with him. If this was the case then Bikrem felt that it was only fair that aspiring gnomes be made do the running in their meetings.

Now he was face to face with Applet he was wondering exactly how he was going to make an impression on him. He now understood what the other gnomes had been referring to when they said Applet had appeared disinterested. Bikrem didn't think it was that Applet didn't care what was going on in front of him. He just seemed to be disconnected from everything. Bikrem had a theory about this and so after he had heard all about the delivery of internet pieces as well as asking solid logistical questions about weight and transport methods he asked the one question he'd been wanting to ask for days.
-Is it true that every time you come out of the ether you leave a little bit of yourself in there?
-What? No, that's just a scare story.
-There's a branch of my family would dispute that. I've an uncle who is definetly what you would describe as not all there. Apparently he use to be quite a serious gnome. An upstanding member of the gnomunity. Then he got a little taste for going into the ether and bit by bit he just seemed to slip away. He lost interest in the fishing and then his hobbies. My cousins had to take up the slack and make sure that the family was being looked after. Now sometimes he's quite lucid but there are other times where you wonder whether is mind is in the same room as his body.
-Well I have heard of people being oever exposed to the ether and suffering those synthoms but we manage peoples entry to make sure that nobody goes inside too much.
-Em, sounds a bit risky....
-Well if you want the safe option stay here. Otherwise you're welcome to join me the morning after tomorrow. You seem a like you'll ask plenty of questions an keep me on my toes. I like that in gnome.
-That's great. I'll see you then.
-Pack light.

The next day the curtains were again drawn in Applets house and there was no movement from it all. The names of the three travellors had leaked out and were the talk of the town. The travellers themselves spent the day saying their goodbyes and in some cases trying to smooth things over with those who were upset to see them leaving.

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2011-01-30T02:38:00.003+02:00

I was thinking about my dreams,
Lately they're all the same.
I don't know what this means.
I hope I'm not going insane.

The faces i had forgot
The ones i always see
Return to me once more
Revealing an evolving plot.
Where they're leading me
I don't know for sure.

They warn me to be careful
To be aware of what surrounds
Me. It shifts and changes as I go
Their words are mournful
Intended to bring my spirt to ground
Causing my paranoia to grow
Every night has happened before
And every night will happen again.
A moment stretching to entirety
Where all that has been is no more
Everything to come part on a plan.
One cool-eyed in it's soberity.

I've stopped thinking about my dreams
It doesn't matter that they're all the same
To dwell on what this means
Is sure to make me go insane.

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Gnomes IV

2011-01-25T16:23:00.004+02:00

Kezzem decided to go to Applet the next day. He had gone by the afternoon after Laurus had made such an impression on Applet and found the queue to be too long, he was far too lazy stand in line with everybody else.

On his way back he noticed that there was a good bit of noise coming from the house of Laurus but he didn't give it much attention. Kezzem didn't give much things attention unless he felt they directly concerned him.

Now here he was on the second afternoon of Applets session. By now there was no queue. Most people who had wanted to see Applet had done so on the first day. Of all those gnomes who had been into see him only Laurus had impressed him enough to be sure of coming along.

Kezzem got the same opening speech that Laurus had been given. To Kezzem Applet seemed to be lacking in energy and generally not all that focussed on what he was saying. Though as Kezzem gave it some quick thought he decided that if he had been saying the same thing for a day and a half now he wouldn't have been that interested in it either.
For Kezzem the main priority was that he seemed interested in the job and that he didn't give his usual languid impression.
-So how exactly does this internet work?
-Well humans will tell you that's it's all down to the wires and masts that they put everywhere. It's not. It's us so-called mythical creatures. We transport all the bits of information they send. All the wires and stuff that the humans put down are good for giving direction but we could get by without them then.
-It might be harder for the humans to explain how it works then.
-Yes, bless them. They do like to be able to explain things away. Soon there will be no wonder in their life at all.
-You said us mythical creatures carry the information. Which other creatures work the internet?
-There's all sorts, elves, dwarfs, fairies, goblins.

-Goblins? I thought they were nasty creatures. Aggressive.
-And they think gnomes are a bunch of hobnailed boot wearing garden-tenders. I'll admit goblins might not be the most social of creatures but the ones working the internet are fine. And their good at going into the ether.
-Ah yes you mentioned going into the ether. I've heard that's a tripy experience. It must be hard to carry the internet bits in there. Maybe at first, we never send someone in by themselves first time, but you get use to it.
-What's it like?
-It's hard to explain. It's fuzzy and you feel like your head is wrapped in cotton wool.
-Interesting. I'd like to try that. I'd also like to get to know a goblin.
-An enthusiasm for new things. I like to see that in a gnome. You'll do i think. We'll leave in three mornings. Be here at sunrise. Bring what you can carry.
-That's fantastic. Thanks a lot. I'll see you then.

Kezzem left the house feeling better than he had felt in a long time. He couldn't believe that he would be going out away from wildbat place. He knew he'd better go and tell his parents about this. He was pretty sure he wouldn't meet much resistance to the idea. He had floated it in an abstract manner at breakfast the morning after the meeting in the town square. His father, a garden gnome given to the metaphors of his trade, had looked at him wistfully and said
-Every gnome needs to hoe his own row.
Before continuing on with his breakfast.

The Connected Man

2011-01-25T15:19:00.000+02:00

Someone must have an exit plan
These bills bring no relief
Ministers go but don't come, man
While jokers meet with thiefs

Outside on the ramparts,
There is no storm
Two messangers from the mainlands heart
Arrive to restore the norm.

But there are many among us
Who the terms will choke.
Now we've the chance to vote and cuss
And eject those who've blown smoke.

Still we'll be the ones
Lift carrying the can
Paying for all the fun
Had by the connected man.

Gmnoes III

2011-01-22T14:58:00.003+02:00

Applet opened the door and beckoned Laurus inside. If he had any surprise at seeing a gnomnette first in line outside his door he didn't show it.

After he had shown Laurus to her seat he asked.
-So you have some interest in seeing the world beyond wildbat place? Well I am glad to see that and I think that I can help you achieve that desire. First I must ask some questions to make sure that you're suitable for the trip. It would be horrible to have you decide after a few days away from the comforts of home that this traveling thing wasn't for you after all.
Of course, ask away but I think you might be over-rating the comforts of home.
-Oh that was something I never did myself but I've learned from experience that they are something each individual feels differently and they may not realise how they feel about them until they're gone. So why do you want to come and work the internet with me?
Laurus explained her reasons to Applet. How she'd no intention of spending her time cooking and cleaning. She spoke of how she knew that she could do more. She even told him of when she was younger she would go and hoe with her brothers and had shown she was as good as if not better than them, then suddenly at the tender age of 55 her mother took her aside and explained to her that it was not becoming for a young gnomnette to be seen out in the garden. That was the moment when she decided she needed an exit strategy.

She spoke quite passionately about it and when she had finished talking about and when she had finished talking she noticed that Applet was looking at her with great consideration.
-I think I've heard everything I need to hear. Do you have anything you want to ask me?
-Yeah, when do we leave?
Applet gave out small chuckle.
-There's no doubting your enthusiasm anyway. It'll be five or six days. I'll be in touch. It's good to have you aboard.
-Thank you so much.
Laurus beamed when she came out of the house. She was as getting away. She was going to have see beyond wildbat drive.Laurus left the house on a high after speaking to Applet. She was so delighted with the way things had gone it didn't occur to her that she would have to break the news of it to her family and she wasn't sure how she was going to that. She was pretty sure that it wouldn't go down to well at all.

Gnomes-II

2011-01-20T16:23:00.002+02:00

The next morning there was a long line of gnomes outside aapplets house. Bikrem had decided that he would wait until the line had died down before he went. He was even thinking of leaving it until the next day before he called as he was sure that there be information leaking out from those who had visited that day.

Kezzem had great plans to go there himself. He was going to get himself out of bed early and be first in line. He wasn't sure how many places there were for gnomes on this job but he wanted to be damn sure that he impressed with his eagerness. However when morning time came he was unable to shift himself from the bed so he wasn't first in line.

Laurus was however. She had actually been coming from a sneaky spy on applet when she had bumped into Kezzem the night before. She too was eager to get away from wildest drive. She hated listening to male gnomes complain about only have fishing or hoeing to look forward to for the rest of their life. At least they would have that to look forward to. All there was for a gnomnette to look forward to was housework and birthing. Laurus had no intention of spending the rest of her days engaged in those activities. She hated dusting, washing, sowing and anything like that. While she did enjoy playing with kids she was aware that this was only a small part of what having them involved and she didn't think she'd like the other aspects. So here she was first in line waiting for applet to open the door.

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Gnomes

2011-01-17T22:50:00.014+02:00

The gnomes of wildbat drive were an old fashion collective. They preferred to concentrate on old fashion gnome activities such as fishing or hoeing a good garden row. At a push when the weather was bad they might do a bit of shoe-making but they preferred to leave that sort of work to elves, gnomes being a more outdoor type of spices.

Some of the younger gnomes felt restricted by the elders focus on traditional gnoming activities. They felt that this focus on past left them with no opportunities to travel outside their collective. A young gnome of 75 had no desire to follow his father down to the fishing hole everyday. He wanted to be out in the world meeting exotic lady gnomes or if they were lucky a fairy. The only thing that kept a young gnome home was that there wasn't much wasn't much else for a gnome to do. No one was offering the opportunity for a gnome to learn a skill set outside the traditional gnoming areas and as every gnome collective had a surplus of gnomes proficient in these areas they didn't quicken the pluse of a young gnome.

Then one day a notice went up around the gnome collective. Opportunities for eager gnomes to travel and earn a living. Meeting tonight in gnome square.

That night gnome square was packed. It wasn't just the younger gnomes who were out, though your average older gnome had no interest in doing any traveling they did like a good diversion in the evening. There was a buzz of anticipation around the square as the meeting time approached.

A few minutes after 8 a gnome stepped onto the speakers platform which was at the top of the square. The platform was normally used for formal occasions or celebrations within the collective. The gnome cleared his throat and began to speak.

-hello, it's so good to see such a large turnout here tonight. Although i suspect some of you are here for amusement rather than employment opportunities but that's all right. My name is Applets.

A mummer of recognition around some of the older members of the crowd.

-I see that some of you remember me. Yes I am Baslet's son and as I'm sure you know i left here along time ago looking for something different to do with myself. Well I found something. It's allowed me to all over the world. See things and meet people I could never have imagined. Now i've come back here to wildbat drive so as to offer the young people here the opportunity to see what the world has to offer. So the question you must all be asking is what is this wonderful job I have to offer? Well it's a human thing. It's not something gnomes would have much experience with or even knowledge of. It's called the internet. Humans use it to communicate. They send everything over it. Music, books, letters, very detailed examples of their reproductive practices, they're a strange race when it comes to that by the way but that's for later. What you're wondering now is where to gnomes come into this? Well all this information that they send to each other is broken downand we carry the pieces. We carry them through streams and along cables. There's even places where we just enter the ether with these pieces and bring them strraight into the humans devices.

This last statement caused a bit of a stir. Entering the ether was something gnomes were well capable of but it was frowned upon by gnome society in general. It was thought that if done to much it detached a gnome from reality. That even time he went into the ether he left a little bit of himself in there. Faries were notourious for flitting in and out of the ether and you only had to look at the way they carried on to know that it wasn't a good practice.

-Anyway I'm sure that most of you have more questions for me. However I don't think this is the best forum for a detailed discussion. I will be staying with my mother for a few days, as I'm sure you know my father moved on recently and there are certain things I must do as the son. Tomorrow is set aside for these activites. The following day and for two days after I will be free to recieve visitors. If any wishes to apply to come with me or has questions about what exactly will be involved please call in over that time.

With that Applet left the stage and waked out of the square. The crowd was silent for a minue before conversation expoled. As some people swore blind they would be the first in line to apply for the job, others that no son of theirs would disgrace the family by going off with that shady Applet, he'd always being trouble after all while other gnomes decided that the matter would be worth investigating and resloved to throughly question Applet before making any decisions.

The following day the collective was still buzzing following the meeting. It was talked about in the fish shop and the hat shop. Nothing else was discussed as the fishing gnomes and the garden gnomes went about their business.

The workplace conversations mainly focused on the details of Applets first departure from wildbat drive. There were many different takes on the tale depending on who you asked. What could be agreed upon was that Applet had never fit in amongst the gnomes of his age. His head never seemed to be in with the fishing and he had no stamina for garden work. His father had tried to take him under his wing and allowed him to man the wheelbarrow while his father hoed the garden. Wheelbarrow duties were normally left for older gnomes but a lot of people respected Applets father and pitied him for having such an ungnome like son that an exception was made for him. However it didn't work out. Applet would forget where he was suppose to be going or else he would get bored with the route he taking and invent a new one. The only thing that was needed to a successful barrowgnome was reliability and applet just couldn't manage this.

Nobody is quite sure of who made the decision for Applet to leave, whether he was kicked out or if he stormed out. What was agreed that one day he was gone from wildbat drive and until last night he had been thought gone for good.

A few younger gnomes motivated by curiosity congregated around applets house that morning hoping to catch a glimpse of him. All morning the curtains remained drawn and there seemed to be no life there at all. Eventually most of the decided that they had better things to do and what off to do them. One gnome stayed behind and continued to watch the house.

That gnomes name was Bikrem. Most people in the gnome collective would have been suprised to find Bikrem having any interest in what Applet had to say. Bikrem was from a fine fishing family and most gnomes would have expected Bikrem to follow in the family trade. He was a serious and thoughtful gnome. He seemed ideally suited for the long hours of concentration that being a fishing gnome entailed. Most gnomes would have been of the opinion that he would have no time for Applet and his strange internet plan. Bikrem would be the first to admit that he was a serious gnome. He didn't think that this meant he was necessarly going to spend the rest of his life at the fishing hole. Though he did like the peace that could be found there. He had a thrist for knowledge and he was sure that there was more to the world than was to be found in Wildbat Drive so of course he was interested in finding out exactly what Applet had to offer. He was also a patient gnome which is why he was still outside the house when everybody else had abandonned their vigil. He believe that anything of importance took time and so he resolved to wait a little longer outside the house and see if anything developed. It wasn't as if there was anything else for him to be doing at the moment. He maintained his position for a couple of hours when he thought he saw the house shudder slightly.
Now I must be getting hungry, he though to himself. I'm beginning to see things. I think perhaps it's time I stopped watching and head home for lunch. The time for me to ask my questions will come soon enough.
With that Bikrem went on his way.

That evening another gnome took a chance to see if there was any activity in Applets place. He hadn't taken part in the morning vigil as he hadn't been able to rouse himself from his bed. Now there wouldn't have been many gnomes surprised to learn that this particular gnome had his head turned by Applets wild talk. He had a reputation of a dreamer. Unable to concentrate in class. Having no stomach for garden work and no attention when it came to fishing. He'd been known to sit and stare into space while fish would go wild on his line. Even now his lack of attention would prevent him from making it to Applets house. As he was walking along the road a pretty gnomette came his way.
-Hey there Laurus.
-Hi Kizzem, the gnomette replied, where are you going to?
-Oh no where in particular. You?
-I just to had to drop some stuff to my gran-gnomette for my mother. I'm on my way home now.
-Mind if I walk with you?
-Well if you've got nothing better to do I guess it's fine.
And so the two of them headed back in the direction Kizzem had come from. Kizzem had already forgotten about his reason for being out as he chatted about gnome life with Laurus. He never metioned Applet to her but if he had he may have been surprised to hear her replies.

morning air

2011-01-12T12:45:00.002+02:00

With Morhesus i snugly lay
Until my alarm suddenly interjects
With the babble of the day
I groan and go to snooze to reject
Realities rude return
But Morhesus has receded into the ether
Leaving me alone and forlorn
The cold morning air leaving last nights dreams seem sweeter
As they fade fast

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not a poet

2011-01-02T13:32:00.001+02:00

Not a poet
Maybe a wordsmith
No that's not it,
For mostly i sit
With words floating
In d air around
Without me ever seeming
Able 2 give then sound
Or 2 get my pen out,
Perhaps i'm a sloth

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Electric Picnic 2010

2010-09-12T13:01:00.011+03:00

Getting there and getting started

After days of stocking up and mentally preparing for the weekend it's time to hit the road. I've to make my way over to Fanjs place with all my stuff where we'll be picked up and whisked down to stradbally by LDH. Lucky for me there's a bus which takes me right outside his door so my luggage haulage was minimal. After loading up the car, a task akin to Tetris, we hit the road.

The ride down passed by uneventfully and we get a spot in carpark Z. Carpark Z, I think as I fall out of the car, we could be quite a walk from the campsite. I had to fall out of the car head first as it was so tightly packed I couldn't exit by conventional means. The two other lads decide they'll do the trip in two goes. Bring in the camping gear first and set up before returning for the booze. I being a lazy man at heart decide to do it all in one go. So looking like a turtle on it'd hind legs I set off with my gear, booze and chair. There were several times on the journey when I regretted my decsion, especially as the sun was beating down on top of us. Fanj was in charge of connectting us with the rest of our group, who had made it down a bit before us. He pulled this task off with a minimum of fuss and I was delighted to be able to drop my backs. After catching my breath, drinking a ton of water and rubbing my aching shoulders I began the task of setting up my tent. It was a new tent this year so I took a little time making sure I had everything I needed to set it up. My previous tent had been lent to my little brother for Oxegen and apparently tents don't come back from Oxegen these days. Anyway new tent or not the basics are still the same and I was quickly set up and ready to enjoy the campsite atmosphere.

A circle had been formed by those who had gotten down earlier and I edged my chair into it. I knew some people from previous picnics and reintroduced myself to them and began to acquaint myself with the people I didn't know. As I was sipping on my 2nd beer Fanj and Dave had to head back to the car for their booze. I wished them well and reflected on the benefit of my lazy mans load approach to making the inital journey. People came and went as the afternoon progressed. I was fuzzily aware that I had come down to more than sit in a field and drink for the afternoon but when the suns out and it's warm there's very little else to do. Eventually it started to cool as the evening went on and a general consensus emerged that it was time to move into the main area.

Friday night inside
We set out as a group and I pretty quickly remember why I hate travelling in groups as we break up, come back together and stop at various stages of the journey. Though I'm in no particular rush. Most people are heading in for the Waterboys. As I only know two of their songs I decided to go to Laura Marling which gave me an extra 20 minutes of travel time. We eventually made it to the entrance and the first thing I notice is a security gaurd sniffing someones bottle and shouting "aha vodka". Now this troubles me as I've a couple of bottles of vodka and apple juice on my person. I had always thought bottles got through uninspected and cans were fair game. As I'm walking through I do my best to slip in and around the security gaurds. To get into the arena is like running a guantelet of security checking your wrist bands and booze. Thankfully I make it through with my booze intact.

Our first few minutes inside are spent getting our bearings and trying to remember where everything is. Once this is done we head in the direction of the main stage. We're in a bit later than most people expected and Laura Marling is starting soon. So I leave the rest at the main stage and head towards the Crawdaddy stage. As I pass the main stage The Waterboys launch into "Fisherman Blues" and like salmon in spawning season the passing traffic swarms towards the stage. I stay for the the song, hoping they'd play "Whole of the Moon" straight after but they didn't so I headed to Crawdaddy. The tent is decently full when I walk in. I'm there just before she comes on stage and it soon becomes painfully clear that her voice isn't going to be able to overwhelm a tent full of half cut Irish people on a Friday night. This isn't helped by the fact that she's suffering from a cold . I myself end up falling into conversation with the group beside me after one of them asks me for a smoke. Laura Marling leaves the stage about ten minutes early and I don't think anyone really cared.

I leave crawdaddy to head back to the main stage for Modest Mouse. On my way across the field I am stopped by a drunken Rebel to tell me that Ireland won and that Fahey scored. I told him I was a Fahey, producing my bank card as evidence. He was slightly disappointed when I confessed that I wasn't related to Keith. He then went onto to talk about how much he hoped we'd qualify or else he'd have to go back to watching rugby. As he was chatting away his mot was hovering beside us impatiently. After I told him that I use to play rugby he looked at me almost with disdain. I explained that I also played gaa and that I took an ecumenical approach to sport. He then went onto commiserate with me on Dublins lose to Cork in the recent semi final. I took his commiseration in good nature and we chatted for a bit about music and the festival before his girl decided enough was enough and dragged him off to whereever it was they were going.

I hooked up with the others for Modest Mouse. Everyone is talking about the two Modest Mouse songs they know and the fact that Johnny Marr played with them for a while. They get their biggest hit out of the way three songs in, a sure sign of confidence in their material. I spent a bit of time talking to Adam who is a big Modest Mouse fan and had cycled down to raise money for Temple Street and all I can say to anyone who cycled down is fair play to them. Everyone seemed to enjoy Modest Mouse. They drew a decent crowd to the main stage which is to be expected as when they played here before they filled up the tent they were assigned to.

After Modest Mouse ended we went off in search of chair planes. There was a major discussion over what exactly chair planes are. One person was off the opinion that they were just those fun fair rides where you sit on a chair at the end of chains and get spun around. Another putting forth the idea that it was a chair with wheels that they pushed down a hill as you set in it. I was leaning towards the former as pushing people down hills in chairs seemed like a major health and safety no-no. Turned out they were those funfair rides.

Next on our agenda is Eels back in Crawdaddy show. I was very excited about this. Eels were the band who made my mind up that I would be coming this year. It was a good not great show by them. At times they rocked out but others they were neph. Highlights though being a great version of "Summer in the City" which had everyone singing the first three lines and then realising that they knew no more words to the song. Also I really enjoyed "Mr E's wonder Blues" and "I like birds". On the way out of the gig I find a pink Arafat scraf on the ground which I pick up and put around my neck figuring someone would want it at some stage and if not I can give it to my missus when i get home.

After Eels there's a bit of hanging around and chatting while people decide what to do next. While we mull this over we buy some vodka shots off a passing salesman. He was offering 4 for a tenner but after a quick bit of haggling we got 5 for a tenner. A consenus is reached that they're going to head back to the campsite for drink. I still have some vodka on me and am filling quite buzzed so go off to explore the Body and Soul arena. I was also trying to find my mate Dougie and Niamh who were having tea somewhere in there. It took me a long time to find as I kept taking wrong turns and finding myself lost in little corners of the Body and Soul arena. While I was in these areas I took a look at the art as I never knew if I'd be coming back to it. Eventually I found them and enjoyed a refreashing cup of apple and cinneamon tea. It was nice to sit down for a while. Though we had to be vigilant as once someone tried to steal our empty cups, no doubt hoping to reclaim the deposit on them.

Feeling throughly refreashed we headed off to see the Rubberbandits. On the way there Niamh pointed out a Thai van which was from her favourity restaurent, I made a mental note of it's location. I polished off the last of my vodka. The tent was packed, full of people who were hoping to throw stuff at Cystal Swing who were guesting with them. The tent was too hot for me and so I made excuses and headed off for a Smoothie. Once I had procured my Smoothie I gave Fanj a shout and went onto meet him. Fortunatly for me he was sitting outside the Rubberbandits tent so he was easy to find. We set there for a while till the Rubberbandits finished leaving people disappointed at being unable to throw stuff at Crystl Swing. Apparently the organisers had the good sense to get them on first thing in the act and get them off before the crowd swelled up. It was decided to head back to the Body and Soul. Along the way we picked up a few people so there was a good crowd of us heading inside. As the night progressed I got a number of compliants on my new scraf which as well as looking good was doing a fine job of keeping the chill out.

Getting on my Back

When we got inside we found a big wooly Moose. As I sometimes go by the name of Moose I was delighted. There was a little enclove for sitting inside the belly of the moose but unfortunatly that was taken by some guy who was fast asleep. I contended myself with sitting on top of it and looking out over the crowd as they danced the morning away. After a while it was decided to head back to the campsite for some beer. This time having no vodka and having drunken enough of Fanjs Buckfast I acceded to the idea and followed the group back to a tent for a quick nightcap where we got treated to the sight of some throwing up on the side of someelses tent. Our sympathies all went out to the person sleeping in that tent. Having had enough excitment for one day I headed back to my tent for a solid few hours of drunken sleep.

Saturday Morning
I woke up around 9:30 to the sound of rain beating down on my tent. Obviously I was in no mood to step out in and tried to roll over to go back to sleep. A combination of my own head and back ground noise from the campsite prevented this so I set up and groped for my water. I spent the next wee while listening to the rain while I drank water and ate Rwontees Randoms which had been handed out on the way in. Once the rain had stopped I got up and brought my chair under the neighbouring tents gazebo where I tucked into the Quesdillas I had brought down with me for breakfast. I hate queuing for breakfast. I ate and waited for people to emerge from their tents which they did in drips and drabs. As everyone got up the was the usual thing of comparing the night before and the state of everyones head before people would wander off for their morning business. While we were sitting there copies of The Ticket were passed around and it was noted that a tweet from Fanj had made the front page.

The first entrance

Once everybody was fed and watered it was decided to go inside and check out And So I Watch You From Afar. In an effort so spare some sheillings I decided to attempt to bring some beer in. I concluded I would need a decoy to get past so security so began to nurse the open beer I had and put a couple of cans on me. As I approached security I finished my can and handed it to the gaurd who let me past without a search. Following a quick dash through the entrance I was inside with two cans to nourish me for a couple of acts. As we headed to ASIWYFA a man with a horses head passed us by. It seemed to shake everyones grip of reality with had been tenously returning after the night before. After ASIWYFA had throughly blown away the cobwebs with a blistering set I headed across to see The Mighty Stef bang out a few tunes where I met Niamh. We enjoyed a highly entairning set, even if the singer did threaten to do "an Axel Rose" after someone had thrown a baseball cap at him. I think he objected more to the fact that it was a baseball cap rather than the fact something was thrown at him. After the show myself and Niamh went our seperate ways. Having finished my beers and having a natural break I headed back to basecamp to top up.

The Second Entrance

There was a decent crowd there when I got back so I set down and enjoyed the company. Shortly after I set down a rainy mist set in and we retired to the various porches of the tents available. Apparently the tent we visited had being vomited in the night before but you couldn't tell. As we chatted I watched the rain and deciding that it was easing up I made a break for the Redneck Manifesto. Packing a beer, a bottle of whiskey with ginger ale and my scarf in my pocket as a decoy bulge I braved the security cordon. Using my decoy beer technique from earlier I had made it the whole way through without a pat down I am about to stride away when I feel a hand on my shoulder.
"You can't bring those in here" he says reaching for my whiskey.
"That's just my ice-tea".
"Well there's the beer too."
After looking at him with puppy dog eyes he takes the beer but leaves me without my "Ice-tea". I view this as a worthwhile scarfice and go off to buy a beer figuring that it's a little too early to hit the whiskey. I hook up with Fanj at the Rednecks. We both throughly enjoy the gig which kept the energy levels way up.

My next engagement was with Villagers while Fanj was heading to Crystal Castles. We were standing around for a while before I realised I was hungry so I said my goodbyes and headed off to find that Thai place Niamh had recommended where I got a delicous Chicken with chillies. On my way back to see Villagers I bumped into Siobhan from work and her friends. They were also heading along to Villagers so I tagged along with them. I enoyed Villagers emmensely. The tent was packed. Everybody was singing the songs back to them and during "I'll be in Pieces" the sun comes out and the crowd at the back of the tent go wild. I leave the tent humming their tunes. Siobhan and her group decide to head back to their tent for some drink and I'm left on my own again.

As I wander around trying to decide what to do I'm approached by my mate Richard and go along with him to Crystal Castles where there's a group of people I know there including Amy who I shared part of my bus ride to Fanjs with the day before. That seemed so long ago at that point. Caught the last Crystal Castles song which sounded pretty good before heading back outside where myself and Richard set between the Electric Arena and Crawdaddy tent while Amy and the others listened to Paul Brady. We stayed there for a while before the group decided to move on. There was a split between those who wanted food and those who wanted to see Seasick Steve. I wanted to see Seasick Steve but somehow fell in with the food group. Realising my mistake I made my excuses and headed towards the main stage. Just after sending Richard a text to find out where I could find him I saw him standing in my path and ambled up to him. We picked up a couple of people went on to Seasick Steve. To be honest we didn't really enjoy the show being too far back to apreciate Steves southern charms. Wrong place for the gig we decided. We decided to go for some jelly shots. This salesman was offering 4 for €12 until Richard pointed out he got 4 for a tenner the night before and he dropped his price.

After Seasick Steve I headed over to Steve Earle. Richard and the others went for some beers with the intention of following me over. At first I was a little disappointed to see that he wouldn't be accompanied by a band but after a while the gig grew on me and I started to get into it. Richard and the others joined me briefly but weren't really digging it and left. I got a text from LDH who was at the side of the tent with Adam. I wandered over to them where we solved the problems off the world while enjoying the gig. We were delighted with his decison to play "Down in the Hole" from The Wire though the lads were disappointed that he had opened with "Copperhad Road" which they had missed. After a version of "Galway Girl" that would knock socks of anything Mundy could do we left the tent happy. We headed over to the Bacardi place to meet up with Susan and Fiona, the lads repective wife and girlfriend. Fiona needed to go to the toilet and Susan insisted LDH accopmany her like a gentleman. While they were gone we set and Susan explained that we were sitting in what appeared to be the pick up spot. They had been approached by several guys while they were waiting there which myself and Adam thought would be flattering but was, according to Susan, extremely irrating. As if to illustrate her point some drunk guy came up to us and began to chatter innanely about day time tv until his mate came back and picked him up. Still waiting on the others to get back Adam went to relieve himself. While he was gone Susan asked how I met my wife. This was the 5th or 6th time this weekend I had told the story so I tried to skim over the details but due to some intelligant questioning from Susan I gave a more detailed account of the tale than I normally do.

Once everyone had regrouped we headed into see Cathy Davey. I stayed for about five songs before realising that it was the same show I had seen in the Olympia a few months before I headed back to basecamp for some booze. The place was deserted when I got there and so I took a little time to sit byself in the quiet and sip on a beer. I say quiet but I could hear The Frames in the distance. After a while I heeded their siren call and headed to the main stage to check them out in person. Now that it was after 11 I had no trouble getting my drink in with me. For The Frames I lent against the barrier of the soundstage. My legs were beginning to tire from the day so it was nice to get some relief.

Gil Scott Heron was on in Crawdaddy after The Frames and I decided I had enough time to grab a quick Burrito. I found a bonfire as I was walking to Crawdaddy and decided it would be a lovely place to eat. I set down on a log and warmed my feet while I ate. Some English guy with pink hair set down beside me and we fell into conversation. After a while he offered me some liquid lsd. I polietly declined. We continued our chat with no hard feelings on his side. I realised that I had spent to long beside the fire. There's something about an open fire which I find very hard to leave.

I had missed Gil Scott Heron so I headed to Body and Soul for Caribou where Fanj had informed me he was sitting on the hill watching the show. On my over to him I passed the wooly moose and noticed the seat inside it's belly was free. Well I couldn't resist and dived into. It was every bit as comfortable as I had hoped for. I texted Fanj to let him know I would be staying there for the show and would catch him after. When I had sent my text I was approached by a Swede who told me he had designed the moose and would show me how to sit properly in it. He encourged me to lie sideways in it with my legs on the ground. This was a new level of comfort. I thanked him for the suggestion but explained that if I set like that I would be asleep inside 5 minutes and went back to an upright position.

I set there for Caribou and sipped on my whiskey and ginger ale. It went down a little to easy and before I knew it both bottles were empty. It all got a little hazy after that point. I have images of dancing in the body and soul. Sitting beside a lake. Wandering around lookng at the giant tulips and visiting the Salty Dog where I think I enjoyed whoever was on. My next clear image was finding myself in the Oscar Wilde campsite not being entirely sure where I was. I found my way back to my tent and crashed out.

Sunday Morning
I woke up in a bad place on Sunday morning, pounding headache, rough stocmach and a dry mouth. As I scanned my tent I relaised I had lost my scarf at some stage over the previous night. Easy come, easy go After filling up on water I go in search of some breakfast. I inhale a garlic and herb sausage before trying my first beer of the day. It doesn't go down to well and I go for a lie down. Half an hour later I'm up and tucking into my second beer which goes down better. I set in the circle and nurse myself back to health. While I was in this circle someone told the story of how I met my wife. I was pretty sure I hadn't told her the story at any point over the weekend and she confirmed this by explaining that someone had told it the night before. She told a faithful version of the tale and it was interesting for me to hear the story told by a 3rd person.

One of the guys in a tent ajoining the circle was cooking up some susages and offered them around so I went and joined their circle which to a bit of abuse being thrown in my direction. I explained that this circle was offering suasages and if they wanted me back they'd have to up their game.

I had intended to start my Sunday with James Vincent McMorrow but I wasn't quite ready to move by the time he was on. As it was quite pleasent in the campsite I resolved to stay there till Fight Like Apes came on. However after a few beers I realised I needed to get some food and headed inside. On my way up to the entrance I asked a couple of Gardai if they knew the result of the All Ireland. They didn't they informed me. What's the point of being wired up if you don't get the result fed into your earpiece?

Crotch Stuffing
Again I used my decoy can technique and placed vodka and beer in my other pockets. There mini diet cokes being handed outside the security check so I took a couple in order to provide som cover. Unfortunatly this time my vodka and apple juice was spotted at the first check. I went back outside and stuck the bottle down my pants. After rearranging my pockets I tried another gaurd and skipped happly through.

After picking up some pad thai I noticed some empty seats so I went for one but just before I got there a girl set down in one of them. I asked if the other was free.
"Off course" she said.
I set down and introduced myself. It turned out that she was from Italy and in true Italian fashion we enjoyed some good food and pleasent conversation where we compared our picnic experiences. I was even able to provide her a beverage as I still had the diet coke from outside. Following our meal we wished each other well. She headed off for a work shop and I headed to Fight like Apes.

On the way to Fight Like Apes I bumped into one of the guys who had been sharing sausages earlier in the day. He was on his way to Two Door Cinema Club. As I had some time to spare before FLA came on I tagged along. I stayed for a few songs and though I was enjoying it I decided to go to FLA as I wanted to hear something I knew the words to.

So I went across to Crawdaddy, realising that I'd spent a lot of time there over the weekend. I went right up close to the front and spent three quarters of an hour jumping around and singing along. Once the gig was up I sent a few texts around looking for people but there didn't seem to be any around. For the first time of the weekend I was at a loss. I was wandering around when I heard something good come out of the Electric Arena and so I headed in. Consulting my timetable I ascertained that I was listening to Fat Freddys Drop. I found a nice pole at the back, set down against it and enoyed the show.

Once Fat Freddys Drop was over I headed in the direction of Mumford and Sons where I knew I'd be able to find some people. I had fifteen minutes to spare so decided to fill the time with a ten minute massague. This turned out to be a magnifient idea as the aches which were starting to build up after the weekend exertions. Feeling like a new man I headed to the main stage for Mumford and Sons. I directed myself to the left side of the stage, the general side where people I know go and was about to send some texts out when I spotted a few people from the basecamp and went over to them.
"Your looking very zen" one of them told me.
"Must be the massage" I shrugged back.
The general consensus from our group that while Mumford and Sons were good it did tend to sound like they were always played the same song.

We killed some time after Mumford and Sons while people made their plans for the next act. I had decided to go see The National on the main stage while the others voted for the Low Anthem. We said our goodbyes. I headed up to buy a beer and fell into a queue behind a Tipp man from whom I was able to get the result of the match. As our queue snaked around to the bar the Tipp man recived congratulations from all sides. It was like walking behind a celebratiy at a premiere.

Being alone at The National I headed close to the stage to get sucked into the atmophere. The fact that it was starting to rain meant being surrounded by bodies had the added benefit of keeping me dry. Enjoyed The National immensly as they played songs I knew the words to. Something I've learned over my past picnic visits is that it's best to go for stuff you know on the Sunday as it's easier to get into the show.

An Early Night
After the National I headed back for a booze top up. There didn't appear to be anyone in the campsite so I headed straight for my tent. No sooner had I gotten insife did the heavens open. I would hear the rain bouncing off my tent. I wasn't going out in that. I decided to stay until it either eased up or people came back. My sFanjach began to rumble horribly and I regretted not getting a quick bite to eat earlier. After a bit I was beginning to nod off when I heard voices coming from Fanjs tent. I dashed through the bibical downpour and dived into his tent. There were two people in there so I tried to enjoy some vodka with them. Unfortunatly after having come so close to sleep I was unable to rally myself. I excused myself and crashed out around midnite. I woke up what I assumed had been half and hour or so feeling better. The rain was still pelting down but I could hear voices coming from Fanjs tent. I dashed across to find four people in his bed, three of them concsious. Turns out it was 6 in the morning.
"You went to bed hours ago," LDH, who's lying beside Fanj, says.
"Yeah and now I'm up."
"Fair enough."
I stayed there for one more drink before it became obvious that those in bed needed their sleep so I headed back to my bed for a bit more kip.

Monday Morning
Woke up at around nine feeling better than I've ever felt on the Monday after a picnic. No one else is up so I go for some breakfast. The rain has stopped but it has taken it's toll on the landscape and I have to skirt around mud baths which have formed in the path.

I get back and wait for people to wake up. Fanj and LDH are the last to wake and are showing no urgency to leave. Now I'm beginning to feel rough so open a beer to try and ease the pain. I'm halfway through it and the lads are still lieing beside each other in bed having pillow talk. Theres a conversation going on beside me about which cars have free space. Adam and Susan are ready to leave and have room for one more. I jump at the opportunity to get out of there and quickly pack up my tent.

One nauseous car journey later and I'm at my kitchen table tucking into some potatoe cakes left for me by my lovely wife. Another picnic gone.

Piggy Bankers

2010-05-27T18:12:00.004+03:00

Piggy bankers and Biffos coming,
We're finally going to pay
This winter i hear the till a ringing
3 more years of working days.

What do we do with our economy
Dead on the ground.
How do you work when you know
That it's all going to AIB?
This piggy bankers still ride their luck.
Why should we work when we know.

Piggy bankers and NAMA coming.
We're finall going to pay.
How much more?
How much more?

2009-06-18T00:08:00.001+03:00

Every time that she sells herself to me
She seems a little bit cheaper in my eye
What started out as a flower, losses her pedals
Rose red fading to a base metal

I like to say that she’s asking for it
Dressed up and showing off her bits
No more real than a plastic doll
An angelic figure ready to fall.

I’ll take her and make a show
So as to increase my renown
She’ll remain an eternal wilted flower
So that all can see corrupting power.

I’ll take a back seat to my art
This is not so show how I’m smart
It’s to stop the rot and arrest the decline
By making something dirty into the sublime

Talking about Revolution

2009-06-08T22:15:00.003+03:00

found my self at a dinner last March and at the table there was a mature student of development. As you can imagine she had a number of views on the state of the world and where we were headed. At the time she was optimistic that 2008 would be a momentous year and there would be shifts in the way we do things for the better. I think she was particularly stirred by the message coming from the Obama campaign but she also made the point that every twenty years or so there’s a big moment in society. I’d like to speak to her now and see how she feels 2008 lived up to her prediction. Obama got in but the world didn’t become a better place overnight, this was never going to be the case despite our society’s expectations for instant gratification we have to accept that some things take time to achieve.

She could point to the eruptions in the financial sector that rocked the world in the latter part of the year but as she was referencing past events which stirred the people I’d feel she’d be stretching it a bit to compare the unravelling of a unethical financial system to the mass movements which took place in 1968 and 1989, I don’t want to trivialise the misfortunate of ordinary people who lost their savings it just seems to lack the same power of the repercussions of the events of 68 and 89. To take two examples, one from each year, the effects of the Prague Spring were a realisation of just how far the Soviets would go to maintain the sphere of influence, further curtailing of peoples rights, the denial of a possibility of a middle way and disillionsment of an entire population in the system which ruled them. From the events of 1989 we have a larger EU, democratic governments across most of Europe, not to mention the boon map makers enjoyed in the early 90s as new countries popped up. I’m just not sure if anything which has happened during this crisis lives up with that.

I do think that she may have just gotten her predication slightly off. We had 1968 and the 1989 so the next logical moment is sometime in 2010. As I mentioned earlier things take time. Maybe what’s been going on are just the first rumblings of a revolution. Perhaps next year car workers will seize control of the Detroit factories and start producing co-op cars. We could see stand-offs in capitals across the world as recovery remains stubbornly slow and people realise that changes have been cosmetic.

Except in Ireland where things will continue on as normal. We just don’t seem to get as animated about these things as other places. I could blame it on the weather. The fact that it’s always pretty mild has made us given us a placid national mood. The weather doesn’t move from one extreme to another and neither does our temperament. So as a result we ride these surges of emotions out and adept which ever system seems to be working best to our own needs.

Now while I’m a fan off ascribing behaviour to the weather it does smack a bit of blaming the stars for the guiding the fates of individuals so I gave some more thought to the idea of way as a people we haven’t histrocially gotten to pent up on ideals, the biggest march I’ve heard of in this country was over an increase in tax not exactly a statement of belief in a grand idea. Our main ideal has been national independence. We never really had a struggle between ourselves, we always had an outsider as an enemy. Even those freedom fighters of the past who had other political ideals beside independence are now more commonly remembered as members of the independence. As we had no alternative political culture to independence once we had achieved independence this did for a majority of the population fulfil their ideal. As a result government became about management and improving our lot. The political system grew out of the independence struggle and hasn’t altered much since then, occasionally new parties have been brought about my issues of the day but none of these has stood the test of time yet (it remains to be seen how the Greens will grow as a party). To this day independence can be used as a rallying cry for a number of issues, hence you get people claiming to be republicans without realising that in a republic you have to respect the wishes and beliefs of all members of the republic, and stunts the growth of other ideals. Therefore since our historical ideal has been achieved for the majority of people, I know I’m ignoring the North but I think it’s best for all concerned if we all did that, there’s no passion for other ideals.

Or perhaps there’ll be no protests because 2010 is a world cup year and as I write we have a better than evens chance of qualifying which will provide a national distraction to anything else that’s going on.

I for one can't wait to see what happens and only I hope that I'm a bit more accurate in my predications than my scholar of development friend. --

Joe the Scarecrow

2009-05-17T17:59:00.002+03:00

The sun was coming up over the field which Joe the Scarecrow was guarding. It was a cool, crisp morning, with little wind worth mentioning. The early morning scavengers were circling the air above the field scanning to see what pickings there was for breakfast. None of them dared get too close to the field for Joe had a fearsome reputation amongst the feathered fellows who flew in that area.

Joe was watching the birds as they watched him. Muttering to himself and hoping they’d approach. He was feeling grumpy this morning, feeling aware of the passing of time and the effect it was having him. The few days previous to this had been blustery and Joe had been tossed around like the man of straw that he was. He was sure that he had lost some straw and was looking a bit more raggedy than usual. His hat had blown off and Joe could just about make it out at the far end of the field. He could only hope that when the farmer came by later he’d notice it and put it back on Joe’s head but the old farmer seemed to notice less and less these days.

Joe had been guarding this field for a long, long time. He had kept all sorts of crops safe and scared away generations of birds. He was just beginning to think back on his earliest days on the field when he had been freshly stuffed and his clothes weren’t as weather beaten as they were know when one brave young bird swooped down to pick at some of the crops growing in the fertile ground. Joe let out the most bird-blood curdling scream he could which shocked the young bird who had been foolish enough to descend into Joes field. Joe had been an inquisitive scarecrow when he had started out and was determined to be the scariest thing around. He knew this wouldn’t be easy. The birds around his fields were a notoriously tough bunch of birds. The food supply was sparse and so they were prepared to put up with a large amount of discomfort and danger to get their feed. Still they had certain survival instincts which overruled their bravery and caused them to fly away. With this in mind Joe had studied the language of the birds and come up with a highly respectable imitation of a cry off a large and aggressive gull who was appeared to be fast approaching the area where the scavenger was plucking. With this skill acquired he was able to keep his field a bird free zone.

Those early days learning birdcalls seemed like another lifetime. There had been big changes in his surroundings since then. Back then the farmers house had been smaller and greyer. There had been little people running around all the time, these days the little people only appeared every once in a while and didn’t spend so much time here. They didn’t seem to run around as much then. Back then the fields had been empty as far as he could see, aside from the odd scarecrow trying to keep his fields free. There were more houses scattered in his line of view and it seemed that there were less scarecrows around too. Things were noisier now too. In his younger days he was able to enjoy the silence of the countryside but over the past few years he had noticed that this silence was disturbed more and more often by some strange rumbling noises coming from behind him. Sometimes on the windy days when he was being blown around he could see things flash by at the edge of the field that were the sources of these noises but he didn’t know what they were. A man thing no doubt.

The day had well and thoroughly started by now, the farmer and his wife were out doing their various bits and pieces. She was feeding the chickens while he was bringing the cows off wherever it was that he brought the cows everyday. Joe knew that there was much from them to do but it also seemed to him that it was taking longer and longer for them to get things done. They seemed to have slowed down like the shadows on a summers day. How did it come about that while everything else seemed to be getting faster that these two were ignoring that pressure and taking things slowly. Then again Joe thought, that maybe it was his preception that was slowing down. There was less straw in his head than there use to be so things didn't move as quickly through it as they use to.

Around the middle of the day things stopped for the farmer and his wife. Joe watched as the farmer made his way to an old table under a tree and waited there while his wife came out with two steaming plates. This ritual had been observed ever since they had knocked the smaller grey house in favour of the white house which was twice as high as the old one. The couple ate on the site where the old house use to be. In the past it had included the little ones but now it was their own private ritual, solemnly observed.

Normally after lunch the farmer would wander his fields, checking around and fixing anything that needed fixing. He'd never fix anything that wasn't broken. Today though he didn't seem to be in any hurry to get up from his dining table and the reason soon became clear as a car came up the drive way through the house. A young man got out of the car, approached the farmer and shook him by the hand. While the young man seemed friendly and relaxed there Joe noticed that the farmer had tensed up and was did not appear to be at all happy with the presence of this man on his land. The farmers body language reminded Joe of the time when the cattle had been sick and the farmer had been taken another visitor around the farm to check on them.

Joe watched as the two of them set off around the farm, stopping every once in a while as the farmer pointed something out or the visitor asked a question on something. They came through Joe’s field but they didn’t come close enough for Joe to hear what was being said between the two of them. All Joe could tell was that the younger man seemed very impressed with what he was saying. After about an hour the visitor left, handing the farmer a bundle of papers before he did so.

While all this was going on the farmers wife had been busying herself within the house but Joe noticed that she would occasionally come to the window or the back door and look out at what was going on. Once the visitor had left the farmer headed inside and stayed there for quite some time.

He eventually came out to bring the cows in. Joe watched as he made his slow trip up and back with them. Joe noticed that the farmer seemed to be talking to his cows in a different manner to how he usually would. On a normal day the farmer would shout and curse the cows up the path but today he seemed to be more serene with them, giving each one a gentle path as he brought them inside.

When he was done with the cows the farmer came into Joes field, picked up Joes hat and placed it on his head.
-Noticed this caught in the bushes when I was showing your man around earlier, the farmer said to Joe, anyway you’ll be seeing a lot more of that fellow soon enough. He’ll be taking over from me, it’s a damn shame that none of the kids want this place but what can you do. You might be coming to the end of your time here as well. Maybe the new fellow won’t hold with scarecrows, he might set up one of those recorded shotgun blasts. Still I won’t be taking you down. You’re part of the land as far as I’m concerned and if he wants the land he can take you too.

Joe watched as the farmer walked home. Joe wondered what a recorded shotgun blast was and how it would keep the birds away.--

Hanging Socks

2009-05-11T21:13:00.001+03:00

It had started as a normal enough day for Socks the Cat. He had come back from his night wander at the time when he knew the humans would be eating. He made sure that they saw him and thus remembered to leave out food for him. Then when they had gone off to wherever it was they went during the day he had begun to wander around his garden domain. Little did he know that in a few hours he would be fighting for his life.

Socks wandered spent some time sitting on a wall enjoying the hear of the sun while gazing out at the world around him. Then after chewing on some grass he decided to do some climbing. He started on some of the easier trees in the garden which he ambled up with no effort. After mastering these trees he decided to take on the big bush. There was a lot of growth on this bush and the branches grew out at unusual angles making it quite difficult to climb. Socks had tried it a few times before and each attempt had been extremely difficult, requiring him to test and contort his body into all sort of strange shapes to get to the top. It gave him the best work out of anything in the garden.

As was normal he approached the bush slowly. Taking a long around and trying to decide the best position to enter from. He decided that today he would go at it from the side. He gently put his front paw on the lowest branch to test it’s strength. Once he was sure that it would support him he began to make progress up the bush. He stretched his paws out in front of him to reach branches which would support him and aide his progress up the tree. He was making good progress up bush, in fact he was three quarters of the way to the top, when all of a sudden what had seemed like a steady branch bent and gave way underneath him sending him plummeting towards the ground. If he had been to make it all the way to the ground it would not have been an issue as he was sure to land on his feet but somehow his collar got caught in a branch pulling tight on his neck, choking the life out of him. Socks paniced and struggled against the pull on his collar trying to pull himself further up the tree to give him some breathing space but he was unable to get any leverage and ended up being dragged back down to his original position being hung from a branch.

He decided he needed that he not going to be able to reposition himself on a branch and that he must escape his collar. With this in mind he stretched all four of his paw out and wrapped thema around a branch vertically opposite to where he was hanging from. He pulled himself toward that branch stretching the collar out, which had the disadvantage of increasing the pressure on his windpipe but he knew he would have to take this risk if he was going to survive. He managed to get enough pull on the collar that he could squeeze his head out of his own death trap and drop to the ground for what he had to admit was one of his less graceful landings.

Socks looked back at the collar with anger before going to lie in the sun and recover. --

The Return of Sid the Squid

2009-04-15T21:12:00.002+03:00

We last saw Sid the Squid slither home
In that time he had licked his wounds
Formulate a plan and hone
It till no flaw could be found.

He followed the battles of Eauman
With obsessive attention, studying his rival
Noting his moves and like a star struck fan
Until his knowledge of Eauman was archival.

It seemed clear to him now,
That no one fish could defeat,
That green and gold hero who hit with a pow
And was too sharp to fall for a deceit.

If I'm to achieve my ultimate aim,
I'll need a major league crew
And I know which fishes help to obtain
To help me make sure Eauman is through.

So Sid the Squid went out to recruit
The feared and loathed Mussel Mob
Whose reputation left no dispute
That they were the only ones to make Eauman sob.

With the mussel secured Sid was sure
That this time his plan would not fail
And with this thought he felt secure
As they approached Deep Sea city with darkness as a veil.

The Mussel Mob hit the plankton depot
In a loud and noticeable way
In order to attract our famous hero
Who would come to save the day.

When Eauman appeared the Mussel Mob struck.
Entrapping Eauman by encasing him in sea silk.
Sid appeared to ink Eauman now that he was stuck,
Knowing a victory would make him a legend to his ilk.

Eauman was in trouble and he knew it well
He pretended to struggle as Sid began to brag
Eauman knew he must create a swell
To clean the ink from his eyes and make the silk lag.

But such a big swell would endanger Deep Sea city and it's fishizens
So Eauman knew that he would have bid his time and wait
Till the villains took him along to show-off to their kin.
It would be this pride that would bring about his enemies defeat.

And indeed it was so that the villains did want to exhibit
Their achievement to fellow evil doers
And they spirited Eauman to a place bad fish inhabit
Believing they had beaten him with their powers.

So Eauman waited till the city was far
Before suddenly going in to a spin
And creating a swell which took the conflict to a level par
Though Eauman still had much to do to win

The Mussel Mob were attacked
He took aim at their hinges
Forcing them open and before the mob could react
He was smashing their their softness until they did cringe.

With the Mussel Mob well beat
Eauman wanted to make Sid the Squid pay.
But the slippery squid was on the retreat
Eauman knew this feud would have to be settled some other day.

Suzie the Sultry Salmon Schemes against Eauman

2009-04-15T20:59:00.001+03:00

We’ve seen that when it comes to a fight
There’s no need to for us to worry
Because Eauman will be alright
And it’s the villain who’ll be sorry.

It’s his strength and his speed
That serves him so well in battle
Allowing him to beat evil’s seed
While he kept himself in fine fettle.

But Eauman was still a man with manly faults,
Leaving him venerable to more delicate traps
An enemy using a more subtle assualt,
Might leave Eauman feeling quite the sap.

So Suzie the Sultry Salmon set and schemed
A way to get at Eauman and under his skin.
She needed a diversion, something not as it seemed
A ploy to make Suzie seem clean of sin.

She hired a goon, a down on his luck cod,
They staged a hold-up in the hope,
That Eauman would appear and trod
The poor cod until he couldn't cope.

The plan worked with a hitch
Eauman appeared to save Suzie
Who seemed to be in quite a pinch
How was he to know she was just a fluzie?

Once the cod had been dispatched
Eauman turned upon Suzie his steely gaze,
Noticed her pink skin, his hero reserve smashed,
As he planned taking her for days and days.

Suzie the Sultry Salmon saw the look in his eyes
She swam seductively towards Eauman, her saviour
She proclaimed. With you my saftey lies.
Eauman tried to play it cool, just glad to have won her favour.

They moved for an embrace, Suzie sensing victory,
She knew her kiss to be enchanted,
Eauman would be powerless, her toy
And that he would be supplanted.

Suzie the Sultry Salmon would have
Deep sea city in her petite fins
After the kiss, Eauman would stay in her cave
While she ruled the city and it's kin.

Their lips met and Suzie thought she had won
She pulled back in delight, expecting Eaumans face
To be blank, awaiting her instructions as if she was his one
But Eauman was in control, with nothing out of place.

For he was not so easily swayed by the kiss
Of a villian, with a ploy so old and used
Only a novice wouild have been able to miss
The trick and end up in cave with the city abused.

He'd applied some lip balm protection,
Relied on his fish good looks,
To create in Suzie some affection
So that when she swoned, he struck.

So in a flash Suzie was defeated.
While her head will still a spin.
She took a deep breath and bereated
Herself for thinking that she could win.

Budget Reaction

2009-04-08T20:14:00.000+03:00

So what's going to happen next? We've had the April Budget, hopefully not to be come a spring fixture, which seems a bit to me like the political equivalent of searching down the back of the sofa for lose change. Everyones being hurt, so we hear anyway, and everyone is sitting down now and trying to figure out how to get enjoyment out of life on less as well as looking around to see what has not been Understandable as this is in the rush to cut cloth after the budget there seems to be an oversight of the more artful aspects of the budget. There's a general consenus that the arts thrieve in a recession, presumably because people have more time on their hands to be creative and so the minister for finance has included some ammo in his budget to allow some satarical characterisation of himself.

There's the decsion to cut the Christmas bonus for the unemployed which leaves hims open to a bit of photoshopping and turned in Scrooge, this is a bit obvious I know but with free sheets and all that we've got a lazy media and so it's best to cater for them. I would suggest using the Michael Caine version from a Muppets Christmas Carol. The Grinch is another option. Of course both these characters had changes of heart brought about by the a bit of festive spirt. Unfortuantly I doubt that Lenihan will expereince such a turn around and descend with Turkeys for all us Crokkets.

Of course there's also the possibility that the budget is part of a grand master plan that we're all missing as we get caught up in our pockets. As I see it there are a couple of possible directions this budget could be designed to take us. It's just a matter of thinking a little bit outside the box and letting any pre-concieved ideas you might have drop. Obviously as this is a Fianna Fail plan I can't say for certain whether they're going to the left or to the right so I've presented both alternatives here.

The changes to the income levy come into force on the 1st of May, which aside from allowing us one more pay cheque, means that the workers get hit on a day traditionally associated with workers rights. When this connection was made in my head last night I began to see Lenihan in a new light. Perhaps the man has given up on the system that we have in place but has realised that there are two many vested interests involved for him to bring about change by himself. I had visions of him sitting alone in his office reading up on his Marx. Perhaps he's been have clandestine meetings with Joe Higgins to gain further insights from the man who urged the people to retake the factories recently on his Che documentary. Then one night, after several cans of Bavaria, the idea hits him. Screw everyone on Mayday when revoultion will be in the air anyway. The marchers will have something to hang their marchs on and will attract more than the usual rabble of crusty hippies. Angered by the new budget measures the people will raise and sieze power. The politicians will be run from Lenister house, Lenihan by the way will have quietly slipped out of the country at this stage, and a new workers utopia with no levys will be formed. While this is going on Lenihan will have undergone plastic surgery and re-entered the country, once the dust has settled, as a fire-breeding man of the people. Changing his political colours to mesh with the mood of the times in true Fianna Fáil fashion.

Of course I could be wrong about the whole left wing plot theory. If there is a conspiracy in the budget it's more likely to be a right wing one, left wing people tend to be more idealistic and less prone to plotting believing that one day people will get tired and rise up. Now where is the right wing conspiracy in this budget. It's through the attack on the children. The halfing of the care allowance which is preceeding it's abolution next year. I believe this is part of a scheme to force women out of the work force as they will have to devote their time to childcare. This would of course have the knock on effect of boosting freeing up jobs for men and boosting the employment rate. I believe this is part of a grander plan to take us back to sometime in the mid twenieth century but that's something I'll go into in greater detail at a later date.--

What Pallos did next

2009-04-06T23:41:00.000+03:00

After Pallos the Clown had left the circus he spent sometime wandering trying to figure out what to do with himself. This uncertainty had plagued him since the start of his journey. He had been five minutes away from his trailer when he thought that he might be better off taking a few of his belongings with him. Even though there was nothing in there worth keeping, it had occurred to him on reflection that there was stuff in there worth having. Changes of clothes and other such little conveniences which would make a journey of discovery more manageable. So for this reason he made a quick return to his trailer where he started to throw his clothes into a back pack. As he was emptying out his draws he came across his original red nose. He had replaced it for performances a few years back as it had started to look worn out and dirty. It’s red was more the dull red of a drunks nose than the bright red of a clowns one. It wouldn’t be fair to say that he had held onto it for sentimental reasons. It was more the case that he didn’t like throwing anything out and so had kept it for that reason. He hadn’t seen it in years and in truth hadn’t thought about it at all either. Coming across it now, at a time when he was making a break, it suddenly seemed significant so he stuffed it in his pocket and left his trailer.

After his 2nd and final departure Pallos took a quick trek through the woods until he came upon the main road where he hitched a lift from a talkative trucker. The trucker took Pallos along for two towns. While this journey took place the trucker gave his opinions on everything from the weather to the government to the state of the nations roads which seemed to be his major gripe. Pallos sensing that he was there as a focus for this drivers discourse didn’t try to interject his own opinions on any of the subjects covered but did his best to appear attentive and interested in what was being said to him. He was glad to finally get out of the truck. He hadn’t really planned this town as his disembarking point. It was just that after two hours of being talked at he felt that he needed some peace. So when the driver stopped to answer the call of nature Pallos excused himself and wandered around the town. It was a strange time of night to be wandering in such a small town. It was too early for places catering to the early birds to be open but the night owls had been turfed long ago from their perches. Pallos took in the silence of the town. It was a pleasant change now after the time spent with the talkative trucker where over the course of two hours Pallos had realised just how much a bubble being in the circus had created around him. He had no knowledge of most of the topics that the trucker had covered. He hadn’t needed to know about these things and hadn’t bothered. It seemed unnecessary. It still seemed unnecessary. Most of the stuff the trucker had talked about seemed to big for Pallos to comprehend. They were definitely to big for him to do anything. It was better if he simply got his own head together and found some focus for himself.

Pallos spent the wee hours wandering around the town. He was surprised that he felt no need to sleep. He’d normally be in a deep sleep by this time. Especially after a show when the crashing emptiness he’d feel would send him to bed. Now though, as the night crept into morning, he was feeling fully awake and clear headed, it was just that he didn’t have anything to do with this energy. He wandered down the main street of the town where all the shops were shut down. He could see the manniquins through some of the shutters. Their plastic stillness adding to the eerie tone which was hanging over the town. Pallos walked on, taking turns at random with no plan other than to keep moving. It was chilly enough at this time of the night. It was spring and the weather was improving but the heat wasn’t sticking around in the night. He found his way to a little park. The gate was locked but wasn’t high enough to stop someone getting inside if they really wanted to. Pallos hopped the gate and was inside the park. He walked across the pristinely kept grass listening for the sounds of any animals scampering away at the sound of his approach. He heard nothing. As if outside the big top he had no substance. The thought that he became a non-person when out clown gear struck him. Even the wildlife was not phased by his presence. Pallos came to the edge of the pond and looked out on the still dark water. He wondered what he was going to do next. There was a realisation as to what he had done creeping in. The circus really was the only thing he knew. Despite the fact that he found it a deeply dissatisfying and draining experience it was all he had known for the past 15 years. Which left him with the question of what exactly he would do now?

As Pallos pondered this he became aware of the fact that his stomach was empty. He knew there was no point in teasing out such an important issue on an empty stomach. As light was creeping into the day he decided that he’d head back up to the town to see if there was any life yet and more importantly to see if there was any breakfast to be had. The town was slowly coming to life when Pallos walked back in. Those early human indicators of daytime where up and about. Milkmen and bakers made their deliveries. Lights were in on breakfast joints even if the doors were yet to be opened. Pallos came to a street with three places looking like they were getting ready to open up and decided that he would wait until one of them did so.

Pallos waited for about 20 minutes before the first place opened. He went inside and ordered a fry with orange juice and coffee. There was a stack of papers left on the counter and Pallos took one to read. He scanned through the main news articles. There was the usual array of bad news. Pallos was feeling in a strange mood and didn’t want to tip it down with the problems of the world so he just passed by those pages as quickly as he could. About halfway through the paper he found something that grabbed his interest. There was a man in the west who promised to set people along the right path. He claimed that by talking to people for some time he was able to steer them in the right direction for their life. The article was full of testimony from people who had sought guidance from him and had their life reinvigorated by his advice. Some of them had quit their jobs to start new careers, others had kept on at what they were doing but found that their focus and passion had been renewed following his intervention. A few had stayed on with him on his land working with the earth. Pallos the Clown took a sip of his coffee and decided that he would go to meet this man to see what direction he would steer him in.

Eauman battles Fred the Flying Gunard

2009-03-27T20:43:00.002+02:00

Many moons have past
Since Eauman battled Sid the Squid
And sent him away with a mighty blast
Creating a myth for all deep sea city's kids

But evil never rests
And as Sid licked his wounds
A new villain intended to show he was best
With a plan to knock Eauman to the ground

From deep down in his lair
Fred the Flying Gurnard schemed
And believed our hero should beware
I'll hurt Eauman in ways he never dreamed

Fred the Flying Gurnard crawled along the ocean floor
Till he came in sight of deep sea city's buildings
Now I'll make some noirs and bring out that do-gooding bore
And he began to flex his muscle and create a drumming

The foundations of the city began to shake
And young baby fish began to cry
While adult fish were shaken awake
And Fred, having spread panic, began to fly

For this was the 1st stage of his plan
Now he hovered above to wait
For the appearance of Eauman
Who he was sure would meet a terrible fate

And Eauman, he did appear
Fred swooped gown flashing his fins
Their brightness blinded Eauman who now could hear
Nothing but Freds drumming, his chances looked thin.

Eauman tried to strike a blow,
But bounced of Freds armoured gills
This truly was a testing foe
A victory would take all of Eaumans skills

So he gathered his thoughts, took a moment and he went into a spin,
creating current to break Freds dreadful drumming beat
And then he struck the underbelly where the gills were thin
Pushing Fred a tail swish closer to defeat.

Fred was hurt; for Eauman packed a punch
Fred tried his drumming again
But Eauman brought a coral down on Fred with a crunch
Leaving Fred with a stupefied grin.

The battle was done
Fred could see he was beat.
Eauman was the one
Who would keep crime off the street

Pallos the Clown

2009-03-24T21:36:00.005+02:00

Pallos the clown was sad. The lights had come down and the big top had emptied out. The high of the laughter was leaving him and he was beginning to feel like the big top, empty. Pallos had put on a good show. The crowd had laughed at his jokes, his falls and his flops. While all this was going on Pallos was on top of the world. He had gotten himself caught up in the show and so nothing else mattered but nailing the custard pie bit, nothing was more important than the look of joy on the child in the front rows face as Pallos handed him his balloon giraffe. Now though there was nothing to do but remove his make-up and change into his regular normal size shoes. He’d be able to walk amongst the people who less than half an hour ago had been captivated by his antics and they wouldn’t think he was anything more than a every day mid 30s commuter. Pallos travelled in the trail of the crowd. Everywhere around him there were the signs of a large mass of people who had been enjoying their night. There were scatterings of empty pop-corn buckets and drink cups all along the ground. Amongst these you could see the rubber of a burst balloon on the ground which caused Pallos to stop and ponder on the fate of all the balloon animals he had created during his career. How long was it, he wondered, before the joy the child had experienced on receiving this circus visit bonus turned to despair as the balloon burst or would the child experience the slow sorrow of fading life as the balloon animal shrivelled up and died. Pallos sighed and continued his lonely walk to his trailer where there was a solitary dinner waiting for him.

Things hadn’t always been like this for Pallos, the after show use to be a great time for him. He remembered when he first started in the clown game, when he had been young and eager. His bit was in the middle of the show. He’d entertain the crowd while the hands were setting up for the acrobats and tight-rope walkers to perform. His shows had always gone down well even then when he was kinda green. Back then he was part of a double act with Bonzo, an old clown who was coming the time to hang up his red nose when Pallos was coming through. Pallos had hit upon the idea of doing a little after show for the patrons as they left the big top. Nothing to fancy, he did some funny walks, a few magic tricks he picked up along his way to being a clown, told a few jokes and of course made some balloon animals for anyone who wanted one. The shows were quite a hit with the circus attendees and of course the bosses didn’t mind as Pallos never looked for anything extra for doing them, well aside from using the circus’s balloons supplies up a little bit quicker than would otherwise have been the case. Those were great days, Pallos had never interacted as much with the crowds as much as he did in those little exit shows of his. While the big top shows were great for the amount of people he reached and the roar of laughter he got when he got a bucket of water upended on his head, with the bucket getting stuck over his eyes, the quiet chuckles he got for telling a bad joke to a couple of families on their way to the car sometimes gave him a better buzz. It was the personal connection he supposed. The ability to look your audience in the eyes as you did your performance.

Of course these shows didn’t last for ever. Things changed as they do. Tighter insurance regulations prevented Pallos from performing outside the Big Tops in some arenas. Some of the other performers started to object what Pallos was doing. It was usually the case that it was the last performer on the bill that objected. They said that they were the grand finale, the act that people were suppose to be going home thinking about, they worked long and hard perfecting the act often with the pain and suffering caused by getting it wrong and taking a nasty bump. They didn’t want their thunder stolen by a clown act. Then there was the fact the Pallos got cynical and lazy. The years of working in the circus knawed as his desire to amuse, he now longer had the desire the reach people on a personal level. The selfishness and egos of the other performers had started to eat away at his hunger and his drive. He heard things come from the mouths of family entertainers that sickened up to his clown soul. People who made their living providing joy and excitement to the crowds bad mouthing the very people that kept them fed and clothed. He had stopped mixing with the other circus folk after about two years of his trade. He found that they had a collective smugness about them, a combination of being artists and travellers allowed them to think they were better than the 9-5ers they preformed for and this attitude would come through in snide little remarks throughout an evening of socialising. Some of them were not so subtle about their views when they’d had a few drinks on them, which was most nights, and so Pallos the clown found it more enjoyable to keep himself to himself and work on his act or think how after 15 years of being a clown there wasn’t a lot else he could do with his act.

He had once thought of leaving the circus and setting himself up for children’s parties but after talking to some clown colleagues who were in the kids party business he decided against it. It was a completely different world from that of the circus where the children were with their families and controlled by the seating arrangements in the big top. With parties the kids ran wild, pumped up on sugar and excitement, they were not as civilised as they appeared in the big top. Pallos had heard stories of child handled wigs, pulled red noses and constantly sticky big shoes. Over-sized novelty shoes were enough trouble to walk in without the extra problem of them sticking to the ground all the time so he decided that the big top was a better bet.

As Pallos walked along he passed the trailer of Strongman John where there would always be a few circus folk unwinding after the show. Pallos could hear muffled laughter and someone plucking on a guitar. He sighed at the thought of the night that lay ahead for them and more importantly the morning that they would have in store. The circus was moving on. This would involve an early rise to pack away the equipment and then a long drive to the next town. Pallos had done his share of those mornings in his early days with the circus and didn’t look back on them fondly. He had a little sympathy for the occupants of that trailer and continued on his way.

It was on these moving nights that Pallos felt at his lowest. It was the idea that in less than a day the little village the circus folk had erected would disappear. Pallos always thought of what they set up as a village. After all it had a central building in the big top, vendors selling their various foods and goods, and it had dwellings and other such facilities. There was a community spirit in the cirrus which added to the village feeling as far as Pallos was concerned. When it came time to take it all down Pallos felt like he was tearing down the good times. Leaving nothing behind him but some memories in the townsfolks minds. Memories that would become jumbled and fade as the time wore on until the next circus came to town to leave them with new memories. It always left him feeling temporary, something that just passed through without making any lasting mark. This was not a good way to feel as the laugher faded.

Pallos got to the front of this trailer and looked at it. This was his home, and had been since he had gotten it 7 years ago when he had taken a position with this circus. Now that he thought about it there was nothing in that trailer that he’d miss if it were to go up in smoke. No pictures and no mementos. Pallos stopped to think. He thought about tearing down the circus in the morning, he thought about the emptiness, the crushing lows when the laughter stopped and how it was harder and harder to come out of them. Pallos thought finally about how long he could manage to keep living like this before it all became too much. Pallos the clown turned away from his trailer and left the circus in search of the laughter.

Sporting Consequences

2009-03-23T23:29:00.002+02:00

So we’ve had a massive weekend in the sporting arena. The historic winning of a Grand Slam and having our first world boxing champion in over a decade. These achievements were described as momentous which as everyone knows means that it’ll be hugely significant for future events. All this gushing about the momentum which will be created by our double sporting success got me thinking about what repercussions they would bring about.

A spike in birth rates around Christmas time.

You’d also imagine that there will be an influx of Brians, Pauls, Ronans and Bernards coming into the population.

A surge in sales of Hunky Dorys as people try to capture that Buffalo strength.

A surge in dentist visits as crisps are worse for your teeth than sweets, it’s the potato starch apparently.

A preposterous amount of ads to hit our televisions featuring the words, “Grand” “Slam” or “Champions”. Such as Nutri-grain advising us that their bars will give “Hunger the Grand Slam”

Rugby accessory sales will sky rocket.

Colour-blind people will continue to wear Munster jerseys to matches against Wales in the mistaken belief that this sort of tribalism makes them more Irish.

The next generation of Irish will become known for broken noses, following a surge in participation in boxing and rugby.

This is turn will give the plastic surgery a shout in the arm as the bent nose masses will seek corrections to look good for their wedding photos.

The Search for Food

2009-03-22T21:41:00.002+02:00

Socks the cat stood on the window sill and peered into the kitchen. There was no one inside. He tried purring a few times to see if that might attract someone but no one came. Damn them he thought to himself. Where are they? I’m hungry and there’s nothing in my bowl out here. I’ll have to go and see what I can find for myself. With a single graceful step Socks was down from the windowsill and on the ground making his way to the back of the garden. He scampered up the wall and when he got the to top paused while he licked his paws and thought about which direction to go. He turned left and hopped up onto the roof of a shed and continued his journey along the top of their fence and out to the street side of the houses. Socks was not to keen on being on this side of the house. He had never gotten use to the noise coming from the fast beasts which sped up and down the front of the houses. Though they mainly seemed to travel in straight lines he had occasionally seen them turn and go into peoples gardens. He was always weary that one would try this in his garden and he would find himself trapped. He hopped down from the wall and went in behind the neighbours bushes where he had a long around to see if there was anything to play with or to eat or preferably both. Unfortunately there was nothing hiding away there to feed or amuse him.

Socks hopped over the wall back to his own garden and slipped under the side gate to bring back around to the back of his house. There was a bird sitting on the roof of the shed and so Socks spent some time watching the bird in the hope that it might take up a position which was more susceptible to a quick ground strike but after a few minutes of being washed the bird decided to fly away. Another dinner gone thought Socks to himself. Maybe I’ll go lie in the sunny corner of the garden for a while. Get some warmth on my fur. It’s not as if there’s anything else going on.

As Socks lay in the sun he allowed himself to wonder where the humans were and why there was no food in his bowl. They were a decent enough bunch of humans, regular when it came to food but every once in a while they won’t be around when he expected them to be around and he was forced to go hungry eventually though they’d turn up. Socks just had to be sure that he was around when they did. As Socks was following this line of thought a bird landed in the garden near the berries which were grown by the humans. The bird hesitantly hopped towards the berries which were just coming into season. Socks saw a chance for a bit of fun and began to stalk the bird. He crept along garden being careful to be as quiet as he could so as not to startle the bird. Socks got in the position where he was just about to leap one of the humans bundled into the garden on his bike and scared the bird away with his noise.Socks looked angrily at the human who understanding what had gone on said.
-Sorry Socks, I’ll get you some Milk now as way of compensation.

The Cats Wander.

2009-03-08T00:37:00.004+02:00

Socks steeped out the window and sniffed out the day. With a quick leap he was no the ground and walking towards the back of the garden. His progress was unsteady as he stopped to smell and paw at various objects that were scattered on the ground, stones and nuts. When he reached the back of the garden he took a seat on a mound of turf and surveyed his surroundings. The sun shown down on the garden and warmed the fur on Sock's back. The odd bird flying over head caught his eye but none of them landed in the garden, denyinh him the chance to practise his hunting skills. He had been frustrated earlier in the morning when he had been sneaking up on an unsuspecting Robin when the human who made the warm fires had bundled out into the garden and scared the bird away. Socks had yet to catch a bird, they moved to quickly but he felt he was going to get this bird.

Socks wondered what to do with himself. The inside was no longer a nice place to be. The horrible sucking thing was out. Making it's unworldly droning sound as the human pushed it's head around the floor. The noise of the thing had disturbed socks from his nap and now he was out here trying to shake off the sleepiness. He stood up and stretched. As he did so a voice from behind him called out.
-Hey Socks, how's it going?
Standing on the wall behind him was his buddy Groucho. Socks looked at him for a minute before answering, wondering was he here for food or did he actually have something to do.
-Nothing. Just relaxing in the sun.
Cat pride prevented Socks from admitting that he had been spooked into leaving his nice comfortable chair inside.
-Ah I see, feel like going for a little wander?
-Why not?

The two cats set off behindthe wall where the order humans tried to keep on nature disappeared. The terrain was more suitable for cats than the flat open grass the humans looked after. There were branches scattered on the ground from the trees above. These combined with the long, uncut grass which sprung up gave the new cats amble places to take cover and slink along looking for something to amuse them. Amusement was the reason Socks had been stalking the cat earlier in the day. It wasn't a matter of food. The humans kept putting out food for him which he could return to and nibble on during the day. He had wanted something to play with. Something that would offer a bit of resistance and reaction as he played with it and in the absence of any small animals the bird would have done nicely.

-So did you have anywhere in mind to go? Or you just wanted to wander on the off chance that something would come up?
-Ah I figured we could head along down here for a while, small things might be out and about looking for their dinner.
-And you probably thought that we could use them for our dinner?
-Ah well if we should come across anything to snack on I wouldn't turn it down.
That was if Groucho all over, always thinking of his stomach. Groucho was one fat cat. He didn't so much walk as waddle along. He was an older cat than Socks, a lot longer in the neighbourhood and as a result a lot more respected among the greater catmmunity. Socks by contrast was quite young and still possessed of a more youthful figure. He quickly bounded over the ground. Often getting a bit ahead of Groucho and pausing to wait for him. He didn't mind the slow progress that they made. Socks, like the overwhelming majority of cats, was blessed with patience. He waited for Grocho to make his way to him and would then take off again.

The next time he stopped he looked back and saw the Groucho had been cut off by three cats. Socks recognised one of them as Tubs who had a problem with Groucho for quite some time. Their territory overlapped on each other and there had been minor skirmishes between the two in the past. Groucho had always come out on top before but he was getting on a bit and Tubs had a couple of years on him. Socks knew it was only a matter of time before Tubs got the better of him in a fight which was not something Socks wanted to see. Tubs was a mean cat and been used to passing through Socks garden before Socks had been let out into it. He was happy to see food being left into the garden but not happy to see another cat in there. Things could have gotten ugly between Socks and Tubs had Groucho not come to move Tubs on. Since then Socks and Groucho had been hanging around together. Groucho offered protection around the neighbourhood and Socks gave Groucho his youthful energy catching things and bringing them back to Groucho for play or food or both. Socks bounded back to where Groucho was facing Tubs in time to hear Groucho say
-Doesn't matter what you think Tubs, it's how it goes. You'll just have to stay within the three gardens you got at the moment. Socks garden stays as Socks garden, of course you always welcome to go out to the road on the other end of your stretch. No cats laying claim to any part of that road.
-Now you listen to me, I was in and out of that garden long before that white footed freak you hang with was littered, why should I stay out now that's he hanging in there?
-Because there his people inside and you know how it goes. We don't mess with the way they set out the territory. You start fighting with other cats over home gardens then the humans going to get anxious anytime they see a strange cat in their gardens. Starting hassling all of us and we don't need that.
-Nah I think you using that as a front. You like having Socks in that garden because it puts a friendly cat between you and me. Creates kind of a buffer zone between us. Gives you a little peace in your old age. Little bit of protection to sooth you in your old age.
-Now you listen to me, I've no fear of you. I've given you two beatings in the past and I can certainly hand you out another one anytime you feel up to taking it.
With that Tubs sprung for Groucho. Groucho step back on his two hind paws and released a stinging strike with his right front paw. The blow sent Tubs flying off course and before he had regained his senses Groucho was on top of him. His paws fell in a blur taking chunks of fur away from Tubs's body.
Tubs wriggled free and bolted off. His two companions after him.
Groucho shook himself after his exertions turned to Socks and said,
-Now lets go find something to eat.

Depositors Associations

2009-03-04T22:42:00.000+02:00

Recently I’ve been seeing a lot of ads from banks seeking deposits from customers. Obviously we’re all aware of way the banks are suddenly trying to take our money in for safekeeping as opposed to the more recent practise of lending it out for accumulation and it’s not for the good of our household finances. They need the money. This got me thinking that this is an opportunity for the ordinary depositor to readdress the balance of power in their relationship with the banks.
As anyone who has taken out any sort of a banking product knows there are reams of terms and conditions involved in giving a bank your money. I propose that savers start to come up with terms and conditions for the bank to sign before handing over money. They’ll have to be quite extensive in order to give our money the fullest possible amount of protection. They should cover topics such as what the bank can and can not use the money for, detailing the different types of investments and loans that we would be happy to for the banks to use our investment for. We could redraw the liquidity ratio by stipulating what amount of our money we would be happy for the bank to lend out and what amount we wish that they keep on deposit. This would have the dual benefit of providing peace of mind for depositors and annoying chief bankers who are forced to look at the money that they have but are unable to use.

We could impose a penalty structure for the mismanagement of our funds and purpose that the methods for calculating the interest rate paid to us are more beneficial for the depositor.

Now obviously this isn’t going to be something that we are going to be able to achieve as individuals. We’ll need to band together and form some sort of a savers association. I think that membership should be quite open for this association, it would be a shame if such a noble spirited concept was to become a vehicle for the few and the wealthy to increase their lot, and so anybody with a fiver up to deposit should be able to join up. I’m setting the fiver floor as I don’t want to be dealing with coins. There will be a need for an open and transparent way of choosing where the money will be invested and how the organisation is to be represented. All of which are details which can be hammered out in the early meetings of the organisation. Given the current anger in the country towards bankers I think that this is the right time to channel this anger into something productive and useful.--

Eauman

2009-02-25T21:43:00.002+02:00

I’m sure everyone has heard this story
But I feel I need to tell it again.
This tall tale of power and glory
And a hero of gill and fin

It was a deep blue day
In fish city central
And all the schools were on their way
To pick at plankton which was plentiful

When all of a sudden trouble came
In the shape of Sid the Squid, a nasty octped,
Who was looking to cause some pain
He’d shoot his ink and he’d aim for the head
And some poor fish would never be the same.

Sid said to the fishizens of fish city
Hand over all you precious plankton
And if you don’t it’ll be a pity
Cause I’ll shoot out my ink like a fountain.

When out of nowhere a figure did appear
That green and gold hero: Eauman.
The habitants of fish city lost their fear
And Sid just thought “this is not in my plan”

Sid and Eauman faced off against each other
In a fierce battle which rocked the ocean
Sids eight hands were giving Eauman bother
But he weaved and swerved, a wave of motion
Sending Sid sideway and backward
Searching for his foe
But Sid just found, his reward
When Aquaman landed a terrific blow
Sid let out a terrible moan
And headed back to his underwater home

Lenten Sacrifices

2009-02-25T21:41:00.002+02:00

As I mentioned in an earlier piece I've not given up anything for lent and this led to feelings of guilt, which I explored in greater detail eariler, so with guilt comes rationalising my decsion and a solid list of reasons why not to bother giving anything up.

I gave up drink for January and have no wish to give it up for another 40 days and nights.

I'm competing in a cook off where desserts are going to be served, I would be unable to give a fully informed vote if I were abstaining from sweet items.

The lenten sacrifice had a practical side, like most religous practises. In olden times the food would have been harvested around autumn and so come spring the people fasting would make the crops last longer. My food supplies are not low.

I'm against organised religon, I believe it has corrupted the ideas it stands for, and if I were to observe lent I would be a hypocrypte.

In these grim times the economy can't afford people to be giving up their vices.

I use most of my self control fighting the urge to hit collegues, if I were to have to excersise self control over resisting my vices something would snap and the repcurssions would be huge and ugly.

Connected to the above, I'm too fluffy looking for prison.

I'd probably fail so there's no point trying.

I think these are more than enough reasons, whatever about their strengths, to safely get through the next 40 days without worrys.

Catholic Guilt

2009-02-25T21:38:00.002+02:00

As I write this I feel slightly bloated from pancakes, which has left me with a rather lazy bloated feeling. It’s also got me thinking about the possibility of giving up something for lent which is something I haven’t done for a few years. I’m actually struggling to think of the last time I gave up anything for lent. I’ve been safely able to rule out the last four years, before that it’s a bit hazy but I would hazard a guess that I haven’t made a Lenten sacrifice this century. This realisation got me feeling a little bit guilty until I thought about the guilt and realised that it was misplaced, or something to that affect. I’m about as far from a practising Catholic as you can get without getting unbaptized, you contact the church you were baptized in and get yourself removed from the register apparently. Apart from Christmas, funerals and weddings I haven’t been to mass since I was about sixteen, when I do go I don’t take communion, confession is a distant memory to me and I only observe two saints days, one in a nationalistic way and the other as an excuse to get out of the house.

So where’s the guilt come from? Is it something that I’m going to have to deal with on a semi-regular basis over the course of my life. A hangover from my Catholic upbringing, even though when I think about I would never have thought my upbringing to be overtly Catholic but perhaps that’s the genius of the whole system is that you don’t realise just how much it gets to you. I remember having a similar discussion with a Finnish friend who observed that Irish people don’t realise just how messed up the Catholic Church has made us and she’s probably right. The church comes in for a fair bit of ridicule, Father Ted springs to mind, but the very fact that it’s such a big target for satire is the fact that it holds a prime position of power of the culture of the country.

Some examples, this morning Phantom was having people text in detailing what they were planning to give up for lent and getting a decent amount of genuine replies. I would guess that if other radio stations in Europe whose main demographic was 20-30 year olds the replies would not have been quite as eager.

We seem to pay more attention to the rights of children when there unborn than their rights when they are born. The very mention of abortion provokes huge debate and emotion, and understandably so, but we live in a country where a Catholic Group thinks its ok to pay the legal bills of a mother who was abusing her children in the name of the family unit. Incidentally I find it amazing that there was no pressure to get the name of this group out in the public domain so that they could face questions over their actions which I find as morally repugnant as anything the “Golden Circle” has done.

We require a dispensation to celebrate our national day, as it falls during lent. I believe there’s been comedy sketches done on this subject so I won’t go into it in much detail other than to comment that it highlights the clash been our traditional fondness for a pint and our traditional piety in wonderful terms.

There’s also the fact that this piece was suppose to be a list of reasons why I’m not giving up anything for lent but it turned into a little rant on the influence of the church.

The God Complex

2009-02-24T21:17:00.002+02:00

It's going to be a good day, he thought to himself as he looked in the mirror. That speaker, Brian, had suggested that he try to think that at the start of every day and see where it got him. Brians theory was that people, all people, have a God complex which results in a desire to always prove themselves right. Hence the common occurance of a person hitting his toe first thing in the morning, thinking that it's going to be one of those days and then discovering at days end that it has been one of those days.

He'd thought most of the stuff Brian had come out with had been positive feeling, touchy feely crap which might have been alright for Americans but was a bit sugary for most Irish people. A race who's emotional setting very rarely moved from "I'm grand".

He was willing to take one thing away from the course though, it wasn't a course that he would have signed up for himself, but work thought it would help improve customer satisfaction ratings so he was sent along on it. The one thing that he was going to take away from it was that mo matter what sort of a sleepy head he had on him, no matter what demons were hanging around from the night before, he'd tell himself every morning that it was going to be a good day. Who knows? He might even prove himself right.

His new found optimism suffered it's first test when he discovered that the cup he had chosen for his morning beverage had cracked resulting in the unwelcome meeting of black coffee and beige trousers. It's just a small moment, he thought to himself, as he trudged back upstairs to change his trousers. The day is made up of multiple moments. One bad one does not a bad day make.

The morning past by in uneventful bliss. Jobs got done and new tasks were handed down. It was just before lunch when he faced his second trial. In anticipation of a nice lunch he had stretched out his legs and pulled the power cord at the back of his computer out losing his mornings work in the process. God damn it, he thought to himself, that is unfortunate. Still at least I'll be kept busy for the afternoon and five will fly in.

Five did indeed fly in and he left the office in a decent mood. The third trial of his optimism came when he got home and looked in the fridge. There was nothing there but half an onion, a soft avacado, a few cherry tomatoes and half a jar of pesto. There was also a small bit of pasta sitting on the shelf. Urgh, he thought to himself, no meat. Still it's a chance to experiement.

Hmm, he thought to himself as he chewed on a lovely meal. It has been a good day. Having a God complex isn't half bad.

The Kitchen Folk

2009-02-22T00:07:00.002+02:00

Darkness was creeping into the house. Signalling as it advanced across the kitchen the end of human activity for the day. Very soon the Kitchen Folk would begin their night discussion.

The discussion would commence when the clock, which sat at the end of the corridor leading to the kitchen, chimed eleven times, a sure sign that all the humans had gone to bed. A light that was not easy to observe with the slow dimming of the light as the Nordic days lengthened with the approach of summer.

Once the clock chimed protocol had that the Soup Ladle, who with the efficiency acquired thorough the serving of countless lunches, would open proceedings with a brief recap of the conclusions arrived at the night before. The consensus arrived at the previous night was that the humans were being very tardy in having the jug which the little one had broken replaced.

Once last night had been rehashed the various kitchen folk recounted their observations from the day gone by. The breakfast bunch, who were represented by Daddy Bowl began the discussion of the day. Daddy Bowl reported, with the solemmness of one who had seen people face the reality of another day for thousands of days, that breakfast had passed in its usual solemn silence.

The lunch lads, who were represented by the Frying Pan, followed the breakfast bunch in the detailing of the day. The Frying Pan spoke with a hiss and told the rest of the kitchen folk how the not so little but not so big one had been present at lunch, which was unusual. In addition to this a big fuss was made over some new shiny objects on his teeth.

The final meal group of the day, the dinner set, were represented by Mama Casserole dish. Mama reported, in her warm and wholesome manner, that dinner was its usual hullabaloo of activity. She also stated that the wine glasses had not been brought out for dinner. The wine glasses spoke up at this point with their usual complaint that their were not truly represent by Mama Casserole Dish. They fancied themselves as special as they were housed in a special cabinet and rarely used. They were hushed by the kettle, in his capacity as moderator of the discussion, and reminded that they were classed as dinner and until a new system of representation was voted on they would be represented by Mama Casserole Dish. This silenced the wine glasses who no doubt hoped that their nightly interruptions would result in them being awarded their own representation in the next system reclassification.

Finally it was the turn of those folk who belong to no meal but are of all meals. They were represented by the chopping board. However just as she was about to speak the clock sounded a warning chime. At the end of the corridor a human appeared. It was the little one who had been awoken by the noise of the wineglasses. A hush fell over the kitchen folk.
-Hello, he called a few times.
Behind hims was another figure. It was the big one with the soft hair.
-What are you doing down here Raido?
-I heard voices, it was the kitchen folk having their meeting.
-Ah not this again. Come on back to bed and no more of this nonsense.

Bumper the Squirrel

2009-02-21T23:50:00.002+02:00

Bumper the Squirrel ambled out along his branch. The evening was drawing in and as it did so it increased the shadows cast by the trees darkening the ground below. Bumper stopped at the end of his branch and looked around, there weren't any other squirrels in view. Normally at this time of the day the whole colony would be scampering from branch to branch harvesting nuts. The whole wood would be alive with the sound of squirrel gossip.

Today though there was an eerie silence over the wood, well it seemed eerie to a squirrel a human wouldn't have noticed the difference. Bumper knew why he was the only squirrel out, it was the rumours of the colourless squirrels that kept his fellow harvesters in trees. Over the past few days squirrels had been returning to their trees panicked and in some cases wounded. Theu clamed that their assilants had been strange squirrels whose coats lacked the healthy glow of all good squirrels. Instead their coats were faded as if all the colour, the life affirming rosiness of a squirrel had been washed out of them.

The stories that were spread detailed the meaness of these squirrels. Without the redness, indicating the warmness of the squirrel soul, they had no concept of squirell etiquette, first to the nut gets the nut. These squirrels attacked should they come across a nut harvesting squirrel.

Bumper however was not scared off by these stories. He had acquired his name from his childhood habit of bumping his siblings around. He had always been the biggest and stringest among his squirrel group. He had decided to go out to find these strange squirrels and run the from his trees. His families trees. Bumper set off into the night with a spring in his tail.

He returned the next day, a broken squirrel. All he would say was:
-Their eyes; as colourless as their coats.

Currentainment

2009-02-21T23:49:00.001+02:00

Another week of doom and gloom around. Strikes are looming, new crises abound in the Financial industry and everything is being cut. Things have gotten so tight in RTE that they are making the newscasters stand for the 6:1 news, it’s surely only a matter of time before some realises that it would be cheaper just to broadcast a webfeed of the BBC news. Trade Unions have become popular again, as you walk around Dublin keep you eye for the amount of union posters stuck up around the place and you’ll see what I mean.

I could go on with a detailed discussion of how bad things are and how much worse they are likely to get but anyone with access to a computer has already done this and I’d hate to be only adding to the noise. Instead I thought I’d offer some suggestions to RTE as to how to changes in direction they might consider taking with their coverage of the whole recession thing. The whole straight up reporting thing is getting old, shorter attention spans and the return of the Champions League will surely contribute to declining viewer numbers over the coming months. I think they should think about programme fusion. With a couple of tweaks their current affairs programmes could become quiz shows. Questions and Answers already has the title right. With simple addition of a public voting mechanism at the end of the show voter figures and interaction would sky rocket. The public could vote on who they felt gave the best answers to the questions posed to them. RTE could offer free advertising slots as an enticement for the guests to ensure they put their heart and soul into their answers. Now as there are requirements for RTE to be fair in the amount of time they offer to various sides in political broadcasts they could balance up the time given for the Questions and Answers winner by showing an ad featuring bloopers by the prize winner, something along the lines of them falling asleep in the Dail or dropping a baby they were trying to kiss on the campaign trail.

Prime Time while not having the immediately obvious quiz show title as it’s stable mate is already going Quiz show in it’s style. This thought struck me as I watched a report a couple of weeks ago on the banks recapitalisation/bail-out/money down black hole scheme that’s going on at the moment. The graphics, the music and the drama are a short step to Who wants to be a Millionaire. The new form of the show could have the usual scare mongering reports that the editorial team seem rather fond of at the moment but instead of bringing out an “expert” to give his views the show could bring in members of the public to answer questions following the report. The particular member of the public could be chosen either by getting them to call in at a certain time in the show or else incorporating the scratch card selection technique used on Winning Streak, instead of needing 3 stars to get in the draw perhaps 3 pictures of Miriam O’Callhagans face would do the trick. The show could go along the following lines. A question could be posed on how high the contestant thinks the unemployment rate would rise to over the coming months, with a list of options given for them to select from. Then over the coming weeks the contestant would be brought back to update on how their predications go. This would not only ensure viewer loyalty as they become familiar with contestants but could lead to an increased knowledge of current affairs as viewers will want to keep track of how the contestants predications are keeping pace with real life developments. Given the current pace in events at the moment there would be no shortage of questions. Such as “Where will all the money go?” “Will the opposition put forward any viable alternative strategies?” “How much sleep did Cowen get last night?”

For prizes I suggest that RTE keep in mind the times we are living in and offer things such as two for the prize of one meals or money off on rethreaded tyres.

I think these changes will usher in a golden age of television where the link between news and entrainment is openly embraced.--

The Cunning Confectiner

2009-02-16T22:37:00.005+02:00

There once was a baker who's cakes were renown throughout the land as the finest cakes in the land. He became known as the Cunning Confectioner for his ability to always improve on any cake recipe.
There was much talk amongst rival bakers as to how he managed to make such tasty cakes. Many of the other bakers would send along their staff to pick up some of his goods in order that they might try and come up with a passable invitation which would boost their business but try as they might they could never get their cakes to taste as good as his.When these methods failed some of the more wealthy bakers tried to buy out the Cunning Confectioner before his ever expanding sales led to an major decline in their business, as people use to travel across the city for some of the Cunning Confectioners treats. So they offered the Cunning Confectioner money and partnerships, they offered to buy his recipes and to share their profits from the resulting sales with him. The Cunning Confectioner turned down all the offers which came his way. The Cunning Confectioner explained to all those who offered him riches that is only desire was to see the look of satisfaction on the customers faces as they bit into his creations. Compared to this daily gratification money soon lost it's lustre. Or at least that was the reason he gave for his refusal to share his secrets.
Exasperated by the Cunning Confectioners refusal to do business and driven by the fear of losing his own business one of the rival bakers decided that he would hide himself in the Cunning Confectioners kitchen in order to get a glimpse at the great man at work and in the process observe how he made such exceedingly good cakes. The only problem was how to get into the kitchen. The Cunning Confectioner was notioursly strict when it came to access to his kitchen. The confectioner himself seemed to be the only one who went in or out of the kitchen, should the counter staff in the shop be in need of anything they had to put a note requesting their order through a slot in the wall.
The rival baker watched the shop for days and finally came across a way to infiltrate the kitchen. He noticed that every evening the Cunning Confectioner came out with whatever odds and ends had been left over from the day, crumbs and scraps that had been broken before the goods were ready to sell, and fed them to the birds. While the baker fed the birds the door to his kitchen was left slightly ajar. The rival baker felt that if he was quick enough he would be able to slip into the kitchen. He wasn't sure what he would do once he was inside the kitchen but had spent enough time around kitchens to be sure that there would be places for him to hide.
The evening came when the rival baker was to make his move. He stationed himself in an alley a few hops from the bakers back door and waited. He had a pack of food as he expected to be in the kitchen overnight, as the food was freshly baked he anticipated an early morning start for his spying. As usual the Cunning Confectioner came out to feed the birds. The rival baker quickly darted inside the door of the kitchen and two his surprise he found the kitchen empty. His main fear for detection would be that he would be seen by a member of the kitchen staff as he made his entrance. However he did not allow himself time to ponder this peculiarity as he set about finding himself a hiding place. There was a big basket in one corner of the kitchen which was used for storing old rags and the rival baker decided that this would be an ideal hiding place.
No sooner had the rival baker secluded himself in the basket did the Cunning Confectioner re-enter the kitchen. He locked the door behind him and went to a press on the far side of the kitchen from where the basket which the rival baker was hiding was positioned. The rival baker peered through the weaves in the basket as the Cunning Confectioner took something out the press, brought it over to his over and tapped it three times against the front of his oven. There was an eery sound and from somewhere a wind whipped up, the rival baker held his breath in his basket as he waited to see what would happen next. From out the oven came three ghostly figures. They hoovered in mid-air above the Cunning Confectioner who in a commanding voice said to them-Well we had another great day today. We will need the usual amount of stock and something special to be our cake of the day. Have a productive night work.With that the Cunning Confectioner left the kitchen and went upstairs to his living area.
The rival baker watched in amazement as the ghosts set about the kitchen preparing the food for tomorrow. The speed at which they worked was amazing to behold, They soon had enough food for the morning rush prepared. The rival baker also noticed that the baked goods never lost there heat. There was a spectral energy which seemed to help it retain it's heat. The rival baker thought to himself that he simply must get his hands on the object the Cunning Confectioner used to summon these baking spirits. If I have that I can put them to work in my kitchen and I shall be the number one baker in town.
The rival baker began to scan the kitchen for the object which the Cunning Confectioner had used to summon the spirits, he had been so mesmerised by their appearance that he had not paid attention to what the cunning confectioner had done with the object before he had left the kitchen. Peering into the gloom the rival baker noticed that from each figure there appeared to be a thin strand which led to the object the Cunning Confectioner had used to summon the spirits. The object was sitting on a small table in the corner of the kitchen. The rival baker popped of the basket and with two strides was beside the table reaching out his hand to take the object. However one of the spirits noticed the rival baker and pleaded:
-Please sir, stop.
The rival baker stopped shocked by the despair and desperation in the ghostly voice. He looked up into the face of the spirit and saw that it was the ghost of a young girl.
-I know you see the opportunity for great riches with that object but before you spirit us away with you please hear our story. We were once a family of bakers who took great pride in creating fantastic recipes. However we were in the same town as the man who owns this bakery and he grew jealous of our fame and our success. Unbeknown st to us he dabbled in the dark arts. One day he discovered a way to keep our spirits in bondage to him after our death. He killed us, moved town and since then as had us bake nightly for him. As you have guessed the key to our control is that stone circle on the table there. If you steal the circle away you will have us in your power but you will be benefit ting from an evil act.
The rival baker thought long and hard about this. He was not a highly moral man, if he was he wouldn't be in this position in the first place, but at the same time he saw problems with keeping murder souls oppressed and so he decided to leave the object where it was.
-I will not take you with me but is there away to free you from the clutches of the Cunning Confectioner?-The only way we will be free is if he eats the food that we produce but he is very careful not to. He either sells it all or feeds it to the birds. He himself only eats upstairs in his private quarters.
-I see. Tell me would it be possible for me to take something from here, perhaps that apple pie?
-Yes of course.
-Farewell spirits, I will do my best to free you from your ghastly vocation.
The next day the Cunning Confectioner opened his shop as usual, completely unaware of what had gone on the night before in his kitchen. As usual he did a bustling trade until mid way through the morning rush the rival baker burst in.
-I have done it. I have prepared a treat as good as anything in your shop Cunning Confectioner and I have come here to allow you to have a taste of the pie that is your match.
The customers went silent at this rather unexpected interruption to their morning shop.
-Ah I have heard such ideal boasts before, I doubt very much that your recipe is even a match on mine and will not sully my lips with that pie you bring before me.
-Well what if one of your customers were to have a slice and swear it to be the equal of yours, would you then have a slice.
-Well yes I have faith in the taste of my customers.
So it was that one of the Cunning Confectioners regular customers took a slice of the apple pie and declared it every bit the equal to that sold by the Cunning Confectioner. the Cunning Confectioner was so shocked by this turn of events that his usual precaution over food was forgotten and he greedily took a slice of the offered apple pie. As soon as he swallowed his first bite the building shook and there was a cry of joy from inside the kitchen. The Cunning Confectioner knew he had been tricked and turned to glare at the rival baker who returned his glare with an innocent expression.
The next day when people came to the Cunning Confectioners in the morning the shop was not open. For several days the shop remained closed until the local police were called to investigate the matter and found the Cunning Confectioner in his kitchen baked in a pastry. While he was closed his customers remembering the success the rival baker had with his apple pie went along to see if his other recipes were as good. They were delighted to discover that everything on offer in his shop was at least the equal of Cunning Confectioners. What they were not to know was that on the morning after freeing the ghosts from the Cunning Confectioner he had come down to his kitchen to find a thick book full of recipes he had never seen the like of before.

2009-02-16T22:37:00.001+02:00

So are we at a point where bad luck and love collide? If so probably be best to steer clear of the dancefloor tonight. I can see the scene now, as you spot that woman of your dreams dancing on the other side of the floor, you make eye contact with her, she doesn't break it but actually smiles back at you. Then you begin to bogey your way across the dancefloor but so rapt is your attention by this angel who is tracking your movement while attempting to appear non-caring that you fail to notice the wet patch in the middle of your path to her. What's most unfortunate is that as you are crossing over the wet patch is the moment you decide to attempt a particularly shapeful dance step which requires traction but the pool of spilled beer offers no such thing instead your supporting leg goes from under you throwing you up in the air and you land with a hard crash on your coqix. The angel on the dancefloor has burst out laughing and when you sober up you realise the pain in your ass hasn't gone away and after a quick visit to the doctor you discover you've broken that coqnix that you landed on so heavily the night before.

2009-02-12T21:19:00.000+02:00

What effect will the recent run of freezing weather we’ve had have on daffodil day? Some quick background here, daffodil day is held every March to raise money in for Cancer by selling daffodils, their usually fake plastic daffodils but the timing of the day is down to the fact that Irish landscapes are usually covered in Daffodils emitting a yellow glow which heralds the coming of spring. I thought of the fate of the daffodil this morning as I noticed the few flowers which were in my garden had disappeared after a few weeks of unrelenting snow and ice. Now obviously it’s not likely that there will be no daffodil day this year, after all their only selling plastic ones which I’m pretty sure aren’t weather dependant, but if our climate changes and we find ourselves experiencing weather like we’ve shuddered through over the past few weeks it makes one think how these annual little events and their associated plants might fare. It could seem strange to be selling daffodils in March if the ground is still bare and the flower itself is not seen until April, an extreme scenario for weather change I know but indulge me here. And what of Saint Patrick’s day, will the Irish still be able to drown the shamrock if the shamrock has been frozen into hiding. Most of the topics I’ve read on climate change, a much encompassing phrase than global warming, is bigger picture things, raising sea levels, crop devastation and so on. Big issues but perhaps too big. I want more focus on the smaller issues of climate change. The things that will annoy people in a more personal manner. For example a number of our sports have summer seasons in the hope that nicer weather will increase participation and support for the game. If the trends of the past two summers are anything to go by we may find ourselves forced to move our game back deeper and deeper into winter as public pitches are left unplayable after summer downpours. And as you move down through the levels of any sporting organisation participation becomes harder to maintain as the nights get colder. There’s also the plight of the poor dubs on the hill to be considered. A few more days like the one experienced in August against Tyrone would leave even the most tangled up in blue deciding to cut themselves loose. So we’ve heard all about the big effects of the crazy weather we’ve been having since last June if we’re honest about it. Time to start thinking of the little picture.

Days

2009-02-12T21:18:00.000+02:00

Given the fact that every day is basically the same thing, in technical terms one unit of 24 hours, in preceptive terms the time from when you wake up to when you fall asleep at night, it's strange how differing the emotions arosed by each day can be. Think of the extra spring in the step experienced on Friday as opposed to the other days in the week. Amongst people theres' little difference in how each day is precieved. I myself find Tuesday to be the worst day of the week, not really close to either weekend and not yet half way through the week. One of my collegues has always found Thursdays hard to handle, this stretches back to when she was in school and had double maths last thing. Then of course there is the usual anti Monday feeling in society at large. Aside from these regular day switches we start marking off certain days as being for certain things which can of course bring along different feelings.
This week is being particulary cruel with our emotions as we have Friday 13th followed by Valentines day. So we get to have the tredidation that something terrible may go wrong on Friday, I myself am worried by bike brakes jam as I approach that point on Amien street where the narrows and some one will open there car door without warning but I have too much time on my hands to think about things like this. Assuming we survive the 13th we then get to subject ourselves to the maelstrom of emotions which can be brought on by Valentines. Whether it's the unrelasitically high expectations of females who've wathced too much Sex in the City and the corresponding pressure felt by their unfortunate boyfriends. Then there's the distress felt by those who are unfortunate enough to believe that the day actually means something and are going through one of those natural times in life when they are not invovled with anyone. I haven't been in that position but I imagine it can be quit a depressing time, like Patricks day for recovering alcos. Patricks day by the way is the one day of the year which actually means something but only if you're Irish and are not in Ireland at the time. Otherwise it should be avoided. I digress, there is a group of people who are looking forward to Valentines day, and I don't mean happy couples, I am referring to single males. As one of my single friends informed me yesterday valetines day is the best night of the year for single males. He didn't elaborate on what he meant but I don't think it needs much deep thinking to figure out where he was coming from.
Me myself I'll be celebrating valentines day by sitting in a dark room for 4 hours with my future wife and not speaking to her. Though as she never celebrated the thing when she was growing up I feel this is more than enough for her anyway.

On Silence

2009-02-11T21:46:00.000+02:00

Don't you just hate uncomfortable silences? This question was originally posed by Mia Wallace in Pulp Fiction. I'd have to disagree with her on the point myself. I'll take a bit of silence whenever I can get, comfortable or not. What do I care if the other person is comfortable if I can enjoy my own peace. Thought the fatal flaw with her question was in the fact that if there's an uncomfortable silence it's not likely to be a true silence as the chances are the people plunged into awkward peace are in a setting where conversation is expected, a restaurent, a pub or some other social situation. Places which are truly silent, the woods or perhaps some lonely cliffs have such a strong blanket of silecne that should two people find themselves there it almost seems like a sin to break the silence. I myself spent the best part of an hour sitting on a cliff in Paldinski staring silently over the Baltic sea without muttering a word to my travelling companion.

This minor quibble aside I accept the point of Mrs Wallace's point that people feel compelled to fill silence with something, usually banal babble. There's very few occasions were people can co-exist in silence if there's even the slightest connection between them. This plague of small talk is at it's most prelevlent in offices, there's people in my office who in my mind are just spoarters of white noise, in that any brief conversation with them covers the same ground. I've noticed recenltly that if I mix up my responses it doesn't change their pre-set script even if the question they ask has been pre-empted by my answer. What's the point in this? I don't want to hear the same thing I heard yesterday and my counter parts clearly don't even take in what I'm saying. I think for these offenders I shall increase the silliness of my answers until provoke a change in their script. I would urge everyone else to do the same, if you find yourself in a conversation that you've been in before change it up and make the whole experience more memorable.

Final finals

2008-02-05T21:02:00.000+02:00

Final finals, time to go.
Get your stuff and say so
Long. What kept you here is gone
So why don’t you stop playing that old song.

Get your stuff and say so
What? There’s many another row
So why don’t you stop playing that old song,
The chorus is all wrong.

Still, there’s many another row
About who said what and how
The chorus is all wrong
In this tragedy which expounds upon

Who said what and how
We came to where we are now
In this tragedy which expounds upon
The details of our conclusion

We came to where we are now
Long ago. What kept you here is gone.
Like the details of our conclusion.
Final finals, time to go.

2008-02-05T20:45:00.000+02:00

Is all this just being paranoid
Fear leaves the mind destroyed
The chimes and ticks of the clock
Always forcing a stop to take stock

Fear leaves the mind destroyed
Unable to react; become annoyed
Always forcing a stop to take stock
Of every slight and little knock

Unable to react, become annoyed
Leaving the mind increasingly employed
By every slight and little knock
The words of those who mock

Leaving the mind increasingly employed
Where once was a spark; now a void
Filled with the words of those who mock
Anything that strays from the flock

Where once was a spark; now a void
The chimes and ticks of the clock
Filled with the words of those who mock
Is all this just being paranoid?

Saaremaa

2005-12-04T20:40:00.000+02:00

The summer was ticking away and the chance to see one of Estonia's islands in bearable conditions was slipping away. With this in mind I spent the week planning a trip to Saaremaa for me, Kaidi, Clint and Nico, a former AIESEC trainee who was visiting Estonia for the week. Myself Clint and Nico met up outside Cafe Moscow to pick up her rental car. There were some doubts in our mind about how legit our car would be seen as we were picking it up from a car park but it was cheap so who were we to complain. Anyway we signed so many forms that it felt legit enough. After a quick stop off in my place to get the guidebook we picked up Kaidi and hit the road. We drove for about 15 minutes before stopping to eat in this random place we found on the way out of Tallinn.
Once the meal was out of the way he ended of for Virtsu were we would catch the boat to Saaremaa. The journey passed away smoothly enough, only missing one turn due to some miscommunication between Clint who was driving and Kaidi who was navigating. However when we got to Virtsu we hit traffic. This Kaidi explained to us was the queue for the boat. We missed the seven boat and had to wait around for the 8 one. We spent this time taking a short walk around the pier, there wasn't much to see or rolling up in the car till we finally made our way onto the boat for the short crossing to Saaremaa or so I thought. As it transpired there is another small island, Muhu, beside Saaremaa which we would have to cross first before driving across a bridge between the two islands. So we were getting two islands for the price of one.
It was pretty late at this stage and I was worried about our beds being given away but also we were worried about not being able to get any booze so we stopped off at the first supermarket we saw and picked up a few bottles before heading towards our accomadtion. Which was a little place in Krussare the main town in Saaremaa. I had the address written down and after a couple of wrong turns we found our way there. Fortunatly our bed hadn't been given away but we were less fortunate when it came to the use of the sauna which we were told was turned off for the night.
We dumped our stuff there and headed back into the town to grab a bite to eat and check out the nightlife. Kaidi took us into this place which doubled up as a nightclub and a resturent. All the tables were taken and we were beginning to wonder what we would do for food, it was past midnight by this stage, when we were told that there was a private room down the back of the bar which they would let us into. Feeling very don like we accepted their offer and were escorted into a room were you might well imagine Tony Soprano having a sit down with some of his business assoicates. The service and the food were befitting the setting and it wasn't long before we were well fed. None of us were particulary feeling up for a night out and so we headed down back to our cabin for beer and poker. Well the three lads poker and Kaidi feigned interest for a while before going to bed.
The next day we woke relativly early before going sightseeing. First up we went to the islands castle and I'm talking about a proper castle. It had a moat, a drawbridge, one of those dropgates. Inside was just as impressive were we saw the spot were the castle owner, a bishop no less, use to throw his prisoners to the lions he kept in the castles depths. Out in the grounds of the castle there was some archery set up so I gave it a go before deciding that I wouldn't have been much good in medival warfare.
After the castle we just drove around the island, which is pretty much untouched apart from the roads. There was nothing but forests all around us. At one stage we just turned off the road and took a little walk through the woods. Just a small walk as some in the group were worried about what they might stand in while they were walking. Theres vipers on the island apparently. So we headed back to the car and drove out to a cliff face were the islanders use to throw children off in their pagan ceremonies. At this point there was one of those big wooden swings that seem to be all over Estonia. Myself and Nick got on one with a couple of kids. We were going for a while when Nick got bored and lifted his legs up. As the swing swung Nick stayed were he was almost taking the head of the kid on the other side, he figured he was definitly going to take the head off him on his way back and so he let go and hit the ground before being caught square on the face by the swing which threw him five feet in the air causing the kids, Kaidi, myself and Clint to crack up laughing. Nick was a bit shaken by the whole event but grand overall.
After this we decided the sacfrice sight wasn't going to be anymore entairning and so we headed off for a the sight of a metor sight, the largest one in northern Europe. When we got there we found a pretty big crater. So we stood around ther for a while talking about the damage that a metor could do, there were 14 other smaller holes around the area so we figured if one was to smack into a city it would do some serious damage. Not the most unique of thoughts but we were tired.
The day was drawing to a close at this stage and so we headed back to the boat, Nick having to catch an early flight from Tallinn the next morning. We had no problems with queues this time and caught the first boat back to the mainland were we had an uneventful drive back to Talinn.

Riga, finally

2005-08-17T11:46:00.000+03:00

After numerous failed attempts I was pretty sure that this time I would be getting to Riga, after all I had gone and brought the bus tickets the night before. Even the fact that I awoke with a vicous rum hangover didn't deter me. However about five minutes after I left my house I realised that I had left my passport sitting on the windowsill, where I had put it so I won´t forget it as I left the house.
After turning around to sprint back to my house and then to make it back to the bus stop I saw the bus I needed to catch pulling away from the bus stop. I was forced to sit out a nervous 20 minutes waiting for a bus and looking for a cab while cursing my hangover. Typically there were no taxis available and eventually the bus showed up. I spent the whole over-crowded sweaty bus journey looking at a watch belonging to this old guy and hoping that it was fast. The thought that I was cursed when it came to Riga begun to cross my mind but luckly when I arrived the bus was still there waiting, as was Clint who just looked and me and said:
-Dude, what the fuck?
Once the explanation was out of the way we boarded the bus and I attempted and succeded in getting some sleep. Waking up to use the worst bathroom in the world. The stink hit my nostrils as soon as I was within five paces of the door and once I got inside I was forced to hold my breath while I pissed in a flithty hole in the ground, if I had been a bit more awake I would have used my common sense and gone behind one of the trees that surrounded the toilet, at least the air would have been a bit fresher.
After this it was back on the bus till we got to Riga. Once we were at the bus station we had to find Katrina who was going to be our hostess for the weekend. This was to prove a bit difficult as we had never met her before. We had been put in contact with her by some girl he had met at an AIESEC reception weekend in Vilinus way back in April. After wandering around for a few minutes trying to spot people who looked like they might be waiting for someone. Which is pretty much everyone at a bus station. We eventually saw a group of people with an AIESEC sign and so we figured that they must be for us.
After some brief introductions we were taken to an AIESEC office in the college of management to dump our bags before we were taken to Lidoland for some food. After sitting on a bus for about five hours nursing the hangover I was dying for some proper food and Lido was no let down. A nice self service system with a huge slection which ensured that I spent about ten minutes deciding what I´d like to eat. Eventually I decided to go for some soup, potato straws, salmon, mashed potatoe and some pork. I may have overdone it a bit as I wasn't quite able to finish my mash but its important to learn lessons about your limits.
After dinner we headed back into town to pick up our bags. It was getting towards the time when the alochal stores would be closed so after getting our bags we did a bit of beer shopping
Meaning I had now brought beer in all three baltic states. Once we had these essentials we took a bus back to Kristiins place. Once there we dumped our stuff in the various bedrooms we'd been assigned before taking our beer down to the beach.
We made the mistake of not opening our beer bottles before we left with the result that Clint sliced his thumb open when he tried to open his bottle once we were outside the building. So we waited while he was taken upstairs by Kristine to do some dressing. Once Clint had been bandaged up we headed down to the beach where we admired what stars we could see through the clouds in the sky. We played in a playground that we had found on the beach before heading home.
When we got home I let the fatigue which had been fighting me on the beach win and headed off to bed.
The next day we woke at about noon to a blue sky and so after some breakfast we headed back into the centre for some sightseeing. However by the time we arrived in the centre the blue sky had turned into the dull gray that preceeds rain and sure enough after about an hour of wandering around Rigas mightly impressive old town the rain started. We decided to just this misfortune as an excuse to get some coffee and read a newspaper, Clint brought a USA Today, I decided not to bother with the Guardian as I'd read all the articles that were of interest to me online before breakfast. After a couple of coffees we decided that the rain wasn't going to ease off and so we decided to head back out and brave the condiations. Fortunatly for me the the poncho which I had brought at the Viljandi folk festival was still in my bag and so I was kept realativly dry. As we wandered around the old town streets getting wet we decided that this would be an excellant time to go and check out the view from St. Peters Church, which promised to be nice and dry. After standing in line for the lift for about ten minutes, the woman in charge of the queue was only going to let two of the three of us up at once but decided to let the three of us as Kristine only counted as half a person according to her. we arrived up to find the view had been obscured by bars after one poor soul had thrown himself from the spire.
Once we left the church we did a bit more wandering around and Clint brought himself an umbrealla, the rain was really getting that bad. It was really beginning to spoil my enjoyment of Riga, no matter how nice the buildings are its hard to look up at them if you keep getting water in your eyes. After another hour of walking we decided that we were hungry enough to go to Lido for dinner where again we stacked our plates high with food.
After dinner we had enough of the rain and decided to go and see Charlie and the Chocolate factory which we all throughly enjoyed. Once the movie was over Kristine headed off home leaving me and Clint to enjoy our night out, giving us detailed instructions on how to get home before she left.
First up Clint and myself headed back towards the centre where we came across the freedom monument which we were going to use as our landmark. We headed back in the direction of what we thought was the bars were. As it was still pissing rain we went into the first bar we came across. The beer I'd had in the cinema had flitered it's way through my system by this stage so while Clint waited for the beers I asked the waiter were the toilet was and he pointed me across the square to the public toilets. At first I thought he was joking but soon realised that in fact he was being serious so I headed off in that direction. When I got there I saw there was a queue but one of the toilets was free so I opened the door. I'm not normally easily shocked but what I saw in front of me was disgusting. The walls were covered with blood and probably a bit of shit the toilet itself was overflowing with paper and water. I closed the door and joined the queue for the other toilets.
We didn't stay too long in that bar deciding to make a bit of a pub crawl of the night. Next up we hit an Irish bar were we caught the second half of South Africa Vs New Zealand. We were sitting under a painting in the bar which promised that anyone who could name all the people in the bar would win a very keg of beer. We guessed all but three of them, Phil Lynott was there, Rory Gallagher, Elvis, John Lennon and others of that ilk. As we were paying our bill we asked the waitress who the other three were. One was Stalin in his youth before he grow his bread, and the other two were the owner of the bar and his best friend. We were not happy with that. The next bar on our crawl was a strange place. Upstairs was a karokee, bad karokee and downstairs there was some hardcore rave going on. Again we stayed there for one pint and headed off in search of a new place. The next place we found was posh as fuck and we were paying for the poshness, the beer was three times as expsensive as any other bar we'd been in. We danced badly there for a while before going off in search of a proper nightclub.
We found one just around the corner, there were some Brits outside getting into a cab with a gaggle of birds who recommended the place to us. We figured that if a lot of stag partiers could pull in there or chances shouldn't be too bad so we paid the cover charge and headed in. On our way in we were handed a card which I stuck in my pocket without too much thought. The club itslef was pretty slick. There were too rooms, one playing house music and the other was specializing in R&B. Plenty of seats and little corners to chill out in. Having fully explored the place I headed to the bar to wet my whistle. When I tried to pay with cash they wouldn't let me and kept saying card to me. At first I thought they wanted me to pay with credit card, which I didn't mind as I was pissed at this stage and just wanted a drink. However when I tried to produce my card they wouldn't accept that either. It was only then that I understood they wanted the card in my back pocket. We would have to pay on the way out. This seemed to me like a particulary dangerous idea. Without the limit of running out of cash I might drink copious amounts and face a huge bill on my way out. Which is pretty much what happened. I left the club a little bit before Clint having got bored with dancing and just wanting a proper pint, they only had bottles there, I told him to meet me in one of the bars we'd been in before. When I was trying to pay for my drinks on the way out my card wasn't being accepted by the clubs machine. After losing the rag with the girl manning, sorry womanning, the machine I was escorted to the side by a branwy bouncer and told to wait for the manager. The manager came down and was a lot more understanding than either the girl or the bouncer had been. Also he seemed to have a defter touch with the credit card machine and was able to get my card read on the third go. It was only when I got back to the other bar for a pint that I realised I had plently of Lats in my pocket and there had been no need for all that hassle.
I had just put beer to my mouth when Clint walked in. We had a quick point before heading off to catch the bus home, well our home in Riga. As we were walking along we passed a little cafe. Since my stomach was growling I decided to call in and see what they had. To my delight I discovered there was some stew like concoction going on which I immeaditly ordered and devoured.
Once I had been fed we found our way to the bus and managed to make it back to the flat without anymore problems.
The next day was spent with some more wandering around the old town before a final trip to Lido and then onto the bus to sleep all the way to Tallinn

Penthouse Party

2005-08-15T13:27:00.000+03:00

Clint recieved a text message from some number he didn't know inviting him to a penthouse party on Wednesday evening. As the address was beside Nimeta we headed into town to check it out. I met up with Clint and Raido in Guitar Safri for a quick pint before going on to the party.
When we entered the place it quickly became clear that the average female age was 17 while the male average would have been closer to 30. Raido found the whole thing to be quite amusing after coming from Poland where he stood out because he spoke English to come to a party where all the girls were impressed by the foreigners.
There was some vodka in a box on offer for the guests but I was stilling feeling the affects from Raidos return the night before and took to sipping on a couple of beers and watching the americans in the room get more and more hammered. We also found out the host was someone we met at the rooftop party a few weeks previously.
While I was talking about Cricket to this aussie that I know this girl he knew intruppted us and started talking about how stupid everyone else was and how much she hated them. I was to keep bumping into this girl over the course of the night and she would constantly entairn me with her tirades about certain people at the party. Some assestments of peoples characters I found that I whole heartly agreed with her.
The party finished up around 3 and after much standing around and talking about nothing we all spilt.